lightkun
January 18th, 2011, 06:54 PM
this is a poem i am constructing; i hope some of you can identify with it. On October first, my brother, who was serving in the Marines, was killed. It's not finished yet but will lead into another poem about addiction. yes, it's really dark, and very sad. don't let the end trigger some of you guys ok?
I would very much appreciate tips and pointers. I know it doesn't all rhyme but so what? I'm still working on it.
***
He is waiting for the jet
as long minutes pass
it comes to a halt
the door opens at last
Watching, as a casket is lowered
tears fill his eyes
doing his best to cope
he sees and he denies
Inside lay his brother
both in blood and in arms
he hears the cries of his mother
who can’t contain her sorrow
Marines carry the flag covered box
so elegant, so slow
he remembers every detail
death puts on a show
The funeral let the truth sink in
seeing his brother’s body,
his world began to spin
Memories flood his mind
they lower the box into the ground
shots of fellow marines fire
he will never forget this sound
He feels lost without his right hand
the one who he played tag with in the summer
the one who was there when his father wasn’t
the one who was always there to protect him
is gone forever
His life takes a violent turn
scars on his arm
pills in his head
only briefly masks this tragic burn
***
I would very much appreciate tips and pointers. I know it doesn't all rhyme but so what? I'm still working on it.
***
He is waiting for the jet
as long minutes pass
it comes to a halt
the door opens at last
Watching, as a casket is lowered
tears fill his eyes
doing his best to cope
he sees and he denies
Inside lay his brother
both in blood and in arms
he hears the cries of his mother
who can’t contain her sorrow
Marines carry the flag covered box
so elegant, so slow
he remembers every detail
death puts on a show
The funeral let the truth sink in
seeing his brother’s body,
his world began to spin
Memories flood his mind
they lower the box into the ground
shots of fellow marines fire
he will never forget this sound
He feels lost without his right hand
the one who he played tag with in the summer
the one who was there when his father wasn’t
the one who was always there to protect him
is gone forever
His life takes a violent turn
scars on his arm
pills in his head
only briefly masks this tragic burn
***