MyRedHeadWorld
February 8th, 2011, 04:25 PM
I wanna kill myself ¬¬
I just had a bad break up. REALLY Bad. I just found out I have OCD. My mates say I have depression Im starting to belive it. Im homesick from Ireland but cant go back. My so called 'best friends' are acting like bitches to me, or backstabbing me. It feels like the world hates me. Im confused about some other stuff but Im gunna stop going on. I know there are people out there worse then me, Starving homeless, and I feel really bad when I feel sorry for my self and think of them!! Ive been through alot of shit, so's one my closest friends (She's been through SO MUCH MORE THEN ME! Its horrible!!) But we smile on and just think It'll get better!! But this last week or so, Ive given up. I tried to kill myself?! I didnt do P.e, went into the toilets and punched the mirror thinking it would smash and cut my hand, It didnt... Hour later or so I was about to cry, my boy mate hugged me, some girl said "they must go out, why else they hugging" I'd had to listen to so much shit I snapped, and said "NO, WERE MATES, CANT FUCKING FRIENDS HUG?!" And I kicked, Punched and head butted the wall, My mate calmed me down. Saturday I found out my ex was with someone, after saying he wanted to be single for a week...It been 3 days ¬¬ I snapped that night, I cut myself on the arm. It felt good in a way? On monday I went in school, happy as I could. But I was dying inside. I wanted to strangled someone, maily myself. that night I was Incredible stressed. I cut myself more. I cut my self 10 times on one arm and a HUGE, Bloody cut on the other. Then I did it on my rists...It didnt leave a scare. I cried myself to sleep. Next day I couldnt stop crying. I actully got out my head phones and strangeld myself with the wire, I was in alot of pain, but I wanted to end it, but someone almost caught me, so I stopped. I cant stop crying, I keep cuttuing myself, thinking of ways to kill myself, I have loads of scares and bad cuts on my fists from punching things so much. Ive gotta pick my GCSE's soon, but In my crappy school, I know Im gunna fail and that makes me even more sad...
I dont know what to do? Am I being an idiot? Is it all just teenage stuff or more? should I tell my parents even though they wont understand and annoy me alot ¬¬ Should I move? What do I do?! Please help, and PLEASE Dont judge me :/
I just had a bad break up. REALLY Bad. I just found out I have OCD. My mates say I have depression Im starting to belive it. Im homesick from Ireland but cant go back. My so called 'best friends' are acting like bitches to me, or backstabbing me. It feels like the world hates me. Im confused about some other stuff but Im gunna stop going on. I know there are people out there worse then me, Starving homeless, and I feel really bad when I feel sorry for my self and think of them!! Ive been through alot of shit, so's one my closest friends (She's been through SO MUCH MORE THEN ME! Its horrible!!) But we smile on and just think It'll get better!! But this last week or so, Ive given up. I tried to kill myself?! I didnt do P.e, went into the toilets and punched the mirror thinking it would smash and cut my hand, It didnt... Hour later or so I was about to cry, my boy mate hugged me, some girl said "they must go out, why else they hugging" I'd had to listen to so much shit I snapped, and said "NO, WERE MATES, CANT FUCKING FRIENDS HUG?!" And I kicked, Punched and head butted the wall, My mate calmed me down. Saturday I found out my ex was with someone, after saying he wanted to be single for a week...It been 3 days ¬¬ I snapped that night, I cut myself on the arm. It felt good in a way? On monday I went in school, happy as I could. But I was dying inside. I wanted to strangled someone, maily myself. that night I was Incredible stressed. I cut myself more. I cut my self 10 times on one arm and a HUGE, Bloody cut on the other. Then I did it on my rists...It didnt leave a scare. I cried myself to sleep. Next day I couldnt stop crying. I actully got out my head phones and strangeld myself with the wire, I was in alot of pain, but I wanted to end it, but someone almost caught me, so I stopped. I cant stop crying, I keep cuttuing myself, thinking of ways to kill myself, I have loads of scares and bad cuts on my fists from punching things so much. Ive gotta pick my GCSE's soon, but In my crappy school, I know Im gunna fail and that makes me even more sad...
I dont know what to do? Am I being an idiot? Is it all just teenage stuff or more? should I tell my parents even though they wont understand and annoy me alot ¬¬ Should I move? What do I do?! Please help, and PLEASE Dont judge me :/