Lust and love.

[ThatScience]

My dilemma: I am attracted to men on a purely sexual level. The thought of sex with a man excites me; the thought of romantic, emotional intimacy turns me off.
I'm wondering if these feelings a worth persuing (since I can still function as a heterosexual) or if it isn't worth the trouble.

If it's worth it, how should I go about exploring these feelings? I have two friends who are gay and one who is bisexual.

I don't want to come out to them until I'm sure because i don't want to back-pedal later on.

[ackmedsgirl666]

maybe talk to them and see how they feel
they will have their own personal experiences on how they started out and maybe u will find that their stories are similar to what you are going through
just give it a try and see how comfortable you actually feel with men
and if u find out u are gay congratulations and hope it works out

[PJay]

Don't worry about coming out to them if they are friends : all you need to say is you would like to try sex with guys. Its fine to be curious, you don't have to label yourself.

Sex is fun, so if one of your friends is ok with fooling around, you might have a chance to see if its good for you. On the other hand it could get tricky if they get feelings for you which you don't return.

Different point - you may simply not have found a guy who is your type emotionally. I find lots of guys are cute until they open their mouths : I like sensitive (but not wet) intelligent people, but a lot of guys act all macho. Sometimes you can get past the surface and find they are just putting on an act, but that whole act can be kind of off putting.

[ThatScience]

I just don't want to get them worked up over nothing. I mean- my friends have gone through the ordeal of coming out to family and friends. If I come out but then realise that I'm not gay, it's basically a big slap in the face to their emotional journey. It becomes devalued. I don't want to attract alot of attention where it isn't due. Also- my friends won't want to “fool around”. Just because they're gay doesn't mean they'll jump into bed with the first guy that shows an interest in them.

[PJay]

Yeah I totally respect where you are coming from there.

You are talking about coming out like its your only option. You can't announce something like that if you don't know what your sexuality is, can you?

There's a difference between knowing and being curious, your friends would understand that I'd think. As friends you certainly should be able to talk about this stuff with them, and if you make it clear you aren't sure its not like you are going 'me too' and taking anything away from them is it?

[PAfarmerkid]

I was in the same situation as you, but I have no gay or bi friends. Last week I told 2 of my friends, 1 that I go to school with and 1 I dont but we are still very good friends. I told them because I needed someone to talk to bout it and not because I wanted to try stuff with them. I told them Im straight but Im also really curious and sexually attracted to guys. They are both being very understanding about it and I dont regret telling either of them. If you have any questions or need to talk just contact me someway. Hope this helps and wish you luck.

[greekboy]

My dilemma: I am attracted to men on a purely sexual level. The thought of sex with a man excites me; the thought of romantic, emotional intimacy turns me off.
I'm wondering if these feelings a worth persuing (since I can still function as a heterosexual) or if it isn't worth the trouble.

If it's worth it, how should I go about exploring these feelings? I have two friends who are gay and one who is bisexual.

I don't want to come out to them until I'm sure because i don't want to back-pedal later on.

Is it the idea of romance that turns you off or is it the idea of being "found out" that is scary? I don't see the risk of telling gay/bi friends about your feelings. If you have these uncertainties, they should have some useful input from their own experiences which will help you to explore your own. So much angst and uncertainty can just compound itself if kept locked up. Are you attracted to girls at all?