Depression

[Nevermore]

I feel myself seeping further and further in a depression. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I don't feel enjoyment out of things I used to. I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm just way too freaking emotional! I get angry and frustrated easily, and it seems like everything depresses me. I randomly break down crying on the bus and in class, and at home. I was with my friend Saturday night, I ended up uncontrollably breaking down for no reason for over an hour I couldn't control myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have no interest in doing anything. I've given up on school, friends, everything. I just want to curl up fall asleep and never wake up. I've been thinking about my suicide attempts a few years ago. What would happen if they worked. I know I can't hurt my family and friends like that. That is selfish, and I feel guilty even thinking about that as my outlit of option. My self harm has increased, and I'm losing so much weight. Could this be the uped dose of meds? My anxiety is even getting worse, I'm getting anxious at everything it seems. However I'm currently in a I need to do something stupid and rebelious mood. Something that will damage my body. Whether it's trying to smoke, or drinking. I've never tried drinking or smoking before. It's against my morals, and it upsets me when my friends do it. However I'm attracted to the fact of it kiling me slowly. I've somehow seem so fascinated with death, that it's scaring me. I just don't know what to do anymore.