Homesick

[Syvelocin]

I was originally going to post this in my diary, but then I though, "I want opinions and advice on this." And since it actually turned into a crisis for me right now... here it is.


My mum is my best friend.

Not in that, "I have no other friends," sort of way.

I have best friends who aren't her as well. I have great friends.

But my mum, she's my best, best friend.

My mum is like a sister to me. She's an older sister who I never get tired of, but we goof off like we are classmates. We're closer than I could ever be with my best friends (and if you've ever seen me with them, you'd think that quite impossible). There hasn't been fighting between us in years, though even those fights weren't quite like the family quarrels I've seen with people I know. They were just small outbursts, heat of the moment things, never anything serious. Just one bipolar girl reacting to another (and if you are bipolar and ever tried to get along with another person who's bipolar, you'd know what I mean then).

Especially nowadays. When I was back at home for Christmas, it was even more like that than it had been. Either it was the separation that did it, or just that she was no longer my guardian.

She never really was a guardian. You could call her a maternal figure, but she was never an authority figure. She's got that element with my siblings, but I guess raising me as a young single mum was different. No, she never disciplined me. She never scolded me. She advised, she loved, and she cared.

It feels almost childish, writing this. Mummy's little girl, I know, I know.

She was someone to talk to, someone to hold me, someone to watch the romantic comedies with at the end of their showing in the cinema and then review it like you would with one of your girlfriends. Someone who automatically loved me, permanently loved me, who saw me as someone special.

Nostalgia anyone?

It's kind of sad, that now all I'm smelling is her perfume. I phone her everyday now to make sure I don't forget her voice. Like I would, but that's becoming a fear of mine, forgetting everything that was sentimental to me in the past.

I'm way too homesick.

But I'm just not ready to be an adult yet. I was an adult then, so I need to be a child now.

I'm questioning everything now. Is this what I want, what my final decision is?

I'm torn between two loves of my life. My lover, and my mother (the almost rhyme was intentional).

I don't know anything anymore.

[MadManWithaBox]

Well Rith, do you think you could live in the UK again? Or do you think it could be nostalgia tinted glasses? Why do you have to choose between your husband and your mum? You don't.

Homesickness, and nostalgia, are powerful things. But you have to think not only of the obvious practical difficulties, but the emotional ones. Do you like the US? would you miss the US?

[Syvelocin]

I think I could. I don't think it would be much different. Christmas was treat for me, honestly. It was my granddad's neighbourhood, but it was just enough familiar that it was incredibly comfortable. Honestly I miss living with her. I really don't see how that could work out. I'd probably try just moving in near her, I guess that is an option.

It's just that, I thought this was going to be easy. I'd miss home for a month or two, and then I'd get used to it. Nine months, I haven't gotten used to it.

I hate the US, at least the area I live in. I don't belong here, at all. It feels wrong. I love Jay, so much, but he's the only thing I have here, and everything's at home.

[MadManWithaBox]

Well then, if your two people(your lover and your mum) are the kind of people you say they are, they'll help you find a way to accommodate it. Maybe your husband could move with you to the UK?

If you want to be sure it could Rith, I'd suggest an extended holiday. Find a place you could live long term, and come over for like, 6 weeks maybe, 8 weeks.

And sometimes Rith, it can take time to settle in somewhere near, especially, from experience, US and UK culture. You could give it more time, you've got plenty of options far as I can see.

[Syvelocin]

He can't right now, not until his grandmother has past away, because he wants to be here for her. Even then, I don't think I could do that to him. He's already started to make his photography better known to get into the business. I have this feeling he would go, but only because it is what I want.

That's probably a good idea. Maybe sometime in the summer, summer here is hell anyway.

I feel like I've already given it that chance. My college is, not for me, I must say. That was the only thing keeping me in this city as far as personal matters.

[MadManWithaBox]

Maybe he'd appreciate the change, new challenge, set up in England? If he's going to wait for his nan's passing, that gives you more time go try and get it.

New college, new course? Maybe your mum could even come stay with you for a bit?

I do completely agree with you on the US though. I lived there for 18 months, ended up begging to return to good old england.

[Syvelocin]

Maybe your mum could even come stay with you for a bit?


I love the idea, don't know how it would work though. I could always ask. My stepdad should be fine taking care of my brother and sister. It was nice having them here briefly in January

Heh, yeah. It's so different, in a bad way really.

[MadManWithaBox]

If you can arrange living facilities, food, and things to do, it could work really well. Your mum might enjoy the change of scenery, you can see how you enjoy living together over an extended period.

And its too bloody hot. Shit tea, no chippy's, no digestive biscuits :mad:

[Syvelocin]

Yeah, I'll ask her ^_^

A grocery store I go to has a foreign section, they import things from Japan, Poland, and of course Britain as well. It's a small selection, but I actually don't have to go without digestives ^_^

Thanks much for you help, Matt.

[MadManWithaBox]

Ha grocery store. Supermarket Rith remember. And it's ok, I've been in a similar situation myself. Ended up practically running back to the UK, couldnt wait to leave.