Creeping In...

[Ambrosia]

I can feel it coming again, just like every month. I need to go to the doctor, beg them for pills that I guess aren't so strong my body becomes highly dependent on them (When I go the week without the hormones, it kills me mentally) or beg them for anti-depressants. I was going to avoid this week, just skip it. But I decided not to at the last minute. And I can always feel when the Super Depression (Im depressed most of the time) is creeping in slowly. I'll go to bed happy tonight and wake up ready to kill myself tomorrow. It always happens this way. I wish I could control it but I can't. It's like it takes me over and holds me down. Drowns out what I wish I could do and forces me to do what it wants. The feelings are just so overpowering they could almost literally kill me, my relationships...

I'm dreading it. I don't want to. But I have no choice. And no one will listen or take me. And it's all just in my head. But it is, that's the problem.