I'm not the girl I used to be.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I'm not the same person... In this last year, I've changed so fxcking much it's unbelievable... and not in a good way either... I've lost so many friends... yet gained an amazing one, a sister.

I actually, seriously think I have some sort of depression... I definitely have the symptoms.

To be honest. I think I've lost myself. I don't know who I am any more. I've lost/losing so much at the minute, I can't handle it. Cutting isn't enough any more. They're getting worse, deeper.

I have 3 main secrets. Only one person knows all three...

I want to go back to the happy, carefree girl I used to be. Not this one. Not the one who is too scared to go to sleep at night, not the one who has to hide, not this pathetic shell of nothingness.

I can't do this any more. Everything is killing me. Slowly.

I don't get any peace any more. Not even when drunk... or high. It quietens everything in my head for a bit, but then once I've reached my limit and gone past it, everything just fxcking rushed back... 10x worse. I'm ashamed of what happened last time I got wasted. I can't think about it with out getting angry about it, without shaking.

I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. Without any stupid ass thoughts in my head.

I'm just waiting for the cracks to finally break. I'm like a time bomb, waiting to go off...

I wont be able to carry on much longer. I'm struggling as it is.

[Quahog]

You're going to be alright. It's always good to let all your feelings out. Do you do anything for fun, or you do as an activity? Do a sport, or write stories. I just think you need something to motivate yourself. As you seem depressed. Maybe join a club, and hang out with friends. Maybe do things with your sister.

We all have secrets, and its up to you as to whether you want people to know your secrets. If you still need help, we are all here to help you with your problems, and you can talk to anyone.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I wish I could believe that.... I know its good to let feelings out, but I, I can't talk about my feelings, over internet its easy, cause I don't know anyone, and I can't see the reactions, but in person... I can't. The only thing I do is sit on laptop, do see my friends but, when I'm with them, I am happier... kind of, but there's always that little voice in the back of my head that wont let me be truly happy. Then when I'm on my own again, everything comes rushing back. It doesn't matter how good a day I've had... I still have the same, stupid feelings/thoughts. I've never been good at being motivated... And its difficult to break a lifetime of habits. I try. But nothing works.

and thank you

[EvilDeathMist]

i can relate.... and like vibrant said youll be alright... you just have to not give up so easily.... just cause your not yourself now dont mean you wont go back to being yourself.... maybe theres something diffacult in yourlife right now (i mean i dont know but ) if there is youll get over it... its a stage and once you get up there and feel comfortable, youll rock it out.... (get what im saying????)

[TakeToTheSkies.]

I know what you mean. It feels like I lost everyone and everything... my best friend chose a girl she's known for 2 years over someone she's known her whole life-me. I was so down and depressed about it, but then I realized life wasn't over. I got a new best friend, and yeah I know that nobody will ever compare to my old one, but I learned to let go. I promised myself that the new year would be better. And I'm happy as can be now. Shit happens, and life's a bitch. I know I wasn't a big help, but feel free to message me if you need anything. (:

[Alaph]

You will be the happy, carefree girl you used to be, again.
Just keep going, things will get better.