not again, I cant escape >.<

[insanity]

fuck wire wrapped razor blades >.< they are supposed to prevent cuts... I was so determinte to cut and then I picked up the wire wrapped razor blade, it didnt work. It made me mad.
I found another razor, this time a proper one. And this time I carved my knees up, I was still annoyed and moved on to sissors.
I hadnt cut for weeks... the day before my sister told me she wanted to run away, that just chucked everything out the window.
It felt good all the blood running down my legs.
I found a bottle of half open cider in the fridge and drunk the rest of it :yummy: but I shouldnt drink at my age but at least it helped..
but then I cut again this morning....
Ive got swimming sports in less then a week, and there is no way the cuts will heal in time, I cant wear togs with my legs looking like this, everyone will guess what happend. mum will make me go and I cant think of a new excuse.
the worst bit was this time I didnt cry or feel bad till afterwards at the time I just felt like a sadistic little kid playing docters with herself.
thismornings cut wont stop bleeding, Im at home by myself and I live in the middle of nowhere i dont know what to do >.<
now I just hate myself more then normal
and im scared.

[Njathind]

Awwwww hun :hug:

I'm so sorry to hear that, I know how you must have felt, feeling the blood run is so soothing for me. With the cuts what I usually do is get a roll of toilet tissue and wrap it around my arm or leg, wherever the cuts are, and then tape it all up nice and firm. then just leave it for a few hours, take it off and then dap whatever blood is left, if it still carrys on bleeding I just wrap up again.

If there is no way you can get out of swimming cant you wear board shorts or something similar so they cover your legs?

Just look on this as a slip up, you gotta get up and carry on, next time the urge comes try some distraction techniques, ice, rubber band, drawing, punching a pillow, screaming into a pillow? Anything's better than cutting right?

I hope your ok hun, if you ever wanna talk I'm always here, ok? :hug3:

[Quahog]

I feel so sorry for you. It's ok. I'm glad that you were able to stop cutting for a while. Sometimes, we aren't able to stay away from the blades. Have you ever thought of just throwing away the razors. Even if you find something new, throw it away, or hide it, don't even look at it. If your cuts wont stop bleeding, that doesn't sound good. Make sure they don't get infected.

If you have swimming, I would just go. If you are uncomfortable, tell your mother that you are too sick to go to swimming practice.

I really hope you find something that will make you stay away from cutting. Whether it be mashing clay, or stretching rubber bands, or things like that. Remember to always post in the non self harm calender. You are always welcome to come here for help.

[Mike321]

I'm really sorry to hear what happened, but its good that you manage to stop for a few weeks.
Maybe try and hide your blades from yourself or throw them away, and if your finding it hard not do it, some of the suggestions mentioned above are really good, and are worth a try to see if it helps.
Is there no way at all that you can get out of swimming?

Dont let this get you down though, you've proved that you can make it a few weeks, you can do it again, I hope your okay

[Alaph]

The best thing you can do now, is just to never cut yourself again.

[RAWWR]

The best thing you can do now, is just to never cut yourself again.

If only it were that simple....

[Fiction]

The best thing you can do now, is just to never cut yourself again.

Cutting is an addiction. Just "never cut(ting) yourself again" is so much easier said than done. Please do not post pointless things like this again.