Friends + Family

[OutOfOrder]

This Sunday I accidentally told one of my friends that I was going to kill myself after our activities that day. We were both sitting together when he figured it out after I said that I wasn't going to see him next week because i was moving somewhere else and that I had enjoyed having him as a friend. He asked me if I was planning on actually doing it, and I didn't reply and he started to cry and told me that he really cared about me.

On the car ride back (his dad picked us both up) he started texting me asking why I wanted to do it. I read his texts, but didn't reply to them. One he sent said that I shouldn't do it, if not for anyone else, at least don't do it for him. That really struck me, but didn't make me change my decision. After that, he started getting mad and texted me saying that I could go ahead and do it and if I tried he would call my parents and 911 and get people to help me.

After I went to sleep, I was woken up at 2:30 by my dad. He apparently had gotten a call from my friend's parents saying that my friend told them to check up on me because something was wrong. My dad looked through my texts with my friend and basically figured out what was going on. We talked till 5 about the whole thing. Now I just feel more pain and embarrassment than I felt before... I think all the other parents and my friends know now... I don't want this...

The only thing keeping me here right now is my little brother. I don't want to ruin his life just because I am feeling so bad right now. I love him so much, but he is the only one that I feel this way towards. Not my parents, not my friends, not my girl friend, no one else. I don't want my brother to ever find out I was thinking this because it might really affect him and I don't want him feeling any pain or sadness.

My main questions right now are: Why does my friend care so much about me (we don't even see each other that often)? How will this affect our relationship from now on? How will this affect my family and my relationship? How can I help myself not feel so much pain anymore without seeing a professional for help?

I've seen how much my even thinking about doing something like this hurts so many people. I want to help myself. I want to at least take my pain away from other people. Let them at least live happy long lives...

[Quahog]

Because suicide is a big deal. It's nothing to joke about. People take suicide threats very seriously. Whether you were joking or not. That's why its never really a good idea to even joke about killing yourself, or saying that you want to kill yourself, because people will assume that you are being serious about the whole thing.

I would just apologize for the whole thing. Just explain yourself. Be happy that your friend and your Dad were concerned about you.

He was just trying to be a good friend. If one of my friends texted me and said, I'm going to kill myself, I would call their parents, my parents, the police, because suicide is a big deal.

I don't think that you want to kill yourself. I think, like you mentioned, said it out of accident, but my advice to you, is that you just stay friends with you friends. Apologize to him.

Even though your life may not be going in the right directions for you, suicide isn't something to bring up, even as a joke topic.

[OutOfOrder]

Thanks for the reply.

But see, that's the thing... I actually wanted to... I wasn't joking about the whole thing... I thought that no one cared about me... Seeing my friend cry was hard for me... I'm really too embarrassed now to talk to him or look at him straight... I've stopped texting him also... I feel like everyone is acting so differently around me now... I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone who knows him also because he might have told them too...

I don't want to kill myself anymore because I now see how many people it might actually hurt... I want to make things back to the way they were with everyone, but I don't think that's going to happen now...

[DrkZ90]

there you have a reason to live for: you have a friend that cares so much about you that he did everything he could think of to help you with this. All he did was trying to help, because he clearly cares a LOT about you.

Don't be mad at him, I think you should talk to him about this... he is offering his support, that's why he tried to save you. Things can go back to normal, as long as you want to and can forgive yourself.

[Quahog]

Thanks for the reply.

But see, that's the thing... I actually wanted to... I wasn't joking about the whole thing... I thought that no one cared about me... Seeing my friend cry was hard for me... I'm really too embarrassed now to talk to him or look at him straight... I've stopped texting him also... I feel like everyone is acting so differently around me now... I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone who knows him also because he might have told them too...

I don't want to kill myself anymore because I now see how many people it might actually hurt... I want to make things back to the way they were with everyone, but I don't think that's going to happen now...


Well, I'm glad that you changed your mind about it. I'm sure that your friend is going to support you no matter what.

[OutOfOrder]

Thanks for the replies guys... I know that he was trying to help me and all... My parents are trying to act normal around me, but I know that all they can think about right now is that I wanted to kill myself... This is basically like a failed suicide right? I feel like they don't know what they could have done wrong and so are trying to find ways to make up for that... Today my mom started watching videos of me as a kid (I used to be always happy and jumpy, and now I don't really smile or talk that often).

I want to go back to the way it was before (when I just kept this to myself) so that all the people around me can stop worrying about it... I don't know how to though... Any suggestions for trying to rebuild what was just destroyed?

[DrkZ90]

why do you want to go back to the time when you kept all your problems bottled up? That's one of the reasons that brought you to suicide in the first place... you should actually take this as a chance to get it all out of your system, to get better :)

[OutOfOrder]

why do you want to go back to the time when you kept all your problems bottled up? That's one of the reasons that brought you to suicide in the first place... you should actually take this as a chance to get it all out of your system, to get better :)

I want to go back to then because that's when no one else was hurting because of me... I just feel like a rock dragging people down now... I don't feel like talking to my friend about this either because i'm too embarrassed... I don't think I could even look at him without feeling this way now...

[DrkZ90]

I think you actually need to tell him just that... he cares a lot about you, you should trust him a bit more... the worst way to deal with your problems is to do it alone

I know it's easier said than done, but you have a great way to start, you know for a fact you have a great friend that cares a lot about you, someone who you can trust.

[OutOfOrder]

Yea, I we texted each other today and we talked about the whole thing. He said that after he got home he tried to forget the whole thing, but couldn't. He said that he didn't tell anyone else besides his parents also... We basically talked for about 2.5 hours and ended with him telling me he loved me and me saying I loved him too.

I know that he really cares a lot. Talking to him made me feel a lot better. I have something to live for now; a friend who loves me and a family that really cares about my welfare and happiness.

Thanks for everyone's help!