I can't stop.

[Magenta]

I've tried. I have, I swear. I want to give up. This is hopeless. Useless. Just like me.

I've tried to just stop. Highest I got was seven days before a nasty relapse and a suicide attempt. After that, I could barely keep going.

I tried to limit the number of times a day I could cut. I used to make maybe five cuts, four times a day. The past couple days, it's only been once but there were twenty five cuts. Do the math.

I can try to limit my number of cuts a day... But then they will be deeper. One cut a day has to be able to bleed like my usual twenty five.

Right now, I have 99 healing cuts since when I first tried to stop. I don't think I can keep going. One more to make 100. Nice even number. I can't even count the number of scars I have. Too many.

This is a mess.

[Charleigh]

Hey hun.
Your not usless at all, everybody has difficulty at times and the difficulty can result in different things. You have tried Jo, and you need to keep on going and try as hard as you can, never give up! Your a nice young girl who has alot of potential, you have a bright future and you still have your life ahead of you yet hun!!

You can keep going! You can fight this, I know you can! Your a couragous, inspiring young girl, who many people like and you have an amazing personality, you are strong and you can win this fight, I know you can!

Remember the snowflake releif project? Rely on that to get you through the tough times, dont let self harming take over the sweet girl that you are! You have probly been through alot, I dont know, but I know you can be strong. Fuck limiting your cuts, just stop. Thats like cigarettes, you limit yourself and then you get pissed off because you have either exeeded your limit or you feel like you have no control because you have a limit. So, ditch the self harming tools, and pick up the snowflakes =D

When you say you will do it just one more time, we both know, this wont be the last time. You have to stay strong with the temptation. Again, its like a cigarette, the amount of times I have said, this is my last one, and smoked another one is uncountable! When you want to cut, do something to distract yourself, remember what you told me, throw ice cubes into the bath tub and watch them smash. Well, pretend the ice is your past, self harming, depression and tears. Throw them with all your might and watch them smash so you can move on from it.

I know you can stay strong Jo. Im here if you ever need to talk!
:hug:

[Magenta]

Not sure if I can do that, Charlie. Not enough will.

[Charleigh]

Not sure if I can do that, Charlie. Not enough will.

Yes you do. You have to beleive you do.
You wont get nowhere in life with that attitude! :yeah:

[FullyAlive]

I don't really know what to suggest, but keep trying you have to keep trying you can't give up!
I think you need to talk to someone do you have a psychiatrist? Your cutting clearly isn't under control and if you keep going you could end up really hurting yourself. I don't know why you cut but it's dangerous and unhealthy, I'm sorry but it's true. You need some help, you need to stop.
If you want to talk I'm here I want to help :)

[Magenta]

Thanks Louise.

I have a therapist I speak to but I'm not sure I can talk to her about the cutting. I can barely even say the word 'cutting' out loud. It's just not something I've ever been able to do. But I know it is not under control at all. I'm really careful to cut places where I cannot see any of my veins from paranoia even though if I wouldn't seriously hurt myself, I would just to see the blood.

I have a psychiatrist appointment in ten days. I guess I can see how that goes. If I feel comfortable talking to him about other things, maybe I will talk to him about the cutting.

[FullyAlive]

I understand what you mean about saying cutting I find that difficult too I tend to avoid the word, 10 days is a long time please be careful don't do anything stupid before you talk to you're pyschiatrist.
Keep checking that there are no obvious veins when you cut, even if you cant decrease the amount you cut you need to make sure you continue staying safe :)

[Magenta]

I will try to be careful. I'm just trying to find a way to stop that works. I'm not sure... I really can't think of anything. And I'm the one running a recovery website! Gah. My own idea fails.

[Quahog]

Calm down, it's going to be alright. Seven days doesn't seem like a long time, but it's a very big accomplishment. I was a heavy cutter myself. But I eventually quit. If I can do it, I know you can do it Jo. There are lots of people here who were in your same situation right now, and are willing to help you. Me included. Charlie's advice is very good, and I pretty much agree with her. Never be afraid to talk, and let your feelings out. Every day that you don't cut is an accomplishment.

[Magenta]

I can try. Wanting to cry right now. Everyday lately, I feel like such a failure. All the self-hatred... and that just makes me cut again. It will never stop! But I'll try...

[Charleigh]

I can try. Wanting to cry right now. Everyday lately, I feel like such a failure. All the self-hatred... and that just makes me cut again. It will never stop! But I'll try...

It WILL stop. Im telling you Jo it will stop. You just have to make it stop, and I know you can do that. Stop doubting yourself, your an awesome girl, you can do it, me and the whole of VT all agree (that totally rhymed =P)

Push on ;)