my story

[mynameisnotimportant]

I need to vent..to tell someone what its been like, and how this all started:

I started suffering from depression at the age of 10. This was around the time i started to cut aswell. I alienated myself just so people wouldn't notice cause all i really wanted to do was be invisible, to dissapear. I tried to hang myself because i was so sick of feeling so stupid and insignificant. i just needed everything to go. I got my first councellor at this age but they didnt seem to take me seriously and it didnt help so i quit.
I managed to stop si when i started secondary school..i told myself it was a chance to reinvent myself, to be someone likeable and it worked untill my act began to fall apart around me. I wore different clothes from everyone else and got bullied for it...i then ended up being groomed online by an older man and then abused when i finally met them. My family found out and the police got involved. I had nobody to talk to, the person i thought was my only friend had abused me and no one at school would talk to me. I ended up cutting again and school found out because of in p.e...id usually hand in notes that id written to say i couldnt but i got made to by my teacher and everybody just stared at me when i got changed. i felt so ashamed by it, there was no hiding from it now. at school people would talk about me sometimes behind my back sometimes to my face and at home my family were always angry at me because of the man i had met. i wasnt even allowed to leave the room without their permission. It was so tense, the only thing that helped me through was cutting. Fast forward a few years and school wasnt so unbearable. id made friends but then things started to turn sour...my friends started taking drugs and drinking. theyd changed and i hadnt so i quickly became used and mocked by them. I ended up breaking down and dropping out of school because i couldnt cope at all. During this time i started getting involved with girls out of confusion..i couldnt tell if i didnt like men because of that incident or because i was actually gay. I ended up vunerable and used by one person in particular over the course of a year, the stress ending up in me od-ing and spendind a week in hospital. I had a six month break from cutting because my boyfriend threatend to dump me if i did, and now hes gone i havnt been able to stop myself. I know its bad but its one constant in my life thats always there.

Whats your story?

[Charleigh]

I dont talk about my story. I think of my story as another story that people look at and say "Awww you poor poor thing, god bless your little soul". Besides, I havent much too tell.

Its really good that you are starting to vent and become confortable with coming out about your past and your story. Now that you are starting to reflect and look back, you need to make sure you deal with it in the right way. I know what its like to be alone and have nobody there, but there will always be someone there for you. You wont ever be alone, sometimes you even have yourself.

Boys ... hun ... ive been there lol. Your boyfriend dumped you because he is an unsupportive ass, sorry but its the truth. There is not point looking back and saying "Well its my fault, I harmed so I lost him" thats not right at all. He left you becausehe didnt accept you for who you are, but only critized you and what you were/are doing. You dont need people like that, you need a barrier of supportive people that will always be there for you and wont turn around and say "Well you do that again and im going to leave you". You need someone who wont judge, wont critisize and will always be there to talk to.

Im happy that you tell people your story, its better than keeping it in.
And again, as for being alone, your never alone (;
Im here if you ever need to talk
:hug: