So Confused !!

[ohsnap]

I'm in 10th grade. I had never really questioned my orientation until 8th grade, because I thought I started to have feelings for a close friend at school. For the next -forever- I often questioned my sexuality and fantasised of her admitting she was gay and then we would live happily blah~. I was always much more attracted to her emotionally than sexually.

When she declared she was moving near me, I got excited :wub: because we could then take the same train and walk together home. She's usually an unemotional quiet type of person but a lot of the times she smiled or we made eye contact, I would get nervous, look away and dream on. I also noticed that when she was around me I was (and still am) more self-conscious and sorta try to be cooler, almost like how a guy would try to impress a girl. At the point I realised that I thought I was transgender but then again I don't have body dysphoria. My feelings mostly have worn off now after about a year and 2 months.

A bad habit of mine is trying not to seem like I pay any special attention to the people I 'like' - and this ends up exaggerating itself and makes me slightly more of a jerk around them :(:(

This hasn't been the only time I've been confused - once outside of school I was sitting at a ceremony thingy and this girl kept walking across the front of the room and I just got really nervous and thought she was pretty attractive.:eek:

Anyway sorry if it's bored you, but I just really want to know if this means something, if it means I'm going through a phase or anything. Thanks!

[Contra]

This can be one of three things, in my opinion:

- Just a phase, and that is a result of the normal curiosity teenagers go through. In that case, you shouldn't worry because it will most likely disappear;

- You can actually be in love with her, and in that case you're either bi or gay, that is, if you feel strong feelings towards other girls too;

- If she's a close friend, that may be a stronger feeling you nourish for her, not exactly a serious relationship feeling, but a friendship one.

Which of one of those is, it's up to you to find out. Don't worry too much about it! :)

[Vallejo]

In my opinion, this could be the product of hormones. Have you always felt this way about other girls? Around the middle school age is when your hormones and attractions start running wild - in fact, I knew plenty of girls who in middle school thought they were gay or bisexual, but turned out to be just a phase. What's your opinion on the situation you're in?

[ohsnap]

This was the first time I had felt so deeply towards someone. I think I even ended up crying before thinking about the impossibility of a life together. :( I would think about the issue a lot.

Earlier the same year I became infatuated with this girl I also was quite attached to another. Back another 2 years was the same case, but after each time the depth and duration built up. So I do have quite a history of 'liking' girls, starting from when I was about 11. (15 now)

If I had to label myself, it would probably lean towards being straight, as I've had crushes on guys, I think just physically though but then again it doesn't really get that deep in elementary school. Thanks for the help!:) I don't know if I consider myself straight or bi, but I think I'm probably straight and very confused.

[Vallejo]

Sounds about right to me. :P I'm dealing with some similar(ish) confusion, so if you need a "blank face" to talk to, feel free to PM me any time.