Alexithymia
January 19th, 2011, 10:08 PM
Sorry bout the useless rant. I just have to get it off of my chest.
So, you counselors think that you're all that, don't you? You seem to think that you just know exactly what's wrong with me and you know how to treat it? Well guess what, smart ass, I'm the messed up child! I react differently to almost everything! I don't want to have a fucking session with you every week! I don't want all of this being relayed to my mom because she's just going to freak out even more! Yeah, I cut! So what? I don't WANT your help! I might need it, but I don't want it! NOT YET!
Oh, and what, Mom? You think that I AM fine? You think that I'm just going to be the perfect little son who never fucking FIGHTS WITH YOU? Guess what! I only never fight with you because I know you're going under too much FUCKING STRESS! And you're not alone! My sister being thrown in jail has impacted me too! My brother and other sister moving away has impacted me too! Have you ever thought that maybe moving into your EX-HUSBAND'S HOUSE, AND BRINGING ME WITH YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS? And then you fucking left and took me! And now you want to go back in? I don't know what's your problem, Mom, but maybe's it YOU who should be the one seeing the goddamn counselor, NOT ME!
I don't WANT to deal with school! I get FOUR hours of sleep on weeknights, and you think that I'm going to be READY FOR SCHOOL? I don't even catch up during the weekend! I NEED TO REST! I need to just take a break from this HELL! I don't care how I get it! I don't care if I need to be thrown in the fucking psych ward! I just need a fucking BREAK!
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, MOM! Just give me a break! Something that I don't have to worry about anything... There's too much for me to think about... I don't even know where to start.
End rant I guess?
So, you counselors think that you're all that, don't you? You seem to think that you just know exactly what's wrong with me and you know how to treat it? Well guess what, smart ass, I'm the messed up child! I react differently to almost everything! I don't want to have a fucking session with you every week! I don't want all of this being relayed to my mom because she's just going to freak out even more! Yeah, I cut! So what? I don't WANT your help! I might need it, but I don't want it! NOT YET!
Oh, and what, Mom? You think that I AM fine? You think that I'm just going to be the perfect little son who never fucking FIGHTS WITH YOU? Guess what! I only never fight with you because I know you're going under too much FUCKING STRESS! And you're not alone! My sister being thrown in jail has impacted me too! My brother and other sister moving away has impacted me too! Have you ever thought that maybe moving into your EX-HUSBAND'S HOUSE, AND BRINGING ME WITH YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS? And then you fucking left and took me! And now you want to go back in? I don't know what's your problem, Mom, but maybe's it YOU who should be the one seeing the goddamn counselor, NOT ME!
I don't WANT to deal with school! I get FOUR hours of sleep on weeknights, and you think that I'm going to be READY FOR SCHOOL? I don't even catch up during the weekend! I NEED TO REST! I need to just take a break from this HELL! I don't care how I get it! I don't care if I need to be thrown in the fucking psych ward! I just need a fucking BREAK!
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, MOM! Just give me a break! Something that I don't have to worry about anything... There's too much for me to think about... I don't even know where to start.
End rant I guess?