I'm the one who fucked up my life!!

[FullyAlive]

I've just had a revelation. I blame all my problems mainly cutting but other stuff too on other people or other situations. Maybe if my dad loved me, maybe if my uncle hadn't died, maybe if my friend wasn't such a bitch then maybe just maybe I'd be ok.*
But you know what chances are I probably wouldn't it's me that's caused this shit. It was no one else, I was the one who hacked up my own skin no one forced me to put the blade to my arms did they?! It's all my own fault that I'm so fucked up. I did it to myself. If I could just get one thing right in my pathetic little life then maybe I wouldn't have this trouble. Maybe I just need to stop doing everything wrong. Maybe I just need to sort myself out!*
Everyone would be so much better if I'd never existed, I'm not saying I should kill myself because inevitably that would affect people, what I'm saying is that if I'd been different if I'd never been who I am then so many people would be better off.
I wish, I wish I was dead. Again I don't think im brave enough to kill myself but if I died by getting run over or sonething. Then everyones lives would be better and I'd have fixed all the problems I've caused.*

[Charleigh]

Would be better and I'd have fixed all the problems I've caused.*

You can. But hun, sometimes you need to look at your mistakes and face up to them. Ok, so what? You HAVE fucked up at times, doesnt stop you from being the GREAT girl VT knows. You can learn from your mistakes, amd fix them by not doing them again hun. I know you can turn this around.

Maybe if my dad loved me, maybe if my uncle hadn't died, maybe if my friend wasn't such a bitch then maybe just maybe I'd be ok.*

Hun, like you said, you cant blame other people. Yes ok, you were the one who cut, but you wernt the one who bought all the problems up in your life, you just dealt with it how you thought you could rely and depend on.

It's all my own fault that I'm so fucked up. I did it to myself. If I could just get one thing right in my pathetic little life then maybe I wouldn't have this trouble. Maybe I just need to stop doing everything wrong.

Hun your not fucked up, you just have things going on for you that you are findsing hard to cope with. You can make things right, ok I will be honest life wont be right forever, but if you just get yourself on the right road, things can turn out great for you. You deserve the best and be strong!

Maybe I just need to sort myself out!*

Yep you said it (: You can sort yourself out by looking at yourself like the lovley girl you are. Sure you might self harm and cry and whatever bullshit you do, it doesnt change who YOU are. Hun, you can fight this and VT knows it. Good luck hun, im here if you ever need to talk.
:hug:

[Raynes]

Life isn't your fault. You didn't choose who you are or the life that you got placed in. Mere chance made you the person you are today. You are a person. I am a person. We are all people. We are all 'fucked up' in various different ways. There is no perfect life, and anybody who has claimed to live one is lying through their teeth. There will always be tears and blood.

You are 15 years old. You have all the time in the world to figure yourself and your life out and to make things better. Not all ailments are cured with time, but some wounds can be healed. Life is painful, but it wont always be painful.

Sometimes I think of suicide and such when I'm going through a bad time in life, but I can never bring myself to seriously consider such things. Not because I'm afraid of dying or don't have the courage to off myself, but because I *know* that it will pass. If we put one foot in front of the other and don't look behind us, we can make it through anything.

Death is very much a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's like spending a month building a machine to open a door for you when you could have done so yourself in 3 seconds.

I assure you, not everybody on the planet hates you and you are certainly not the cause of everyone's problems. I've never heard scientists say that Global Warming was the result of Louise205 emissions. ;)

[FullyAlive]

Thanks both of you for taking the time to reply, I'm sorry i just was having a really bad day and I felt shit. I just needed to tell someone I guess. But again thanks my aim at the moment is to be more positive, I'm trying very hard.

[Charleigh]

Always here to help hun, its what im here for (:
Keep it up hun. Your strongg (;
:hug:

PM or VM me if you need anything (:

[Beats]

Well, I doubt you've FUCKED up your own life! You can always repair it and make little tweaks,,..
Cutting, well yeah, I did it, and it was pure stupidity, when I finally stopped cutting it was because my best friend told me a scenario, "Look Trenton, what if you accidently cut the wrong vein, and then you bled your stupid self to death, and then somehow a few months later, when your sister left for the Navy she had a freak incident that killed her, would you want your parents to live with that..? And just maybe, your girlfriend who's also pretty damn emo couldn't take the grief and killed herself!"

I remember it exactly like that..
You should wanna change not just for yourself but for others too.
P.M. or V.M. Me anytime. (I can't reply to a P.M. yet but soon hopefully.)