Sickly proud

[Love.Hate]

So today and last night i gave up to urges.
And there pretty deep, normally by now i would be feeling regret and guilt for what i had done. But today im not.. Im strangely proud. Its sick to think like this.. Im glad i ripped more skin open than i really needed to.. I felt fine after two cuts.. But 8 deep ones gave me so much more satisfaction. I cant believe im so happy about this. Nobody should be proud of how much they hurt, how deep they have gone..
In my mind its such an acheivement, i scared myself.
It was such an adrenaline rush..

Am i crazy?

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

But 8 deep ones
You're alive? 0-0

It's given into the addiction again, it might not be pride your feeling, but satisfaction. Both very different, but feel similar.
Cutting is never the answer, hun, and you should never give into it. You're hurting yourself and the people that care about you. There's never a good reason to do it. But you have to find a reason not to. A little kid I babysit for, that I care very much for is only 5yo, he saw my cuts, kissed my wrist and told me "kisses make the pain go away." Since then, I've cut twice. That was over 6months ago. Find something to hold onto, and let that help you stop.

[Lost n not yet found]

Nooo u definately aren't crazy :( i feel like this sometimes too i no that ur extremely strong n can get through this. Im always here 4 u hun, i know its not easy <3

[Love.Hate]

A little kid I babysit for, that I care very much for is only 5yo, he saw my cuts, kissed my wrist and told me "kisses make the pain go away." Since then, I've cut twice. That was over 6months ago. Find something to hold onto, and let that help you stop.

Aw this is a lovely story and well done you for hardly cutting since then!
I will try to find something to hold onto, thankyou.

Thankyou both xx

[FullyAlive]

I agree that story from brighter tomorrow is so sweet. I hope you do find something to hold onto. :hug:
But in answer to your original question, I also cut more than i really needed to sometimes, also because I'm proud of what I've done. I sometimes end up setting myself targets I know it's sick :/
But anyway you're definitely not alone I'm pretty sure many people are proud in a wierd way :) xxx

[Mike321]

Your not crazy, I cut far more than I needed to the other night, and I didnt feel guilty about it the next day, I felt sort of proud too.
Like the others have said, I hope you can find something to hold onto and motivate you.
But your not alone in feeling like this.

[Quahog]

You're not crazy, you let all your feelings out on cutting. I'm sure that you are going through a lot, but I used to feel the same way. Cutting was the solution to all of the craziness that I was living through. Nobody feels happy that they cut, but many people use it as a way to release their feelings, so in a way, they are glad that they did it, but cutting is nothing to be proud about. I really hope that you quit for good one day. :)

[Love.Hate]

Thankyou everyone, this has made me feel slightly less crazy.
And Im glad im not the only one that has ever felt like this <3