My little sister.

[Fiction]

So yeah basically my little sister came into my room today, to tell me she self harms. She bites the inside of her lip until it bleeds. I saw all the blood on her bed covers, and the inside of her mouth, and it's pretty bad for biting. She's 11. It's the most horrible thought ever :/

Although i'm not 100% sure it's actual self harm. I talked to her for a long time about it, she said she doesn't know why she does it. I asked her if it's to do with being upset or worried, and she said she didn't know. I asked her what she liked about it, she said she didn't know, but she said she really can't stop. So is this self harm?

She told me because she wants to stop. She was asking me for help but at the same time asking me to help her tell my mum. She scared of telling my mum and i'm not sure she'll do it, but i'm not sure if I should just do it for her. I spent a while talking to her and she ended up crying. Me and my sister aren't really close, but i'm so glad she could tell me. I don't want her to be alone in this, although i didn't, and i'm not planning to, tell her about my cutting.

I've given her a challenge, told her we will see how many days she can go without. I also told her to use distractions when she wanted to do it. She said she's never told anyone except me.

I don't really know what to do, or how to help her. Or if this is even self harm. Anyone got any answers?

Thanks.

[Kaius]

Well self harm is usually defined as intentionally causing harm to ones self, so I guess it is technically is. Though lip biting is fairly common, I would keep an eye on it. I'm glad she opened up to you, thats going to help her a lot if it starts to get any more serious. As for telling your mum when or if she decides to it could also work in your favour also, because you'd be able to check your mums reaction to your sister.

[Quahog]

How old is she? Many young children pick at scars, scratch themselves for no reason sometimes. I agree with you that maybe it's not really self harm. I just think maybe she has a habit of biting the inside of her mouth.

I'm glad that you are supportive of her, as sisters/brothers should be.

[Rutherford The Brave]

Any harm that you inflict upon yourself is self harm. Whether shes doing it consciously or subconsciously is the issue. If she does it to feel better etc, etc, etc. Then its self harm. If she does is subconsciously, she might have another existing issue that you as her sister are not aware of. Either way shes harming herself and the reason why you may never know.

[Alexithymia]

Don't just look to the present, look in the past. Was there any trauma in her past that could have caused the need for the biting? If so, then it's probably self-harmed defined by those who actually do it. If not, then it's probably just something she does. Or, it could be was Boss DJ said, and it could be subconscious. No matter what, take this seriously.

[Fiction]

Well as i mentioned she says she doesn't know why she's does it, although i've asked her to give it some thought. The thing the bothers me is that she can't stop, and is concious that she can't stop.

She has anger issues, and has lots of arguements with my parents. My mum has often thought my sister has slight OCD tendencies... i'm no medical professional but my mum is. Maybe it's something to do with this? Also when she gets annoyed at herself she goes on about how much she hates herself. Surly these are other signs that she is a self harmer? :/

Thanks for your replies.

[Alexithymia]

That second paragraph said a lot. There probably is something, subconscious or conscious. Like I said before, support her. :)

[Rutherford The Brave]

Well as i mentioned she says she doesn't know why she's does it, although i've asked her to give it some thought. The thing the bothers me is that she can't stop, and is concious that she can't stop.

She has anger issues, and has lots of arguements with my parents. My mum has often thought my sister has slight OCD tendencies... i'm no medical professional but my mum is. Maybe it's something to do with this? Also when she gets annoyed at herself she goes on about how much she hates herself. Surly these are other signs that she is a self harmer? :/

Thanks for your replies.

That second paragraph said a lot. There probably is something, subconscious or conscious. Like I said before, support her. :)

I had a sneaking suspiscion I was right in saying that. I felt like lip biting is a bit of a wierd way to harm oneself.

[Fiction]

It is an odd way, although I do it too sometimes if i'm at school or something, or with my parents and have no other way. Although my sisters lip biting is much more sevre than mine.

[Rutherford The Brave]

Yeah, I hear you. I used to do it, just a anxious habit kind of thing.

[Aceso]

Hey there. :)
Firstly, you did well in my opinion. You handled it calmly and maturely, and didn't make drama out of it, and that's the best thing you can do.
Just make her feel loved, give her support if she needs it and don't press it if she doesn't want to talk - It might make her feel pressured to stop, and thats one of the worst feelings in this situation.
I think it's important to tell your mom, especially because she is only 11. But see how she goes with your challenge. I think that she must be ready though.
The thing is that nobody here knows here, and you must do what feels right. Just be there for her, and look out for her.

[Fiction]

Yeah, i'm going to see how getting her to stop works, then see what she wants to do. It seems she wants to tell my mum, but she was scared. When I asked why she said because I dont know what she'll do. I'm not sure what she meant by this really :/

[MadManWithaBox]

Just sounds like a bad habit to me. She doesn't know how your mum will react.

[Kitty]

i think you need to tell your mum.
If she gets worse and ends up doing something dangerous you will never forgive your self if you didn't tell your mum.
Your mum will respect you and your issue if she is told and doesn''t have to find out by accident. That always wrecks a mum. As they are more upset that the child has hid from her and not been able to tell her.
I don't know how she feels if both her daughters do this. :( I know it's gonna be hard. But that's my opinion !!! :( xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Rutherford The Brave]

i think you need to tell your mum.
If she gets worse and ends up doing something dangerous you will never forgive your self if you didn't tell your mum.
Your mum will respect you and your issue if she is told and doesn''t have to find out by accident. That always wrecks a mum. As they are more upset that the child has hid from her and not been able to tell her.
I don't know how she feels if both her daughters do this. :( I know it's gonna be hard. But that's my opinion !!! :( xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I lied.

[Syvelocin]

On the contrary, I WOULDN'T tell your mum. She definitely needs to do it herself. And as a self-harmer, if you've ever been told on, you'll know what I mean when I say it's not a good thing to do unless the situation is much more serious. Even if the person wanted to tell, they probably want to do it on their own time when they're ready, not out of the blue like that.

I don't think I could take being in your situation. Of course, I don't have any siblings old enough to understand self-harm really. But to have a sister that close in age as she is to you, and she starts self-harming... I wouldn't be able to take that. In that, she's already your little sister, and now the self-harm is her deal as well. Hell, in a regular situation, it would get me really fucking jealous. My siblings are eight and three :/ The only way I ever got attention in my family is A. because of what I've been put through, my mum has this guilt over it, B. because of my psych problems.

Anyway... yeah, I would coach her on how to tell your mum but as well don't tell her for her.

[Fiction]

Thanks everyone. I asked her today if she'd done it since i spoke to her last night and she had :/

[georgiamay]

On the contrary, I WOULDN'T tell your mum. She definitely needs to do it herself. And as a self-harmer, if you've ever been told on, you'll know what I mean when I say it's not a good thing to do unless the situation is much more serious. Even if the person wanted to tell, they probably want to do it on their own time when they're ready, not out of the blue like that.

I agree. I got told on when my parents found out last summer, and I honestly found it very hard to talk to anyone about anything after that, it just made me withdraw more.

Thanks everyone. I asked her today if she'd done it since i spoke to her last night and she had :/

Well, maybe give her some distraction techniques? Try and get her to talk to your mum herself. If she carries on, she could get more tollerant, and need to do worse things to get the same effect, that's how most people start. Just talk to her. Maybe if she has the urge to do it, ask her to come into your room and talk to you instead. Get her to do that and see if it makes a difference.

[bvboy]

Yeah, give her some distraction techniques, like sucking on ice instead of biting herself. Another thing is, if she sometime says she hates herself and stuff, it could b a good idea to talk to your parents and see what they think is best, but go with her to tell them. They might know what to do, maybe professional help is what she needs, like the school counselor or something, I mean I do feel she's a bit young to have thoughts of self hatred. Whatever you do, be there for her constantly, the challenges u give her are a pretty good idea. Justb keep talkin to her.

[Love.Hate]

I dont think you should tell your mum unless it really gets out of control.
Try helping her to stop and if that doesnt work or you are really worried then i would tell your mum. I think it can be classed as a form of self harm as she is hurting herself, but the fact she cant stop is worring. Maybe its just a phase i know i used to bite my lip alot when i was nervous/stressed when i was younger. But not to the extent you have described.
I hope it all gets sorted out soon, Just let her know that you are always there for her.
I think its really good she can confide in you. Good luck :) x

[Fiction]

You've all pretty much said what I was planning to do; Try and help her to stop myself and try and be there for her and then if anything gets worse tell my mum.

The thing I don't want to happen is to tell my mum about her now, then if she starts cutting or anything when she's older, her not be able to tell me :/