weber
November 25th, 2006, 06:58 PM
I just need to tell this to somebody, this is what I think when I’m feeling down (which was some days ago) I just wrote what I was feeling at that moment that’s why it might not make sense… right know I’M Ok but I need to stop this thoughts b4 they get worst (if possible).
I’m sorry I’m a burden for everyone, I just cannot stop thinking that each time I speak to anybody, he/she goes mad and thinks “oh god damn it, wtf does he want now? Why can’t he just go bothering anyone else?†which may be true or not but I just can’t help thinking that. I hate going to reunions and think that nobody wants to speak to me, that I’m left alone, even though they are next to me or speaking to me … I don’t ask to be the center of attention (cause I hate it) but I don’t wanna be left alone either. I hate the fact that I’m boring, that I don’t seem to do anything interesting at all, that I don’t have anything to say or interesting to say, that I’m ugly (at least this is how I consider myself), that I don’t have a girlfriend (I know, I can deal with some time without one, but not 2 years for heavens sake…am I that unattractive)… maybe I’m just a freak, the fact that I don’t even have anyone checking me out, the fact that I’m the worst shit on the planet, the fact that I’m not good at anything, the fact that I don’t have any real friends, the fact that I’m a failure, I will never be able to be up to the level everyone seems to be at life, the fact that I’m always comparing myself with everyone else and putting me down because of it…. I just want to stop for once, I hate this, I really do, I hate to think that I might be a looser to others, the worst looser ever… I really don’t know what people think about me but that’s how I think they think I am, the fact that I can’t trust anybody, not after what people did to me when I spoke my shit to them… I hate being felt alone, pushed aside and ignored, as I always am. I hate myself for not being able to put up with this, I hate myself for being me… I hate the fact that I’m not good at anything… I cannot even kill myself for havens sake… I hate not been able to see something good on me, I hate this the most… another thing is that even though I think about it I know that I’m incapable of killing myself which only proofs that I’m a coward….. I just want to die, I really regret that I wasn’t killed on that car crash a month ago, I’m sorry for the dude that was driving, but I seriously hope I was killed by the crush…. I hate that I have to put up with this shit everyday and pretend that everything is fine when I know it’s not, I hate this society and the superficiality in which they base their day by day, the way they look at other people as if they were shit… the fact that if I want to survive this society I have to do the same….. they way I’m bothering you right now, the way you might be thinking I’m desperate to get attention, the fact that I’ve cut myself a week ago, the way I keep thinking about doing it again, the fact that I’ve cut my belly so that nobody can see the marks, the fact that I don’t have any self confidence…. I’m sorry if I’ve ever bothered you in anyway, I’m sorry if I ever was rude or anything I think I might not be doing it again, I think I just need to say thanks for taking the time to read this…shit, I think I'm hopeless.
See what I mean, I have to stop thinking this b4 it ends up in something serious, I’m bipolar, and today I’ve found this document that I’ve send to some members and store it… well today I’ve found it and decided to do something about it.
I’m sorry I’m a burden for everyone, I just cannot stop thinking that each time I speak to anybody, he/she goes mad and thinks “oh god damn it, wtf does he want now? Why can’t he just go bothering anyone else?†which may be true or not but I just can’t help thinking that. I hate going to reunions and think that nobody wants to speak to me, that I’m left alone, even though they are next to me or speaking to me … I don’t ask to be the center of attention (cause I hate it) but I don’t wanna be left alone either. I hate the fact that I’m boring, that I don’t seem to do anything interesting at all, that I don’t have anything to say or interesting to say, that I’m ugly (at least this is how I consider myself), that I don’t have a girlfriend (I know, I can deal with some time without one, but not 2 years for heavens sake…am I that unattractive)… maybe I’m just a freak, the fact that I don’t even have anyone checking me out, the fact that I’m the worst shit on the planet, the fact that I’m not good at anything, the fact that I don’t have any real friends, the fact that I’m a failure, I will never be able to be up to the level everyone seems to be at life, the fact that I’m always comparing myself with everyone else and putting me down because of it…. I just want to stop for once, I hate this, I really do, I hate to think that I might be a looser to others, the worst looser ever… I really don’t know what people think about me but that’s how I think they think I am, the fact that I can’t trust anybody, not after what people did to me when I spoke my shit to them… I hate being felt alone, pushed aside and ignored, as I always am. I hate myself for not being able to put up with this, I hate myself for being me… I hate the fact that I’m not good at anything… I cannot even kill myself for havens sake… I hate not been able to see something good on me, I hate this the most… another thing is that even though I think about it I know that I’m incapable of killing myself which only proofs that I’m a coward….. I just want to die, I really regret that I wasn’t killed on that car crash a month ago, I’m sorry for the dude that was driving, but I seriously hope I was killed by the crush…. I hate that I have to put up with this shit everyday and pretend that everything is fine when I know it’s not, I hate this society and the superficiality in which they base their day by day, the way they look at other people as if they were shit… the fact that if I want to survive this society I have to do the same….. they way I’m bothering you right now, the way you might be thinking I’m desperate to get attention, the fact that I’ve cut myself a week ago, the way I keep thinking about doing it again, the fact that I’ve cut my belly so that nobody can see the marks, the fact that I don’t have any self confidence…. I’m sorry if I’ve ever bothered you in anyway, I’m sorry if I ever was rude or anything I think I might not be doing it again, I think I just need to say thanks for taking the time to read this…shit, I think I'm hopeless.
See what I mean, I have to stop thinking this b4 it ends up in something serious, I’m bipolar, and today I’ve found this document that I’ve send to some members and store it… well today I’ve found it and decided to do something about it.