I am so done

[Syvelocin]

I hate to make another thread, but this time it's an entirely different deal and I'm sort of breaking down right now and it's scaring me.

In the past hour or so, I've cried twice, the first probably lasted two minutes, the second time lasted twenty seconds. And afterward, I had a very brief spell of my depression. Now, for some reason I'm typing twice my usual wpm and my eyes are wide open, I'm a bit shaky as well but it's not low blood sugar or anything.

This is probably just a heat of the moment thing. But I want to A. get the fuck out of here and back home and B. drop out.

I can't take this anymore. At least tonight. I can't wait a couple more years, I need to go home.

I've lost everything. And the remainder of what I used to have is only at home. It was taken from me.

If this lasts through to tomorrow, then I think I've come to the last straw before my breaking point. This probably is my breaking point. If it blows over, so be it. But this feels scary. Who am I?

My parents won't be happy with me, assuming this isn't just some weird reaction and I just need to get some sleep. Only because they chipped in roughly $2000 that I don't have to pay them back. At this point though, it's not going to work. I guess I'll just have to repay them over time.

Oh, and crying fit number three just happened, lasted about seven seconds. What the fuck is this?

[Fiction]

Maybe you really are just homesick? Maybe the thought of home etc is triggering these crying attacks. I've had similar before once when I was camping and it was cold and my parents weren't coming to pick me up until much later. I just wanted to go home and I just kept almost crying.

Your parents might not be happy but surly they'd be even less happy if you kept quiet about it and then ended up really unhappy?

As you said yourself, you'll just have to see if this blows over or not. Hope you're ok Rith :)

[Syvelocin]

Yeah, it didn't blow over :/

I called my mum about it, though that's not the hard part. She of course has always been about my happiness and such, the money isn't a problem. Telling my stepdad however is another story.

This just... isn't for me. I don't know why I decided to go to college. And I shouldn't be here. I don't belong here, there's nothing for me here. Everything I want is at home. Friends I've had since primary school, my home town, and of course my parents.

But I have another person to talk to as well, Jay. At least the dropping out isn't an issue there. I'll have to wait it out probably though. The reason we're here in the first place is for his grandmother who's ill, and Jay's super close to her. Either way, we were going to wait until she passed away to go anywhere else.

[Fiction]

Well, at least you have your mother on your side. She can probably persuade your step dad or whatever you two decide is best :)

At least you have Jay too, and I assume you are still in touch with all your friends and such? :)

If she's really that ill, as horrible as this sounds, it might not be long until you are able to go back home. Just hold on in there Rith :)

[Syvelocin]

Yeah, probably. I know in the end it's not up to them, but it's my stepdad's reaction I worry about, since he's the money maker. I'll probably start saving up to repay them, whether in the end they want me to or not. That's the only part I'm having trouble with about what I've decided, it's the money. But I guess it's cheaper to drop out now than go through it not enjoying it, or drop out later you know. I wouldn't have to pay the fees for the later years, wouldn't have to get a student loan, then I have more money to repay them.

Yeah, we e-mail regularly :P But I feel so disconnected, and truthfully jealous, because I'm not there to be their friend, and we have been friends for so long.

[Fiction]

Well yeah, dropping out now would be better for everybody if you're really that unhappy. It's not a decision anyone can make for you so just do what feels right :)