I can't stop!

[Ambrosia]

I can't seem to stop right now. I dunno why. It gets worse and worse everytime I start again. I go a week or so without cutting and then I start again. Every few months it gets worse. Over the past four years it has gotten worse. I have started cutting my wrists again, and not my legs, but now it's so much worse then normal. I usually stop at three cuts on my wirst, and usually they are in the crick where I can hide them easily. But suddenly there are twenty. And they are so deep. And I can't seem to stop because they are working their way further down my wrist, to the skin that is really thin and white. It's much easier to cut deeper then normal there and I can't stop. It hurts me when I want to and don't and it feels so good when I actually do it. I'm not even in one of those chronice depressed modes right now either! I'm in a slump. Kind of just down but still okay. And I just have to bleed as much as possible, if I don't I have to go back over it and make sure I do. I usually make two or three cuts a day, just adding them up. And sometimes I'll get this feeling that washes over me of sadness...And I just have to get rid of it...
And yet I still don't want to stop cutting. I'm still so attached to it. It's like my secret self. The me no one knows, the real me. Because cutting is the only way to prove I'm me without anyone knowing about it...
God. I'm crazy aren't I? I am...Fml.

[Njathind]

Your not going crazy, but you dont need to cut in order to prove to yourself that your you. This is not a good thing, and I know how hard this must be. You just gotta take each day as it comes, try every distraction technique you can think of, ice, writting, drawing, elastic band, red pen trick, punching a pillow, anything other than cutting, please try and stop this. Its not good for you.

Do you speak to anyone about this? It may be worth going to see your school councillor or someone similar? You never know what good it could do untill you try it.

:hug: hang in there.

[Ambrosia]

I don't speak to ANYONE about it and I don't really plan on it until I'm forced to (I.E, cut too deep or someone who actually cares finds out).

[xxLostAndUnfound]

I don't speak to ANYONE about it and I don't really plan on it until I'm forced to (I.E, cut too deep or someone who actually cares finds out).

Ah, this sounds familiar...

You need to get your feelings out...talk to a friend, a counselor (not all of them are horrific!), somebody on here, even write in a journal. If you don't talk about it all those bottled up emotions build up and in my experience, makes the cutting worse. Cutting is how I used to communicate my feelings instead of talking.


Pm me if you ever need to talk. :) I'm here for you.

[Njathind]

I don't speak to ANYONE about it and I don't really plan on it until I'm forced to (I.E, cut too deep or someone who actually cares finds out).

I found out and I actually care, look I think you would rather get help yourself and not have your parents know as opposed to someone finding youin a state. My parents found me in my room suffereing the affects of a OD, they were in such a state.

If you wanna talk/chat/rant or anything at all I'm here for you.

[Ambrosia]

I would really love to go see a therapist (Our school counsoler isn't an actual one. We only have one there for college crap). The fact is, no one here ever wants to hear me talk. Everyone always wants to complain about themselves and nothing else. If I ever try to speak about myself they change the subject right back to themselves. EVERYONE. And any time I try to vent how I feel, or tell someone something, I freak out and apologize for even mentioning it and they just let it go.

[Njathind]

Hmmmmmm, are teachers just the same? I know of people who have confided in a teacher that they get on really well with. I'm sorry I'm not of much help.

[Charleigh]

You can stop. You just need motivation.

[Love.Hate]

I would really love to go see a therapist (Our school counsoler isn't an actual one. We only have one there for college crap). The fact is, no one here ever wants to hear me talk. Everyone always wants to complain about themselves and nothing else. If I ever try to speak about myself they change the subject right back to themselves. EVERYONE. And any time I try to vent how I feel, or tell someone something, I freak out and apologize for even mentioning it and they just let it go.

Im the same position, it feels like everyone doesnt care about your problems, just there own.

Maybe go to the doctors? They might be able to get you therapy/ councelling with someone that has to listen. You dont have to hear about there problems you are there for you.

Good luck, you can beat this! :)