I want to get out of this.

[Fiction]

These past few weeks my ED (whatever it is), has been so much worse than before. I can't eat at all without feeling guilty. I keep eating less than I should and purging. I've purged 3 times in the last week. Sometimes I binge before, other times I just purge up the small amount i've eaten.

I can't deal with these thoughts. I want more than anything to be able to eat all the crap I used to do without hating myself. I binged just now, and I can't purge. When I say binge i'm still well under the 2000 calorie limit. Idk I just don't feel right about food at all anymore.

How do I get out of this? If I eat i'll only feel terrible, so "just eating" is not an option.

[Kitty]

Babe...you really gotta talk about it to a professional.

I looked up bad things that came wit the illness that puts me off.

Also the anorexics gained 40% more fat than those who don't when they are put on the SAME diet. That's how it fucks with your matiblism.

OKAY...also try and eat like 2 meals a day. OKAY...like SH you gotta ween off it. You can't go (as Georgia says) COLD TURKEY ;). And eat normally...you will just snap and either restrict/purge of fast. You've got to slowly get your calories up. :(

Please get out of this. Seriously...it's not worth it. It's living hell :( <3 xxxxxxxxxx

[Quahog]

You need to speak with a psychologist that deals with eating disorders. Its not healthy to purge yourself.

[Fiction]

I get annoyed at myself for the amount I already eat... i don't get how I can increase my intake per day without hating myself even more.

I want to get help, but I don't know how.

[Alexithymia]

Talk to your parents. Do some research. Talk to you GP. It's pretty easy to find help. You just have to be brave enough to.

[Kitty]

create your self a plan. Do mostly fruit and vegetable. So you don't feel so guilty. But babe...you gotta try now.

Because if you do it later on...it's only gonna be HARDER !! :( <3

[Fiction]

I know it is, but it seems hard already.

I'm really scared to tell my mum in case she just doesn't understand and just makes me eat. I cna't just go and see my GP because my mum is a GP and is like close friends with all the GPs in my area. I know there are confidentiality laws but i'll always be scared of that...

[Magenta]

Kathy, is there an adult at school you can talk to? A counsilor (why can I never spell this?) or a nurse maybe? Or if needed, use Google and see if there is anywhere you can just walk in, like a walk-in clinic. If needed, I'd suggest looking up a professional online and if you have the guts to (I'd prolly be scared out of my mind), lurk around outside their door until they have time to speak with you and explain your situation and how to tell your mum in order to get help.

Not the best idea but it's the only thing I can come up with.

[Syvelocin]

Honestly hun, you just have to do it. You can't think of feeling guilty and hating yourself. Because you will feel like this. I hate myself, I feel guilty for every piece of food I eat. But, I'm doing it anyway, because I'm not trying to recover for myself. Which is preferred, but I find I'm so much more passionate about doing this for the people in my life than I am for doing it for me. I still feel that way. I'm against looking at myself in the mirror, because when I do I feel even worse about myself.

I think it's just the sort of thing you have to charge through with all your defenses up and hope for the best. Like everyone's been saying, if you normally eat 400 calories, eat 500 this week. Slowly build it up. That's what my doctor has been doing with me. I'm not eating what I will be at the end yet. But it's to slowly ween yourself to a better diet. You won't gain as much as fast that way, and there's less chance to fail like just starting to eat normally again.

:hug:

[georgiamay]

OKAY...like SH you gotta ween off it. You can't go (as Georgia says) COLD TURKEY ;)

That's what it's called! :P

anyway, if your mum is a GP, maybe she will inderstand. GP's know about this stuff.
But like everyone else has said, every week, add 100 or so calories onto it, and remember that 100 calories probably won't make you gain weight if you do it gradually.

:heart:

[Fiction]

It's not the eating I have an issue with...
I mean... I hate the feeling I get from eating. Not eating. Eating more won't solve my problems. I'll still feel terrible. I want the thoughts to go away. Somehow I don't think just eating more will do this :/

I suppose my only real option is to get help.
Thanks for your replies guys :)

[Magenta]

We're all here for you, Kathy. :) :hug:

[georgiamay]

I suppose my only real option is to get help.
Thanks for your replies guys :)

You're definetely right there, it's the best thing to do. :hug3:

[Fiction]

Thanks all of you :)