Trying to keep going.

[Fiction]

Ok well the first thing i'd like to say in this thread is that i'm sorry for being a really terrible and inactive mod the last few days, hopefully i'm back now :)

Well, a few days ago, I overdosed. Ended up in hospital. I've posted about that before so i'll assume you all know.

Yesterday I went back to school. it was horrible. I spent one lesson crying in the toilets. Another I ran out of. I wasn't ready for it. But then I need to get on with my fucking school work. I need to stop being like this.

I can't sleep. At all. I keep wanting to cut all the time. I feel sick everytime I eat.

I feel so pathetic and hopeless. I've hurt so many people. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I wish i'd never existed. I wish i'd succeeded. I wish I could try again. And succeed. I promised a very very close friend I wouldn't try again. That's all i'm holding on to. That's it. It's enough though. I care about him too much to leave him.

I was so stupid. I somehow thought what I did would make things better. I've just messed up EVERYTHING. Messed up everything with my friends, my parents, school work, my boyfriend. I just want this to end now.

I don't have the energy to go on. I feel worse than I ever have done and nobody understands it. Except for one person. If it wasn't for him i'd be dead.

Sorry total rant. I just don't know how to keep going anymore :/

EDIT: My mum keeps telling me how hard it is to lie for me. How she's avoiding people to stop the ling. I don't know. This is all my fault. It makes me feel so guilty. Like it'd be easier for them all if I just went. I swear my mum was just about to question me about cutting. I swear she was. I ran. I need to hide my blades.

[Love.Hate]

Its okay to feel like this Kathy.
You were brave for going back to school as soon as you did!
Your not pathetic, i know how it feels to want it to all just go away, like i never exsisted. But i think you failing is a sign.. you failed this time because you were ment to. Its not your time to go, you havent lived your life yet.
This friend sounds amazing, your lucky to have him. And keep staying strong, you havent messed up everything, it just feels like that now.. these things take some time to settle down.
I think that you need to seriously sit down and think, what is really best? What does suicide solve?
Your a very lucky girl.. Be grateful not all people get there second chance in life. You have yours so go and live it! :)

Always here :heart:

[Fiction]

Thanks Fran.
And he is, he really is.
As I said i'm trying to hold on, and i'll continue to do so.

It's always been that I feel Like I didn't have the guts to die, that it'd be hard to die. Now i swear it's the other way around :/

[Love.Hate]

It's always been that I feel Like I didn't have the guts to die, that it'd be hard to die. Now i swear it's the other way around :/

I know this feeling too well..
But just hold on to the fact you have your friend,
You will get through this <3

[Quahog]

It's alright Kathy. Happy to see you again. You're here, and that's all that really matters. We love you, and hopefully you will work your problems out with School.

[screamtobeheard]

That sounds absolutely terrible! Just hang in there! You've always got support from your friend and here as well. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk about anything.

[Fiction]

Thanks everyone who replied.

I think i'm slowly getting better. Maybe.

[Daniel_]

I really don't know if I can say anything to help, but I mean, it's worth a try.

Your absolutely right, about not being able to leave your friend. But what you feel about your family isn't true, no matter what your mind is trying to make you believe. Your mother loves you Kathy, and she probably wants to help you more than anything, and it's a good thing this time didn't do it. Suicide is never, and I mean absolutely never the answer. No matter how bad you feel, you must know that there will always be someone who cares for you, someone who wants to help you. If you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here, even though I don't know you very well, I'd really love to try and help you, just PM me if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm sure theres other people you know better, but still, i'd enjoy very much talking with you.

[Fiction]

Thanks Daniel :)