how do i handle a jealous friend????

[tyler007]

Hey, I have this great guy in my life who I do all kinds of stuff with, and we have a lot of fun together ( like playful touching and kind of flirting even at school) and have been jerking off for about 2 years now and trading bjs too. About a month a go I kissed him, and he did not stop me, that lead to making out. When we your done he asked why I did it, and I said I felt like it, and that he did not mind. He said that he has wanted to do that for a long time, but I always said no kissing.

But I got a new girl friend now and Here is what happened:

My parent had a super bowl party and my friend was there of course, but the my girl friend stopped by, for like 30 minutes and we held hands and she sat in my lap, then before she left we kiss outside for a bit…. And Todd saw it. Then later I said lets go to my room, cause I want to make out with him too. BUT he stopped me, and said I was only doing it because she got me worked up and horny. Then he left.

He did not answer my calls or text Sunday night, and kind of gave me the cold shoulder yesterday we talked but that was a bout it, And today it’s the same thing, just talk not playfulness or anything.

How do I handle my jealous friend? What do I do now? I want to talk to him after school today again, any advice?

[Severus Snape]

He wants more than just a casual hook up relationship. This is a point where you kind of have to make a choice to pursue a further, perhaps more romantic relationship with your friend or stop doing sexual things with him all together and establish a more "traditional" friendship (sex free). You probably started doing this a few years ago when both of you were curious about things and figured it was just convenient to have (for lack of a better word) a fuckbuddy. I had one myself (we've moved on, but it was great at the time). It sounds like he wants something more than that now.

[Fourth Dimension]

He wants more than just a casual hook up relationship. This is a point where you kind of have to make a choice to pursue a further, perhaps more romantic relationship with your friend or stop doing sexual things with him all together and establish a more "traditional" friendship (sex free). You probably started doing this a few years ago when both of you were curious about things and figured it was just convenient to have (for lack of a better word) a fuckbuddy. I had one myself (we've moved on, but it was great at the time). It sounds like he wants something more than that now.

i think this nailed it

[jack_dawkins]

I think that he feels like hes a replacement. Think about it he sees you kissing another person. Then when she is gone you, come back to todd for sex. I think everyone would say that you used him, because you got bored after your girlfriend left. You got to make a choice dude.

[Lord C]

Hey Tyler, sounds like you have to think about what you want more than anything. I mean the main thing here is that by being with Todd you are cheating on your girlfriend and by being with your girlfriend you're making Todd feel worthless.

You have to make sure Todd know's he's not worthless and then figure out whether you want a friendship with him or more... if it's more then you shouldn't be with the girl too. You have to choose one I think. Just because it's different genders, doesn't stop it being cheating.

[nick]

...He said that he has wanted to do that for a long time, but I always said no kissing...

It sounds like you started out with "normal" experimenting, two horny guys giving each other a bit of relief when maybe no other options were available. Maybe that's how you still see it, but for your friend it seems to be more. He is probably gay or bi and has been hoping you are the same and that it would lead to something more than just normal friendship.

Now you have to put yourself in his shoes. Maybe he's been waiting months, longer, idk, for a sign from you that all his hopes and dreams for you being together might have some chance, then finally you give him that sign in your kiss. Its like Christmas for him and he will think its going to move on from here. Now no sooner has this happened, when he sees you with the girl, it must have been a real blow for him, all his hopes dashed again, really knocked back, and that's very hard to take.

So dont be unkind to him, give some thought to what you really want, and then talk to him kindly and gently, if he is your best friend in the world and always will be but it cant be any more than that then its only fair to tell him and, maybe under those circumstances its time for the "extras" to stop.

[Example..]

hey ty, maybe he was just annoyed because it was like since your girlfriend went away you were using him as a substitute, but also he may just be doing it for you, he may be thinkin that if your girlfriend finds out it would wreck the relationship so maybe he is doing it to help you.

[Sebastian Michaelis]

i say dump the broad and hook up with him cuz it is harder and more embarrassing to find a guy and cuz u already got one you best not waste your chance. don't listen to the others i think you two could have something special and their will be plenty time to date girls later.

[sieg]

seems like your friend wants you to make a choice, him or your girlfriend. i may be wrong but thats what i gathered. so is it gonna be him or your girlfriend? and i agree with the riddler its much harder to find friends that are into that stuff

[tyler007]

Hey everyone thanks for all of your advice, I still want him as my freind (at least), but he really does not want to talk to me about it, too much yet. I keep trying to, and send him text messages, but i dont want to smother him either. I know it was wrong but now im trying to fix it. So any ideas would be helpful.

