I hate being ill.

[Fiction]

I hate hate hate being ill.

I hate being dizzy all the fucking time. I hate my heart beat going irregular, or too fast all the time.

I hate having to choose between taking meds that give me the most horrible shivers ever, or passing out all the time.

I hate having to remember to take my meds.

I hate the fact that even when I take them, it doesn't go away completely.

I hate that I don't know anyone with what I have, so no one gets that while I may look fine, i'm actually feeling like shit.

I hate the fact that when I feel ill i'm always paranoid people think i'm just trying to get out of things... So I ignore it and have to pretend i'm fine. Then I get told off for not concentrating.

I hate that I can't sleep half the time because my heart decided to go a million beats per minute.

I hate that it only seems to have got worse since I first got it, and it doesn't seem to be getting better.

I hate that I feel an attention seeker writing this because there are people so much worse than me :/

Sorry for the rant ><

[Syvelocin]

In a different sense, I completely understand this. Not with this sort of problem, but with other medical problems of mine that I take medication for. The thought of, "Why should I be taking these pills every day when it only suppresses the inevitable?" No one understands exactly what I'm going through. I have people come around saying, "I had a nephew who was sick, I know what you must be going through." No, you don't understand and you'll never understand. And then friends get mad at me because I try to act normal and then they find out the reality of it all. It's one less person to have worrying about me, in my opinion. It's so much easier to have as few people involved as possible...

Anyway. Ranting about myself.

It's something you, and I, are just going to have to get through. Keep taking the pills unless you're really opposed to it, because in truth a little help is better than none.

But don't pretend that nothing is wrong. You're wellbeing is so much more important. Struggling through Physical Ed. and things, telling them you're fine, then being forced into running laps, collapsing, and landing yourself in the hospital afterwards is not worth it. I used to do that three weeks a month, then the fourth week I'd fake that I was on my period even though it had stopped at that point.

All in all, it's honestly not worth it. You need to focus on getting better in the best way possible for yourself.

[Fiction]

Thanks Rith :)

Usually it is easier to just keep quiet for it unless i'm really ill. I had to do one of my exams under medical supervision today ><

[Charleigh]

Im here if you ever need to talk ^^
:hug:

[Fiction]

Thanks :)