almost ruined my 4 month streak...

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

i don't know why i'm posting, i didn't cut. but i just feel like i should write it out.
so i saw black swan a few days ago, and for those who haven't seen it, i don't want to give too much away. but her mom sees the cuts on her shoulders and accuses her of relapsing. and it got me to thinking about it. then throughout the movie all i could think about were the dancers' perfect bodies, and how they were so beautiful. that made me vision myself carving the word FAT into my thighs with my exacto-knife. i wanted to, i SOOO wanted to, and i would have when i got home except for i was so tired i just fell asleep. but that night i dreamt i was cutting again. and this week i've been forgetting to take my meds, so the depersonalization and stuff is back and i've been feeling so numb i just want to cut so badly. to wake myself up from this droning day to day life. :(

[restricted NA]

Seeing that you have refrained from cutting yourself for four months shows that you are strong, It was just a dream you had. Start taking you medication again you will be fine, just take one day at a time. If you want to talk ANY time just send me a message. I truly hope you feel better. :) :) :) :) smiles !!

[Quahog]

It's going to be fine. I'm so happy that you didn't do it. Just remember to take your meds. You also have to realize that it is just a movie. You're going to be just fine. You just had a bad dream. Don't let it get to you.

[Mike321]

I'm really glad that you didnt cut, thats a good thing, 4 months is a really big achievement.
It was only a dream, we all have bad ones, its important to keep taking your meds.
Dont let it get you down though, keep going, your doing really well

[Love.Hate]

Remember to take yours meds. 4 Months is amazing!! :D
Dont let your dream get to you, because you are a strong girl, and you can do this..
Fight off this urge and Make 5..6..7 months and stop all together.
You didn't cut, thats the main thing. Keep strong hun xx

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

thanks everyone :) your support really helps me continue :)

[katieinwonderlandx]

i know what you mean. that film was very triggering! but WELL DONE for going so long. your doing well! keep it up. and im glad that you came on to write it out. your trying your best to move on, and your making effort to get through your urges :) xxx