please read.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

fuck.
ok so long story short, i've got arressted [not related to drugs] & now i'm on probation & my court date is jan 17th & one of my conditions is no alchohal or drugs & there gonna drug test me at court,
i dont know what i'm going to do,
i dont even care if i sound like a drug addict,
i can't handle this w/o weed or something.
i cant nto smoke weeed.
ii dont know what the fuck to do.
i'm worring so bad.
i smoke weed to handle my depression too so i dont know what to do.
whats the strongest anti depressant they can give me?
i need a false high or something VERY stronge.

[guitarro]

First of all, i think you should read my thread-"Addiction/Alcoholism is a disease with a cure". You obviously have addictive behavior, you use substances to cope with your emotions. The only way you can do this without getting in trouble or going insane, is diverting that energy into something active. Maybe go workout at the gym, or anything to help pass the time by. Sitting there and thinking about how much it sucks is only gonna make you tempted to use. Are there any drug free activities you enjoy doing?

[Fiending_the_freedom]

i said i dont care about sounding like an addict because i'm not going drug free.
this is the most stressful time of my life, i have no hobbies, no interests other than sleeping, i havnt found any coping skills other than weed since quitting cutting & i'm not allowed to see my friends anymore.
I NEED SOMETHING.

[guitarro]

If you continue to use drugs, you always gonna feel like this if not worse, for you have an addictive personality. I know this from your coping skills, and the only way to feel good the majority of the time is if you do positive things the majority of the time. Browse the internet for alternative hobbies, or something, what you are doing is not good and will make you feel like shit no matter what. Right now your seeking for an alternative "high", and this kind of thinking will get you into a lot of trouble, trust me.

[mRojas2000]

Magic is a good hobbie, and it takes lots of time of practice :) and is impossible to smoke while you practice, and you are going to be so focused practicing, that you won't want to do anything else... it also gives you something else to spend your money with... there are always new tricks coming out, and you are gonna always want them because they are sick normally... in the GOOD way!!
I love magic, and its my fav thing to do when I'm bored... time passes by fast, and I'm always focusing to get better... if you want, and she wants, I'll give you the email of this girl you can get more info... and it should be easyer cause you both are girls, and you can understand each other more :P she's pretty comprehensive, and really nice :)

Just an idea :rolleyes:

EDIT: I'm gonna look a thread someone once made in a magic forum about them wanting to be suicidal until they found out about magic and sleigh of hand... he says magic saved his life, and that now he's actually good at something... before he wasn't and everyone hated him, and he didn't have friends, and stuff... I'm gonna look it just for you :hug:



EDIT2: FOUND IT!!




How Magic Saved My Life
By Archeopath

I told a small version of this story for Ians Magical Story contest. I thought i'de post the rest for everyone else. This is my story of life. Yes it is a story about magic but I have my life becuase of magic. I write this to thank each and every person I have learned an effect from. Everyone from someone who helped me with certain effects to their creators and teachers. There are far, far to many to name. So here we go...


Okay, about a year and a half ago I was a 12 year old that had no friends, no talents, no ambition. My whole life I had no friends. I am an overweight guy who is very shy and keeps to himself. I do not act weird around people I don't know or hardly know, I never let my hair down and youmust get to know me before you really see who I am. Now I don't know about you but where I am from that attitude and lifestyle just doesn't get it. But then I was about to turn 13 and could enter my church youth group. I am homeschooled so I don't have a school "Clique" or anything. I was really looking forward to making friend in this group and finally loving life. I turned 13..and had a magor wake-up call. I was there in a group of teens who cared nothing about you or about anyone but themselves. They didn't care whether you were happy or if you wanted to be friends with them. They had their friends..they didn't need any more. There were a few nice kids who tried to be my friends. But they were 4-5 years older then me..lot of good that does. I became friends with them but..it just wasn't the same.. I got into a dark place for a while..quite a while. People had thrown food at me, made me sit by myself for 5 hours going to the mountians..life was a chore to live. I hated myself andmy life. I wondered why life was even worth living..I jst went through the miserable motions of my life. I considered suicide..might have done it but I knew my family would be devestated. Life was over. I thought about runing away..making people see what they had done to me and what they had lost. I thought at times that if I died my family would be the only ones to show up.. I had nothing to live for.

Then this past January I went to a concert with my youth group (yes another 5 hour drive..) and saw music. I had always wanted to perform like that but didn't think I could. Then I remembered the old set of drums I had in my shop... I started playing. I took lessons, worked 3-4 hours everyday, finally I had something to live for. But I quickly learned that inmusic you must practise at least a year or more before you can perform. Now the only thing I was good at I couldn't do for a while...I started to get down again. Then I saw Criss Angel expose the lipstick/ash through hand trick. I realized how simple my life-long fasination (magic) was. I got a table magic book and then found Ellusionist. I looked past the "Disapointed faces of your peers" (My chem) and started into magic. I found something worth doing and living for. I found the veyr thing that saved my life. It was something I COULD do and soon. I worked hard atwhat I had and soon got my first actual "effect" Sinful by wayne houchin. I saw something I could do I saw something I loved become possible. I began my journey into magic.

Now, I am 14 and I am a drummer and magician. I live life happily now and with purpose. I have two arts that I love and use when I can. Life is worth living. Magic truly saved my life. Many thanskto Criss Angle and Wayne houchin for this..they started it.. Magic has Saved My life
But thanks to everyone..every magician alive or dead. You guys saved my life.. Thank you so much...and please do not even think about suicide..its a dark, dark road that only ends in a crash.

Thats my story and i'm sticking to it...

Thanks,
Archeopath



EDIT 3: I'm gonna ask him if I can have his email, to chat and stuff... I WANNA HELP YOU!! Or maybe even join this forum, and try helping people

[Bobby]

Tegan are you any good at art? Painting maybe? I'm sure there is somethign at school you can do.

[serial-thrilla]

just dont smoke weed for a month and a half. failing the drug test will just put you in a deeper hole.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

oh my gosh....

i think i just had what they call a break through.
like a real one.
ok i guess its not so great but i'm on exctacy.
and i just realized how pathedic this post is...
i'm ruining my life.
i have ruined my life.
i've ruined my relationship with my parents.
i've DEYSTROYED my trust with my mom and ESPESDIALY my dad.
i've taken advantage of my dads kidness & trust.
i've treated my dad like dirt and an idiot.
i'm a horrible daughter....
i'm seriouse dont even try and defend me.
i called and left an message at my theripst office.
i said "i'm soory i've been advoid your calls and not coming to my sessions, please call me as ealer in teh morning you can, i'd like to set up an emergency appointment."

i'm going to go, and pour my heart out...i want to get better.
& then i'm gonna set up an appointment the next dad with my dad and her, and i'm going to apoligize for everything and were going to work this out.

i cant belive how fucked up i messed up my life and i'm only fifteen....

[Bobby]

Tegan, you can fix everything. I know you can.