What do you do when your best friend turns into a complete stranger?

[AutumnDae]

My best friend, Lindsey, is turning into a complete stranger before my eyes.

Once a polite, outgoing young woman has become a rude, obnoxious party girl. I don't like it.

She smokes pot every day, drinks pretty much every weekend, sneaks out, lies to her parents, and now I hear from our other friends that she's done shrooms more than once. 90% the time she calls me she's stoned out of her mind, got a massive hangover, or asking me if she can use me as a cover for her parents.

It's Sean's fault. It's all his fault. I hate him. I hate him, I want him to die. I get the strongest urge to punch him in the face every time I hear him speak or he's within my sight.

She's not the same anymore. She ditches her friends all the time to go smoke pot or drink with Sean, and even when she is with us she's constantly saying "This would be so much better if I was stoned." She's come to school high on more than one occasion, has drank on school nights. She thinks she's invincible or something.

I just hate it. I want the old her back.

[Myrnodin]

Reading your post reminded myself my own story with friends. They were the first guys which whom I really felt "good". Loved, if the term applies. And yet it all changed, when drugs and alcohol got in the way. First it was just one of them, but a few months later, I decided to turn my back into them, because i didnt want to see them wasted again. Im gonna try to help you with the experience I have, and hopefully you will be able to "rescue" your old friend.

Ill assume Sean is his boyfriend. (please correct me if im wrong) I believe that a great first step, would be getting him out of her life, the good way, or the bad way. (You must have some beefy friends) It it can be done, then you should focus completely on your friend; there are two things that people care about. Those are: Social Relations and the way they look.

There are the two ways in which you should approach her. Try talking to her, explaining her how this vice of her is killing your friendship. (Remember she wont just quit from one night to another, its gonna be a process) Be radical here if needed, and of course, talk to her once shes sober.

If that doesnt work. (and unfortunately thats the most probable outcome) Try showing her how alcohol and drugs destroy your appearance. It shrugs yous skin, makes your nose ugly, your skin darkens, you get pints all over your face, etc. (google it)

As bas as its sounds, thats the most you can do, trying to convince her into actually WANTING to quit. If she doesnt want to, it wont matter how much effort you put into it or how many tricks you play on her, it just wont happen. Believe me, i learnt that the bad way.

I really hope this little text helps you a bit,

Regards,

Josh.

[Fourth Dimension]

I know how you feel about a best friend becoming a complete stranger my friend Amber and I were as close as can be but after 8th grade she moved to another state which she comes to see us like 1 or more times a year but anymore shes distant towards me and im not sure why I mean I am well aware moving changes people ive been there too many times ive moved so many times but it use to be I was the only one who would call her every day without fail text all the time and when she came home the first time it was amazing but shes changed allot she has become what we disliked she was this amazing emo girl I use to have to drag her into Hollister by her hair when we would go to the mall now shes total opposite she wont even talk to me shes becoming FAKE as hell she even deleted me off facebook after adding old pics of us on there she wont even talk to me and idk why it truly makes me sad but these things happen so im just moving on but in your case since she is still talking to you and all that you need to CONFRONT her do an intervention something let her know what shes doing to herself and what this boy is doing to her make her realize hope I helped hope things go well

[Contra]

Yeah, it sucks when supposedly best friends change like that... The same situation (only without the pot) happened to me, except that then they stopped hanging around with our group (because maybe we weren't cool enough for them...), which is kind of bad, but you know what? If they want to be like that, it's their problem.

In my opinion, the first thing you should do is have a conversation about this subject with her and convince her to change, because not only it isn't healthy to her, as she is changing and metamorphosing from a loving friend to that stranger, like you said. That is your part as a friend. If she doesn't listen to you, it's time to move on to the second step, which is ignoring her, maybe then she'll understand that this new lifestyle she has adopted is costing her her friends.

