I want to ruin people's lives.

[deadpie]

I fucking hate everyone more every day with a fucking passion that nobody else can understand. There's barely any time where I'm not wanting to hurt someone. Every fucking person that walks by me, I fucking judge them, think of what might make them a useless fucking person and how I would kill them, or maybe who would kill them, why and how.

Everyone in my life has fucking backstabbed me and I have nothing left, but just these stupid fucking holes to dig waiting for something good to happen, but it never fucking does.

The drugs never helped, the writing never helped, the therapy never helped, the fucking art certainly didn't help.

It makes me sick seeing kids so fucking happy, because I just want to stomp right on there fucking face and rip their fucking throats to pieces. Why the fuck do they get a fucking childhood? Why the fuck did I have to be the one that didn't have one? Every fucking monstrous thing anyone can ever think of and some you can't even think of has already happened to me, or is going to eventually happen to me. And it makes me feel like I'm some fucking cursed human, forced to witness all forms of pain and become some type of beast that nobody has ever seen yet.

The incredible amount of rage held in, just fucking boiling and wanting to explode is always at the fucking edge. I can hear it, telling me to just let the fuck go and fucking destroy every fucking thing in the way. Fuck, I want to see what it's like to ruin someone's life - to take their innocence and give them something traumatic. I want to be there fucking bed pissing nightmare.

Nobody can fucking understand anything inside of my fucking head. It's like this fucking infinite amount of boxes inside of box with secrets and each time a box is open there's another one. My fucking head cannot comprehend how much thoughts are racing through it. Too many fucking thoughts. It's all scattered and clouded at the same time. Fighting and racing. Growing and exploding.

Holy fuck. There's no way I can get all these thoughts out. No matter how many therapists or pills or fucking I don't even fucking know. Nothing fucking works. I just want to let it take over. I'm sick of trying to be strong and not be like riley. Fuck, I'm going to become him and probably worse. And I don't even feel fucking shameful about it. I don't know how the fuck to feel about it.

How the fuck can you help someone who's consumed with thoughts of wanting to hurt people in the most violent and psychological ways without letting them explode? I don't think it's fucking possible.

Fuck everything and everyone. Fuck family and fuck the fake friends. Fuck the fucking valuables and the fucking stories and the stupid fucking paintings and the useless words and the fucking music and the fucking i'm sorries and the fucking fuck you's and the fucking hallucinations and the fucking car that leads to death and fuck tim for getting killed and deciding my death and fuck him for making me scared and fuck him for making me paint him and fuck him for making me think i'm him and fuck him for fucking dying and fuck him for fucking living and fuck the parents that thought parenting magazines would fix it all and fuck the man that gave me drugs instead of fucking figures and fuck him for giving up and fuck him for thinking i'm strong and fuck him for everything he's said that didn't matter either and fuck adam for leaving me and fuck adam for helping me and fuck adam for becoming friends with me again and fuck adam for taking sides and fuck ally for fucking everything up and fuck her for her lies and fuck her for her truths and fuck her for her drugs and fuck her to help me go farther down self destruction and fuck religion for fucking my mind up and fuck faith for killing dasen and fuck dasen for killing himself and fuck dasen for not realizing he was stronger than me and fuck me for not dying when i tried to kill myself when he had more to live for then me and fuck me for being selfish and fuck me for caring about people and fuck me for being honest and fuck me for being an asshole and fuck me for wanting answers and fuck me for seeking answers and fuck me for finding answers and fuck me for giving people answers fuck people for disregarding my help and fuck me for thinking they'd care and fuck me for caring and fuck me for thinking it's wrong to care and fuck the schools who called me disturbed and fuck the people that i let fuck me and fuck me for letting them fuck me and fuck every girl that listened to my bullshit and fuck them for letting me fuck them and fuck me for pretending to love them and fuck me for crying after fucking and fuck me for crying in the first place and fuck me for having emotion and fuck me for not wanting emotion and fuck me seeking drugs to get rid of emotion and fuck me for stealing and fuck me for sucking dick instead and fuck me for being so careless and fuck me for not caring about me and fuck people who think i take music too seriously and fuck them because i do and fuck them for not understanding music and fuck them for not understanding shit and fuck them all for being what they aren't fuck me for trying to make them different and fuck them for fighting back and fuck me for fighting back and fuck me for thinking it's all important and fuck me for wanting to be important and fuck me calling myself useless and fuck me typing something that will never make sense and fuck everything in between the words and spaces and above and below the periods and fuck

just fuck.

[Raynes]

There is a line between angry and homicidal, and I can't tell which side you're on. I fear that, if you aren't just venting, lives may be in danger. Please, try to calm down and evaluate what you just said. If you still agree with your writing, you might want to seek psychiatric attention before you actually do hurt somebody.