Addressing my mind...

[wiip]

You may have noticed on some of the other mental illness fora I've been checking off symptoms. Time to point out the ones I have here...

Depersonalisation a few years ago. I was going through a dark time: pretty much everybody I knew hated me. I started violently lashing out more often, until suddenly- emotion went. Basic emotions returned pretty soon, but I've still not quite recovered deep feeling. I still can't cry. But I've felt love; something I never had before it. It was insanely strong- the way I feel about this girl I can never get is intense. It's weird.

Loss of Hygiene- I'm disgusting. I take showers in the morning, but because it's part of the regime. I wash because people complain I smell in English (nowhere else?), and deodorant on the same fear. But I rarely brush my teeth, hardly ever wash my hands after the toilet, and am always wearing these wool fingerless gloves that must have more bacteria than known to man in them :P but seriously, I know my lack of washing is wrong- I just don't feel it. I can't think automatically- unclean, must be washed. It's just talking to myself in the mirror (because the mirror is the great cool guy i wanna be, not the stupid rat i am) or going somewhere else.

I get easily sidetracked- will be talking with people about one thing, then suddenly remember something else vaguely connected, and go on about it. I will often be distracted by pretty landscapes or people, or an interesting looking place that I could do an activity in (e.g. good for music, good for jumping about in, good for learning/teaching in et c.).

I often talk about irrelevant things, or have spontaneous ideas that people woll

I often hear random tones, often without direction (i.e. I'll turn my head this way and that but it's always the same), but sometimes with (like a real sound). They can get rather loud, but not that loud. Totally random times.

I have strong plans and can get lost in thought.

I am totally lost in emotions in my head. For being emotionless, I'm pretty emotional. It's so strange. The big one is the fact that I'm totally head over heels for this girl, but even the reject kids reject me, so there's no way I'll get with an angel like her... And this rattles around my head day after day. Also worries that I'm mad, all these issues and more, thoughts about my sexuality and my beliefs...

I've been behaving like a kid for years. It's like I'm scared to mature in behaviour as I actually do mature for fear that people will notice. So I'm stuck in these pre-prescribed behaviour patterns (all over the place; I'll have acted one way originally with a group of people, and I become that person subsequently meeting those people. It's scary).

I can't make friends- I think this is more my acne, pig-headed argumentativeness and the fact that I don't shut up (hence this big screed up here) that's doing this.

So that's my head. Is this anything like real schizophrenia, or am I jumping to conclusions? Have I got a condition, or am I just a colourful character?

Thanks for reading my monologue ;P

[Quahog]

Like before, when you asked if you had OCD, if you feel you have a mental illness, whether it be bi-polar, ocd, schizo, you need to speak with a professional, as they will be able to diagnose you. You can have symptoms of the diseases, which I see that you do, but you need to talk to a counselor, or a psychologist, he or she will officially tell you if you have it or not.

[aaron4455]

You may have noticed on some of the other mental illness fora I've been checking off symptoms. Time to point out the ones I have here...

Depersonalisation a few years ago. I was going through a dark time: pretty much everybody I knew hated me. I started violently lashing out more often, until suddenly- emotion went. Basic emotions returned pretty soon, but I've still not quite recovered deep feeling. I still can't cry. But I've felt love; something I never had before it. It was insanely strong- the way I feel about this girl I can never get is intense. It's weird.

Loss of Hygiene- I'm disgusting. I take showers in the morning, but because it's part of the regime. I wash because people complain I smell in English (nowhere else?), and deodorant on the same fear. But I rarely brush my teeth, hardly ever wash my hands after the toilet, and am always wearing these wool fingerless gloves that must have more bacteria than known to man in them :P but seriously, I know my lack of washing is wrong- I just don't feel it. I can't think automatically- unclean, must be washed. It's just talking to myself in the mirror (because the mirror is the great cool guy i wanna be, not the stupid rat i am) or going somewhere else.

I get easily sidetracked- will be talking with people about one thing, then suddenly remember something else vaguely connected, and go on about it. I will often be distracted by pretty landscapes or people, or an interesting looking place that I could do an activity in (e.g. good for music, good for jumping about in, good for learning/teaching in et c.).

I often talk about irrelevant things, or have spontaneous ideas that people woll

I often hear random tones, often without direction (i.e. I'll turn my head this way and that but it's always the same), but sometimes with (like a real sound). They can get rather loud, but not that loud. Totally random times.

I have strong plans and can get lost in thought.

I am totally lost in emotions in my head. For being emotionless, I'm pretty emotional. It's so strange. The big one is the fact that I'm totally head over heels for this girl, but even the reject kids reject me, so there's no way I'll get with an angel like her... And this rattles around my head day after day. Also worries that I'm mad, all these issues and more, thoughts about my sexuality and my beliefs...

I've been behaving like a kid for years. It's like I'm scared to mature in behaviour as I actually do mature for fear that people will notice. So I'm stuck in these pre-prescribed behaviour patterns (all over the place; I'll have acted one way originally with a group of people, and I become that person subsequently meeting those people. It's scary).

I can't make friends- I think this is more my acne, pig-headed argumentativeness and the fact that I don't shut up (hence this big screed up here) that's doing this.

So that's my head. Is this anything like real schizophrenia, or am I jumping to conclusions? Have I got a condition, or am I just a colourful character?

Thanks for reading my monologue ;P

:eek: holy shit im the same way huh didnt think there was some eles like me

[Brayden]

I'm not a doctor, if you feel like you've lost your marbles you should see a doctor, blah blah blah.

It sounds to me like you don't have schizophrenia, but perhaps a rather severe case of hormonal angsty teenager syndrome (or HATS, I like to call it). Nothing you've described seems particularly out of the ordinary for a 16 year old, which is a good thing. You may be slightly depressed, and thus don't 'feel' things too deeply and don't particularly think to wash; and maybe you have some mild ADD that makes it hard to focus on things when you're not being stimulated enough... But honestly, you sound quite alright to me.

If you do feel off, and you know yourself better than I do, then why don't you schedule regular appointments with some type of therapist or counselor? Even if everything turns up normal, it's not a bad idea to have someone around that you can talk to easily.