Saved.... Or not?

[LoveMe_HateMe]

"you're not a fuck up"

maybe she was just trying to be nice... but how can I NOT be a fuck up? Hell, she's saved me three times... THREE fucking times, from suicide. Once physically stopping me, twice talking me out of it.

How many times? How many more times until she gives up. Until she realises I'm not worth it?

I cant do this anymore.

I've been invited to a party... A friends party... Invited by her boyfriend... cause he sees me as a close friend.... I should be happy... right? I'm not... I'm no where it... the first thought that came to my head was... I'm don't deserve it.

Meh.

Ontop of everything else, I'm on a "break" with my (ex?)boyfriend.... we were going out for over a year... first proper relationship... It was my decision.. but it feels like it was his. It kills me inside. I'm numb inside. Completely.

I need to get away from everyone, everything... but I cant. Or can I?

I cant sleep, if I can, Im still tired in the morning.... I have to force feed myself to eat something - only do that so I can take the stupid tablets for my wrist... constantly in a bad mood.... even the teachers today noticed I was quiet. I really can't do this anymore....

And I nearly had a fucking panic attack in the middle of the doctors yesterday,... was meant to go in at 5.30 but they were running late... as it got later i got more agitated and at one point there were far too many people there, far too many people talking, too much noise...

and i cant stop shaking... i seem to be constantly shaking... i cant stop it :/

In college.. in the UK... can you refuse to go to into the lesson? Cause after half term in a couple of weeks, we're doing about "abnormality" in pyschology.... and it'll involve depression etc.... can I refuse to go into the lessons? I'm getting kind of worried about how I'll react in the lessons, with everything being brought up and the possibility of SH being brought up...

Sorry for the major/random rant thing going off on here but... i needed somewhere...

I dont know what to do? Go back to the doctors and see if I do have depression or if its nothing or...? I dont know.... I need some alcohol... or something... something to clear my head...

[music is my soul]

i got an idea listen to the radio sometime turn on some music that u lik something that would put u in ur own little area. it helps me wen i feel lik that. i find quite some wat slow songs help me the most.

try it sometime it mite help. im almost always here if u need to talk some time.

[Quahog]

Yes, you should definitely let your doctor know. I don't want you to do anything that might hurt yourself. You should be happy that person saved you. You shouldn't feel like a screw up, because you aren't. I know you are having trouble with classes, but you can talk to people, maybe classmates, and you can be able to work that out.

Getting over a relationship is hard for some people. But you are going to have to keep on going on. That's over with. You decided to leave the relationship, so maybe that it was a good thing for you. But you can't let it control over your life. It's something that happened, and you are going to have to just shove it away.

The panic attacks, and the depression, you are going to have to speak to a doctor. Be honest with them, and tell them all about your problems, with the panic attacks. I want you to know that we support you, and we are here for you.

[MrZero]

"you're not a fuck up"

maybe she was just trying to be nice... but how can I NOT be a fuck up? Hell, she's saved me three times... THREE fucking times, from suicide. Once physically stopping me, twice talking me out of it.

How many times? How many more times until she gives up. Until she realises I'm not worth it?

You see, just that you're going through a bad time doesn't make you a fuck up. I don't know why you think you're not worth it, and it wouldn't change much if i did. I think you're a nice person, and i hope you figure out whatever has you feeling this way.

It's tempting to give up when things look bad, but if you do, you might miss all of the fun part.