confession. >.<

[georgiamay]

So, I've had a weird thing with food for about a year, but it's never amounted to anything significant. But now, I think I actually have a problem.

It started when I went to the cinema with a friend quite a while ago. We bought loads of chocolate and stuff, and I mean, a lot. Almost 5 days worth of calories. I ate almost the whole fucking thing. So I went to the toilets while we were waiting for the film to start, it was empty, so I took advantage of the situation and threw up. Wasn't pleasent. But I felt... better afterwards. Lighter, physically and mentally, if that makes sense?

Since then, I've been binging and purging more and more often. I get home from school and eat a shit load of food, and then purge. I've never done it while my parents were in the house before though, until today. I didn't binge though. I ate dinner, and I had a huge urge to eat the contents of the fridge. But instead, I went upstairs and purged, as quitely as possible so my mum wouldn't hear. It wasn't a binge though, but I calmed myself down with the purge.

I know it hasn't been going on for that long, but I already feel like I have to binge when I get home, and then once I've done that, I have to purge.

When I'm not binging and purging, I probably eat one meal a day, plus 2 packets of gum to stop me from feeling hungry.

So, this thread is more of my confession I suppose. It's been building up for a while. I don't think I'll be able to stop any time soon.

[Triceratops]

:hug:

I'm really sorry, but once you've been doing it for a while and you feel as if you HAVE to binge and purge (and with no intention of stopping) then I really do think you're in too deep to get out of this easily. I'd say you're already there.

I started off very similar to you, but I told myself "I'll only do it once every few weeks", but of course you become addicted. There is no way in hell anyone has control over something so powerful like an eating disorder. I've been bulimic since I was 12, but I haven't purged in so long (somewhere over 6 months), but it's not easy at all. It's so fucking hard. The only thing that's stopping me from purging is the fact that I haven't done it in a long time and I find it difficult to get all the food out, and my physical health is absolutely FUCKED.

I'm not trying to scare you here. All I'm trying to say is PLEASE get help, because I almost literally killed myself from binging and purging all the time, and I would not wish that on anybody. There was a point where I could binge and purge for up to over 20 times in a day. I could have had a heart attack or something.

[georgiamay]

Thanks Marcie. :)

I am in therapy now, but for things that aren't really related to this. I really really don't want to mention it though, because the therapist said that if anything new comes up, she'd tell my parents. I've hurt them enough already as it is, they don't need this on top of everything else I've done to them. I know I should tell her, but I don't want to.

Maybe once I've sorted everything else out, this problem might get better? I don't know, it probably won't. But once everything else is better, I might be able to sort this out.

I know that I've lost weight. I don't know how much though, the batteries have broken in the scales in my house from where I've been using them so much. But I can feel my weight dropping.

Thanks Marcie, I know you're right. And that post meant a lot. :)

[Triceratops]

No problem. I'f you ever need to talk, I'm all ears. :)

Well a lot of the time therapists should keep everything confidential unless it's something severe (like you murdering someone, which I doubt would ever be the case :P). The amount of things I've told my psychologist that my parents have never found out about it pretty endless. But I guess it all boils down to who your therapist is and how trustworthy they are.

Don't doubt yourself, you probably will be able to recover and get through this without it spiralling into an even bigger problem. If you're undergoing a lot of stress atm then maybe once that's all blown over you might be able to overcome this current problem.

Perhaps not knowing your weight will benefit you. I know it's difficult not knowing (trust me, I hate hate hate it), but if you keep feeding the obsession it will just keep on escalating, as opposed to calming it. If that makes sense?

Stay safe xxxx

[georgiamay]

Thanks Marcie :)

That's all I really need from this thread tbh, so I'm gonna lock it. :locked: