So I didn't

[MadManWithaBox]

I was a coward. I didnt say anything to my psych. And I didn't go the hospital. Cos I'm a coward.

[Magenta]

Matt, you're not a coward. The hardest part of getting help is actually getting it even after you've accepted you need it. You told us you would go. Much easier said than done. I still think you should go. You're not a coward.

[MadManWithaBox]

He was right there Jo. He's been following me all day. He said if I went in the door, he'd make me sorry. And how dare I even consider it again. So I didn't.

[Njathind]

Matt, its ok. YOUR NOT A COWARD :hug:

It can be really hard to tell the truth at times, especially if your sensitive about it all.

I myself have a habbit of sugar coating things which is not good but kathy told me to write a letter, and if I cant tell them everything then I can give them the letter at the end, maybe its worth a go. But if your in need of medical attention then I would get yourself to A&E and get yourself fixed up pronto.

:hug:

[Magenta]

Aw no, Matt. Is he still around? Can you wait until he goes away to get back to the hospital?

[MadManWithaBox]

He's been here all day. In every lesson. He punished me before. It'll be more later.

[Magenta]

But if you can find a time where you can get to the hospital, you will have help. If he tries to punish you, there will be others there to get you the help you need. Can you try to go back to the hospital when you can?

[MadManWithaBox]

He won't be gone. He's here right now. I'm not sure why he's even letting me on here, he's angry at me.

[Magenta]

You're on here because you want to be. And that's good. Talk to us, distract yourself.

[MadManWithaBox]

But I don't know why he's letting me, no mobile phone.

[Magenta]

Well, he is letting you so I'm glad. But if you wanted to be on here enough, I'm sure you could even if he was there. I will continue rubbing it in that you are stronger than him. :)

[MadManWithaBox]

He'll stop me later. With the punishments from today, he's pissed.

[Magenta]

He is silly. You don't need to be punished. You have done nothing wrong. And you need to remind yourself of that. Why should you be punished? Tell him that. You're not someone's punching bag. Again, easier said than done but one has to start somewhere, right?

[MadManWithaBox]

I clearly have. That's why he's here. That's why there's blood all over my arm.

[Magenta]

No. You've done nothing wrong. Don't let him tell you that. Whatever you're cutting with, put it away please. :( We care too much to see you like this.

[MadManWithaBox]

The rules for tonight are

No phones
No water
No food
No cleaning up the blood
No cleaning cuts.

Certain number of cuts every hour.

[Magenta]

Matt, you don't have to do that. Don't let him hurt you like that. :( You're stronger than this. I know you are.

[MadManWithaBox]

Their his rules. I have to follow them. I'm not stronger. Im not strong at all.

[Magenta]

If you weren't strong, you would not still be here today. You were so ready to give up the other night but you're still here talking to me right now. That takes a lot of strength... to stay alive and then keep on living after you gave up that chance. That is incredibly strong! So I don't believe you when you say you're not stronger. They're his rules but they will always be your actions.

[MadManWithaBox]

But if I disobey, he hurts. All I can do is wait.

[Magenta]

What do you mean, 'he hurts'? You mean he hurts you?

[MadManWithaBox]

Yes. Which is why I have to obey.

[Magenta]

But he can't actually touch you. I've said this before. You're the one hurting yourself so he will leave you alone. But you can push him away. You can put down whatever you're using and tell him no. It takes a lot of strength but you DO have it. You need to be willing to try.

I hate to say this but... maybe the saying 'no pain, no gain' sort of applies? I don't know. I'm trying to say what I think it right but I don't know.

[MadManWithaBox]

It's bad pain. It worse Than any pain I could do to myself. It stops me from doing anything, it's so bad I'm usually sick.

[Magenta]

Well, then I can certainly see why you would want to avoid that. I don't know what else to suggest. I don't want to see you hurting yourself but I have no experience with this sort of thing. :( All I can do is hope you come out okay.

[MadManWithaBox]

I can do is wait.

[Magenta]

*hugs*

[TheSleepingInsomniac]

Matt were all working on getting help, so if your a coward then so am i and alot of other people are to. Sorry i'm late but if you need me i'm here and so is jo. I've seen you help so many people an i don't want you to be hurt. Even if you don't think it you are stronger.