i seriously need someone's help

[nybabygirl]

I can't turn to my friends anymore because they're far too concerned with becoming captain of the water polo team to care. My two best friends have put me completely to the side. I feel like they take credit for everything I do to help. When they're not taking credit for what I do for the team, one of them is flirting with the guys I like. I went on an insane diet, and I lost a lot of weight, but I can't get back to eating food. It makes me sick to eat bigger portions. My parents and I don't get along. My mom and I used to be really close, but she just doesn't understand me anymore. I feel like the only person who cares is my sister, but I'm not about to ask a seven year old for advice. All of these problems are making my grades drop. I so badly want to be successful. I feel like an entirely different person. I started cutting myself again. It's been so long, but it still feels the same. It's the pain I can bring upon myself and I can stop. It's what I can control. It's what little feeling I have when I'm entirely numb. Today would have been my granma's 75th birthday and I can't imagine how disappointed in me she would be if she were still around, but at the same time she's be the only one who understands me. why am i such a screw up?

[Skeptical Bear]

You're not a screw up. All you need is someone to talk to and show you that they care for you and your emotions to comfort you. I understand what you mean with the parents and friends. Keep your head up high. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Just don't put your self down and achieve and try your hardest. Don't mind your parents or friends for now.

[nybabygirl]

thanks, but honestly I feel like nobody cares. I don't have anyone who cares for me right now. I have so many things running throught my head. who cares? who would miss me if im gone? why are the only people who truly understand me dead?...nobody wants to deal with my emotional baggage right now because all of the old crap that I thought was over with is being uncovered and I just want it all to stop.

[Quahog]

I'm so sorry your friends did that to you. You must be going through a lot. The death of your grandmother must have hurt you a lot. It's going to be just fine. You need to talk to your friends, and talk to them. If they don't want to listen, then you need to let them go. True friends will be able to support you, and listen to you.

I'm sure if your grandmother was still living, she wouldn't want you to be upset. I'm sure of it. You are not a screw up, you just are going through a lot in your life right now. Cutting, eating problems, all of that is going to go away. We are going to be able help you. Try writing, or drawing, to do something to calm yourself down. If you ever need to talk, you are always welcome here.

[Skeptical Bear]

They would care if you left. They just don't show it. That's how it is with people. We don't know how to show love. I'm sure if your friends knew what you really wanted from them that day, they would've listened first. You don't have any other friend or family member you're close enough to talk about this. It's a shame no one's there to help you.

[nybabygirl]

When my grandma died, it hit me really hard. She never saw anything wrong with me. I was so perfect to her. She always made me feel better. It was the same way with my aunt. She always told me I was her favorite neice, but of course I could never tell. She died of cancer. I knew I could always ask them for help, but they're gone. I used to draw, but my creativity is lacking.

My problem is that I don't know who to go to because I developed trust problems. My freshman year of highschool was like going through hell for me. I switched schools, but the problems didn't stay at the old school. not that i expected them too. things just kinda suck. i don't really know who to go to. I feel like if I go to one of my "friends" from school, they're just going to use it against me. My mom wants me to be home-schooled or something, so I can be watched all day, every day. I would go CRAZY. I have friends that I like to hang out with, but I don't feel like I can talk to them. I don't know if that makes sense.

[Skeptical Bear]

Sorry for your loss.:( I understand you. I have friends that I hangout with but they aren't close enough for me to talk about personal stuff. I'm not the kind of person to get close to them like that, unless they come to me.

[nybabygirl]

thanks, honestly it's just that things are to the point where my mind feels like it's going to explode. I used to be able to just pick up the phone and call one of my friends when I had a problem, but I'm back to feeling like I can't trust any of them. Maybe it's just me? I just don't know anymore

[Skeptical Bear]

You just gotta keep your head up high and don't put yourself down so much and take care of your self.

[nybabygirl]

easier said than done.