Thanks Nick for your imput...

[jack_dawkins]

Ty you are going to have to talk to Todd, sending a text messages for this is just wrong.. unless its: Hey i want to come over and talk, or call me,... Think about you crushed him, now you have to make him feel special and wanted again. But you know you may never get back what you had, unless you make him your boyfriend and choose to go that way.

You really need to apologise for your crazy behavior, for doing all the stuff in front of him, i mean holding hands, her sitting on your lap, and the kissing too.

Oh and shows that you do care about him cause you named him, but not your girlfriend.

But here the thing Tyler, i know exacty how Todds feel, becasue the same kind of thing happened to me.

[Infidelitas]

Just give it some time Ty and things will come around. If you guys are truly friends, he will get over it. You did the right thing with your girlfriend by showing love and affection to her. Maybe, your friend feels jelous because your girlfriend left, you went straight to him, which made him feel used and upset.
Cheating on your girlfriend isnt an option either, because if she finds out, she will feel used and wont be happy. Have you tried going to your friends house to talk about it? It would be better than trying to txt him. If you guys are ment to be friends, you will still be friends no matter what. But ending the sexual relations is a good idea if he feels jelous would probably a good idea, because it may make him feel even more used.

I hope this helped :)

[jgibbsd]

You should talk to him face to face I have had the same exact thing happen to me. It just took time and we went back to the same friendship.

[meganarnold]

Frankly, it seems that your friend is very jealous. Both SRE ways you can go about this:
- you can ignore and hope it happens and if it did it was not a very good friend first or second if you think that it is a very good friend tries to talk to him is not directly if she is jealous, but try to determine why it is cold.

[Lights]

I know I would feel absolutely terrible if I saw my boyfriend (or something alike even if you're not officially dating) kissing another girl, and then after she'd gone come to me. So personally, I understand what your male friend is feeling and I wouldn't have called it jealousy because it's not like you've given him nothing. You've given him sexual happiness, of which he wanted a relationship from.

I think you've got to choose between them, because two-timing will not ever help you in life. A relationship is so much more rewarding, and you'd probably really enjoy one. I think because you've been with this boy for so long (2 years), that you ought to give him a shot; but if the girl is more to your sexual preference, give her one.

[grstl]

You are always so helpful here for other people...surely he will see that you didn't intend to hurt him. Also, has he ever wanted to have a girlfriend or experiment with one? You might ask if he would want to and say you wouldn't mind. Perhaps he doesn't know a bi person needs some of both all the time and even though you enjoy your new girlfriend, he is still your special guy. Good luck and. hope it all works out.

I also suggest you look up the steps of grieving. I think some of them are anger, denial, despair, hope, etc. If you can figure out which step of grieving he is in....then you might know better how to approach him.

I had a long grieving time over a move and loss of friends and this helped.

[tyler007]

Hey here is the latest update: I went this girls birthday party tonight and Todd was there. So we sat down for a while and talked I told him I understand how i made him feel, and that i never meant to hurt him. I asked him and told him that i still want to be friends right now, and we can work on the other stuff latter. We talk for about 30 minutes and had fun at the party. So hes still mad about what happened, but i think the was the ice breaker that i needed, to get him to start talking to me again. I we kind of made plan to get together tomorrow and talk more about what happened and about our feeling I hope.

So thanks for all the advice you have give me. I read them all and think about what you say too.

[grstl]

Great! You're on the right track. Hopefully he will continue to rediscover how great you are, just like you think he is. You are so lucky to have a great friendship to work out and work onward.

[mr.sexy_bomb]

yea i dont think i would want to be in the position your friend is, because i think he sees you as a boyfriend or something, and when he saw you kissing that girl, you most likely broke his heart, i would be mad too if it happened to me.

[Tristin.]

well tyler, what can i say?

i think your friend may be in love with you or has very strong feelings for you. you need to talk to him, have a long conversation and talk about this stuff. im not sure how i can help really on this, but i hope it helps :)
x

[Jacob1993]

Well the important thing is atleast you two r talking....communication is very important. Give it time n i hope things work out :)

[marlon94]

so are you and todd friends again?? you didnt finish telling us what happened?