[Geraaboo]

best friend becomes stranger has happened to me so many times

& what i have realized is the more you try to change them and get them to go back to the old them dosent really help it more of a waste of time you cant change them and what they do unless they want to change on there own. Blaming Sean isnt going to help you get your best friend back all you can do is talk to her and give her advice so that by her self she realizes how different she is acting & becoming and she will wont to change back to the old her

[Ryhanna]

Lot's of teens experiment in ways like this.
You know, turn "rebelious" and do things to fit in.
There really isn't all that much you can do apart from talk to her about it, and tell her how you feel about it. It's really up to her to realise that she doesn't have to act a certain way for her peers to accept her. You just have to help her realise :)

[AutumnDae]

Ill assume Sean is his boyfriend. (please correct me if im wrong) I believe that a great first step, would be getting him out of her life, the good way, or the bad way. (You must have some beefy friends) It it can be done, then you should focus completely on your friend; there are two things that people care about. Those are: Social Relations and the way they look.

There are the two ways in which you should approach her. Try talking to her, explaining her how this vice of her is killing your friendship. (Remember she wont just quit from one night to another, its gonna be a process) Be radical here if needed, and of course, talk to her once shes sober.

If that doesnt work. (and unfortunately thats the most probable outcome) Try showing her how alcohol and drugs destroy your appearance. It shrugs yous skin, makes your nose ugly, your skin darkens, you get pints all over your face, etc. (google it)

As bas as its sounds, thats the most you can do, trying to convince her into actually WANTING to quit. If she doesnt want to, it wont matter how much effort you put into it or how many tricks you play on her, it just wont happen. Believe me, i learnt that the bad way.


Sean is the boy, yes. I'd love to get rid of him somehow. But I don't feel as getting a guy friend of mine to beat him up would be the best option. Not only would that cause a riot within my school (There is only one person who would do it for me, and he and Sean are already in a feud, basically everyone took a side. It would cause tensions to rise.) Not only that, Lindsey would be mad at me. She cares about Sean. And I get that, I do understand that she has feelings for him. But I can't deal with this any longer.

I've already talked to her. I've had to go to her house when we was extremely drunk a few times, and help her into bed, making sure she was quiet and didn't get caught. I've cleaned her vomit covered bathroom, washed her off, listened to her complain about Sean, and helped her into bed. I slept next to her, with Advil next to her bed with water for the morning. And in her hangover mornings, I've had many talks with her, with no success. I've tried to talking to her too many times to count, when she's sober, drunk, hungover, everything. Nothing works.

She knows what drugs do to you. She took health class. She's seen the photos, done the papers. Apparently she doesn't care.



Blaming Sean isnt going to help you get your best friend back all you can do is talk to her and give her advice so that by her self she realizes how different she is acting & becoming and she will wont to change back to the old her

Sean is the problem. Before him, she would drink (mind you, not get drunk, have a beer at a party) once in a while. No more than every other month. I can deal with that, I guess. Sean comes back in the picture, she's stoned drunk and on drugs.

Yesterday during lunch our other close friend, Cathy, told me that she and Lindsey were talking during gym. Apparently Lindsey said to Cathy, "I think Autumn's getting annoyed with the drugs and Sean." Cathy said "Yeah, we all are Linds, not to be mean." Lindsey then replied "Well, they're a package deal."

If they're a package deal, wonderful, let's get rid of both of them! We get rid of Sean, we get rid of her choices. Perfect plan!

Lot's of teens experiment in ways like this.
You know, turn "rebelious" and do things to fit in.
There really isn't all that much you can do apart from talk to her about it, and tell her how you feel about it. It's really up to her to realise that she doesn't have to act a certain way for her peers to accept her. You just have to help her realise :)

I've tried to help her realize. My attempts have failed.

[The Madness.]

People do change, but seeing as it only looks like it's because of this Sean man. Hopefully after they break up, she'll realize what she's turned into. THEN she'll most likely need you there by her side to help her through it. Just don't turn your back on her. That's probably one of the worst things to do when she'll need you after realizing it all.