I cant be bothered with life anymore

[Love.Hate]

basically the title.

So i cant really find the words to describe how i feel, sad, upset, lonely, used, Mislead, hurt, idk. All of them.

I dont know what to do. Everytime something good happens it has to come to an end almost immediatley. I thought this time he really liked me. I thought that it was different. He would be more mature than everyone else.
I was wrong. He used me to get what he wanted and then just left. I cant believe i fell for the lies, he didnt really care.. He lead me on. :(
Im such a slag. I feel dirty and discusting, I though maybe he would be my happy ever after. Why do i do this to myself ?!?

Its because im fat. Why am i still fat. :/ 108 lbs is not attractive. You would think that making myself sick at least twice a week would help shift the flab. But its just making me fatter i think. Maybe.

"take a break" yeah whatever you just want to go and flirt with someone else. I cant take any more shit.

Im lying to everyone now. Except myself.
They think it was only a crush, that i can get over him. I dont know if i can, why do some guys have to be such assholes! :(
I cut last night.. I just counted there are about 50 ish. I just dont want this. I wish i wasnt human, if i was someone else my life would be so much better. I would be pretty, skinny, popular. I dont even know what im rambling on about. I feel sorry for you poor people actually reading this. I do apologise that im such a selfish whore.

I cant do anything right. I get a A in my maths GCSE and my family still dont care! Its like "oh your the good kid. we expected it". FUCK OFF! i worked so god dammed hard and they laugh at me and take the piss that im a nerd. So what you can label me as anything you bloody well like. I no longer care.

There are about 12 paracteamol tablets on my side with a big glass of water. I dont know if that will kill me, knock me out. I just want to take the pain away. Im not sure, i dont want to die. I just dont want to be here.

I Have sooooo much drama coursework to do. I dont even know why im not doing it now. I have been putting it off for weeks. Its such a bore, Like everything in my life. I should be doing that right now. Not moaning about my little insignificant life. Fran you shouldnt bore these lovely people, great im even talking to myself.

Im a dissapointment.

Please do not ask for tips- Fiction

Sorry you had to read that.

[FullyAlive]

I honestly don't know what to say but that guy he's a jerk you dont deserve that!! Coursework gets us all down but we still have to do it could you ask for an extension or something? Well done on getting the A in Maths your family should be really proud!! I know how you feel though I got an A and an A* in the two gcse's I sat early my mum was prouder of my brother for getting a C, like with me it's just expected :/
And finally you're not a disappointment you're anything but, I've seen your posts to people and you seem like a really nice person and that's nothing to be disappointed about! I hope you're ok!
:hug: xxxx

[ackmedsgirl666]

u didn't deserve that
and i know u feel totally worthless and unwanted but suicide or anything related to suicide is not the answer
maybe try speaking to somebody

[Love.Hate]

Coursework gets us all down but we still have to do it could you ask for an extension or something?

I wish! No i think im just going to have to buckle down and do it :/


I know how you feel though I got an A and an A* in the two gcse's I sat early my mum was prouder of my brother for getting a C, like with me it's just expected :/


Ah thank goodness im not the only ones that did these things early. My school isnt the only one with these daft ideas :P

Well done with your results they are amazing!!

Thankyou xx

[FullyAlive]

Thanks good luck with you're drama coursework!
And don't forget everytime you want to cut because of this boy please just remember what a twat he is and how he doesn't deserve that reaction and how cutting would mean that you are actually rewarding him by thinking about him!

Btw this is off topic so I'm sorry but you told me you did biology on Friday out if interest do you have physics tomorrow?

[Love.Hate]

No i have already done my P1/ physics one whatever you want to call it. (which i think is what there doing tommorow)
On friday i did Biology one and two. (1 was a retake).

Im trying to forget about him. But its hard.. Bleh.

[FullyAlive]

I get it thats been one of the many many reasons I've cut and I know this might sound strange but whilst some cuts I wouldn't take back, the ones because of stupid guys (or one in particular really) I would give anything to remove so I didn't have to look and think about him.
So yeah long winded way of saying think twice...

[Fiction]

First of all Fran, just because one guy wasn't right for you, doesn't mean that ever guy isn't right for you. He was a dick, don't let him get to you. I know that's easier said than done but he's not worth it.

108lb is fine. It's more attractive than the damage purging can do to you. You should really stop that. I know that's hard.

You are not a selfish whore, you need help, and we are here to listen and try as best we can :)

Your parents aren't the ones that have to live with the GCSE you get. They can laugh and mock; but you can be smug in knowing you're gonna get a really fucking good job when you're older!

12 paracetomol is probably not quite enough to kill you, it will just cause you so much damage. It will destroy your liver and maybe your heart.

You're getting professional help for all of this right? That should give you hope? You don't reallly want to die you just don't want to live feeling like this. You're still young and have so many changes to undergo in your life. That's plenty of chances for your life to get better :)

You know i'm always here if you want to talk :)

[Love.Hate]

You're getting professional help for all of this right? That should give you hope? You don't reallly want to die you just don't want to live feeling like this.

I was supposed to be. But mum forgot (again).
But im going to remind her, i cant live feeling like this.

And yeah your right i dont want to die, thankyou hun xx

[Fiction]

But im going to remind her, i cant live feeling like this.

You should definatly do that :)