1_21Guns
February 10th, 2011, 07:48 PM
My head just seems to be all over the place, I'm supposed to be asleep right now, I tried but I cant take my mind off anything, nothing in my mind is even making sense because it's all jumbled into one big mess. I'm really ill, my ears feel constantly blocked, if I dare stand up I'll probably fall down again, and I haven't a clue how I managed the school show the past 3 nights. Urges have been like hell, I've wanted to run away so many times the past week its been crazy. Dumped extra work on myself by going for a course which means I have to 'prove myself' as such, my friends are kinda worrying me between all of them, I'm trying to help them as much as I can, but my heads scrambled with things I can't even begin to understand, it's hard to even spit my words out in a normal conversation, nevermind try and help someone out. My tempers like a loose canon, just snapping at anybody and everybody seemingly possible, causing me to try and failingly isolate myself from the world, but then I just end up lonely, a strange feeling for me in many ways because I've always been alone, I guess when I started spending more time with friends, you miss it when you suddenly can't move and you find yourself stuck staring at the same wall, expecting it to tell you something you want to hear. I wish I could explain to some people why I do things sometimes, why I am the way I am, what I've done to myself, I don't really know, everything hurts at the moment and I'm not even sure why. I seem to be dangling off the edge of one fucker of a cliff waiting for someone to come and step on my fingers to put me out of my misery. I just feel so low again, everything seems too much, I just want to get away.. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm starting to wonder what I'm even doing here at all, why I'm even trying, there's no huge cause for me to suddenly drop, I just have. Realising a lot the past couple of weeks on top of everything else that's gone on has just in all honesty, been too much. Everything just seems to be too much. I'm falling to bits again, I just need to get away...