[Apollo.]

Yeah it sounds as though the guy might be wanting more than just fun. If you are not up for a relationship just make it clear to the guy that you don't want one if he is a good friend he will understand.

[cheergurl]

Definitely sounds like you were kinda stringing him along :( Hope things work out for you!

[kevinjk]

i hope u do well with him

[Charleigh]

He wants more than just a casual hook up relationship. This is a point where you kind of have to make a choice to pursue a further, perhaps more romantic relationship with your friend or stop doing sexual things with him all together and establish a more "traditional" friendship (sex free). You probably started doing this a few years ago when both of you were curious about things and figured it was just convenient to have (for lack of a better word) a fuckbuddy. I had one myself (we've moved on, but it was great at the time). It sounds like he wants something more than that now.

Agreed.

i think this nailed it

Totally.

[TeenageDream]

He wants more than just a casual hook up relationship. This is a point where you kind of have to make a choice to pursue a further, perhaps more romantic relationship with your friend or stop doing sexual things with him all together and establish a more "traditional" friendship (sex free).

[tyler007]

UP DATE: Todd and have made up we had a long talk last weekend, about how we both feel. Things are back to the way they were, he know that i want to date girls too, but im not willing to give him up. So for now we have a open relationship now, and it's great.

Thanks for all your thoughts,

[sdude]

I think where you "crossed the line" with him is the make out thing...guys can jerk or even bj each other and still have gf's without much jealousy...but kissing and making out is different, it's much more emotionally bonding...whether being a boy or girl...Sounds like things may heal ok between you too, but maybe think about that some...just sayin...

[Infidelitas]

Congratulations for working it out. Good work :) I knew you could do it!

[kylek97]

I'm glad it worked out 4 u!!

[sieg]

good job ty glad it worked

[smitty35]

I think that you have to choose between your friend or your girlfriend. If I were you, I would go with your friend. You and him have something VERY special and I think that all Bi/Gay guys need a friend like him in their lifes. And you cant have a GF and have sex with another person (in this case that Todd kid). That is considered cheating on your GF.

[swisss21]

Just talk to him and tell him that you have moved ahead.

[Craig1995]

He wants more than just a casual hook up relationship. This is a point where you kind of have to make a choice to pursue a further, perhaps more romantic relationship with your friend or stop doing sexual things with him all together and establish a more "traditional" friendship (sex free). You probably started doing this a few years ago when both of you were curious about things and figured it was just convenient to have (for lack of a better word) a fuckbuddy. I had one myself (we've moved on, but it was great at the time). It sounds like he wants something more than that now.

This is the best answer I think ^^ :):)

[tyler007]

Hey thanks for the replies, but this was back in Feb>

Since then Todd and i have made up and we are quite happy with each other too,, its all but offical that hes my bf, were are really touchy-feely and he sometimes sits on me too at school or during lunch. Most people know but do not ask, They call us "brother form different mothers" sometimes about how close we are...

We still have the sex and all, but it more than than sometimes it just about kissing, cuddling and watching tv. and hanging out together.

[Tristin.]

GO TYLER!!! im glad your happy now :) xxxx

[austin callahan]

Yo buddy ... id say just have a talk with him...and explain to him he doesnt need to be jealous and like i guess help him get over the jealousy issue hes having.

- Austin

[Starlight Blaze]

He wants more than just a casual hook up relationship. This is a point where you kind of have to make a choice to pursue a further, perhaps more romantic relationship with your friend or stop doing sexual things with him all together and establish a more "traditional" friendship (sex free). You probably started doing this a few years ago when both of you were curious about things and figured it was just convenient to have (for lack of a better word) a fuckbuddy. I had one myself (we've moved on, but it was great at the time). It sounds like he wants something more than that now.

I agree with this

It's time to decide if you want your girlfriend, or take your friend as a boyfriend. I can't help you with this, nobody can. But just think about who you would rather spend the rest of your life with.

oops sorry didn't see your other quote. That's great! I think that that sounds like you made the right decision

[lolatthatguy]

Very nice story wish i could be in same boat

[AltoVaughn]

If I was your friend and had been doing those things with you I know that I'd be upset, but to be honest I would consider what you're doing cheating. It's hurting your friend and (if she found out) would certainly hurt your girlfriend.the


Edit: I didn't look at the date and didn't see that the poster before me necroed the thread.