Some Haikus

[Cosmic]

Feedback most welcomed and appreciated... I hope you enjoy them:


Toxic emotion,
Steadily infests the bond.
Need to quarantine.

-------------------------------------

Why colour me in,
When you cannot see my lines?
You have missed my vibe.

-------------------------------------

Debris foundations,
The ash smeared into war-paint.
I am no longer.

[nick]

I'd have to admit I had to call on the assistance of google. Its a kind of interesting challenge to work within such strict parameters. I like them anyway.

[Cosmic]

Thanks Nick, glad you liked them. :D Yeah, it is pretty tough, and generally, I'm not a fan of structuralist poetry... But I really like how a haiku works, with that final, isolated line which just seems to "ring" in the reader's mind.

Admittedly, this is not typical subject matter for a haiku, they tend to be about the environment, nature and other pastoral subject matter, but I thought I'd try and break that mould a bit.

[Charleigh]

I dont get it.

Seems like a bunch of words to me. I dont know.
Its good anyway
:hug:

[Cosmic]

I dont get it.

Seems like a bunch of words to me. I dont know.
Its good anyway
:hug:

Well I'm glad you think it's good! I'll try and explain them a bit for you, but I realise that sometimes, this sort of poetry and general structure can be quite intimidating to understand because it's so brief, and really quite disjointed. I, as the writer, really have to choose my words carefully before of the syllable limits (5 on the first line, 7 on the second, 5 on the third), which means I basically want to get rid of excess language and focus on the key words. Unfortunately, it's often excess language which makes things clearer.

If I may, I'd like to advise you to read the words themselves and think about what they mean to you. I'll break down my first one for you, so you can see it. Of course, if you don't want any tips on how to read poetry with more understanding, I totally appreciate that and you need not read on... but maybe it'll be helpful to someone else. :D

So, first haiku:

Toxic emotion,

We have the word toxic here, which suggests dangerous, unclean, contaminated... So we have quite damaging emotion. We can say, therefore, that the writer is experiencing quite a turbulent emotional life at the moment.

Steadily infests the bond.

Okay, so steadily infests is easy enough to understands - a gradual dirtying, taking over of "the bond". What do we think the bond could be? Perhaps a relationship of some kind with another human, or perhaps it means bond as in imprisonment. I'll leave you to decide that for yourself, but the key idea here, again, is looking at the words and seeing what they could mean. Here we have a bond of some kind being infected by damaging emotion.

Need to quarantine.

To quarantine is to isolate, and it's generally associated with dangerous diseases, chemicals and other contagious things. The writer seems to want to isolate himself from the damaging emotion that is infecting the bond (or alternatively, the damaging emotion is what needs to be isolated, rather than the writer).

So there you have it, I've tried to break down the first one for you, and I hope that at least makes that one a bit clearer for you to understand.

Thanks for the feedback. :-)