go away. go away. go away. go away.

[1_21Guns]

well I felt really ill before, so I tried to go to bed, then couldn't sleep at all because my head was buzzing with thoughts and memories. I knew I was on the edge of a breakdown earlier, I was just trying to avoid it.
Now no matter what I do, I can't get rid of the thought of my father killing himself, or my family falling apart, nothings making the memories from years ago shift, and my heads pounding, everytime I lie down my breathing just completely messes up and I can't close my eyes without seeing something seriously messed up, I don't know, pointless thread was pointless, I just needed to get it out, I feel like I need to get out, get out of here, get out of everything...
As certain things begin to come clear, I seriously feel like I'm slowly and painfully losing my mind. I just want to fucking die, I want to stop, I don't even know why.

[Iceman]

Take what you lived through and turn it around. Set an example for everyone else and show them that you've been through so much, but did such amazing things.
I'm here for you if you ever need it. :hug:

[1_21Guns]

I guess I try.. everytime I think I've come out of something, moved away from it, gotten over it something goes and shoves me straight back into some monsterous hole I struggle and fight to climb out of. I don't know how much longer I can do this for... I'd never kill myself, God no. I just don't know how much longer I can fight... everything seems to pointless and efforts seem so wasted

[Iceman]

I feel like that sometimes. And I have some regrets in my life, that I don't know if anyone knows(and I keep them botteld up which is probably not good) but anyways, take your experience and say, I can do this, I can live through this and do something great. I can make something out of nothing. Your a strong person. I can tell.

[1_21Guns]

strength isn't much use when you're your own worst enemy, thanks... I need to calm down it's just so difficult sometimes I end up in a sudden panic like that >.<

[Iceman]

:hug: you can pm me anytime