It's literally killing me

[Elphie]

I haven't been on this site for a while now. But I need to get my thoughts out, and this is the best place.

There is this guy. We were in a relationship for 11 months, and then he dumped me. Not many days later, he wanted me back, but I had rushed into a new relationship, desperate to get over the first one. He decided to do the same, and got himself a girlfriend. I couldn't be with the new guy, because I truly, deeply, madly loved the other one. And he loved me back. But he still wanted his new girl. We slept together, while he was dating her, and she dumped him. Now we're sleeping together at least once a week, but he says that his head is a mess and he doesn't know what he wants. But to the other girl, he says that he loves her and wants her. That she's the only one he wants. She wants him, but doesn't trust him.

I'm just feeling like a living blow-up doll, but I can't do anything about it. Because I love him. I truly do, even if you don't believe it. Even if I am just seventeen. When I met him, I was planning my suicide. I had all the details, I had the note, I had the place, the time. I knew how I would do it. But he just came in to my life and brought light back in it. Which makes it even harder to let go. I have no choice but to wait patiently for him to contact me, because he doesn't answer the phone or my texts, or msn or skype or whatever. Whenever he doesn't answer, I feel like I don't exist.

I recently started self harming again, and I take a lot of pills just to numb the pain and make everything go away.

So, I'm asking you, dear strangers. What am I supposed to do?

[Sage]

You need to learn how to love yourself. Being emotionally dependent on other people isn't a healthy way to go through life. I'd also recommend you look into the psych ward and drug boards for more specific help on your self-harming and pill-popping issues.

[kyle95]

This advice won't help you if you're hell-bent of hearing what you want to hear - that you ought keep going after him. That's a destructive course to be on and clearly one that's giving you heartache and trouble.

If it's any consolation, people fall in and out of love all the time. It's typical for a bloke to play the field. Not many of us like to be "tied down" at this age, perhaps in our 20's, but not now. Also the more desperate you are and appear, the less appealing you'll be to him. Let's face it, who wants a complicated relationship? Remember, blokes get a high from the chase; sitting down and trying to make a relationship work isn't in the cards yet for most of us. Ideally it would be fab if you're able to grow in this relationship but the operative word here is "grow" - the both of you. You may be confusing need, companionship, sex, etc., for love. It doesn't sound like he's maturing much. He will break your heart and countless other girls. But this will come at a price to him down the road if he has a conscience.

In general girls are more mature than blokes, so don't let him dictate your emotions and life. Just like the way you met him, you will meet someone else and hopefully you'll avoid the same mistakes.

Snap out of it, take him out of your mind and prepare yourself for the next adventure - he's not the only bloke in the pond. As for love, it's just a state - most of us are in love with the "idea" of being in love, the attention, etc. Don't fall victim to deceivers who are quick to tell you they love you and don't give in at the first compliment.