It's killing me inside...

[Skeptical Bear]

Every time it comes to mind, it just makes me feel like a monster. I wish I could go back in time and stop everything I did. I can't tell anyone, as I can't imagine how I'd be seen as. I hate myself at times because of this and I can't vent about it to anyone. I try to forget it all but it's burned in my memory to keep reminding me how much of a retard I was. I don't know what do, there isn't anything I can do. I'm a disappointment to my family and anyone who sees me. They don't know the real me. They see someone who's shy but nice and very talkative when spoken to but they don't know my past and that fucks me up inside because I'm a big fucking lie and telling the truth would just make it worse. I don't know how I manage to survive with this crap on me. I'd be more of an outcast then now. I just wish it never happened. :mad:

[enzenzz]

whatever you did in the past, keep it there and just do better as you move forward.

[Skeptical Bear]

It bothers me so much. I can't take it.

[Apple iShart]

Let's look at at this way:

Easted, in your name you have a 94, so I'm guessing you're about 16 years old! Probably a junior in high school? High school is the stage in life where we have mixed emotions about every single thing, be it women, men, friends, family, ANYTHING! Because of our different chemicals flowing through our bodies, what we know as hormones, we go into states of pure joy, sadness, love, hope, and many more different emotions. High school is where we cross that line between children (or tweens) and young men or women, and with that Also comes some of the worst choices of our lives! Every single person is influenced by the hormones I mentioned earlier, causing us to act without thinking, sometimes working in our favor and sometimes not! Look at it this way though, everything happens for a reason my friend, and your mistakes aren't ever for No reason. Everything that occurs is a learning experience, and nothing more, because what is in the past is in the past, and now it's closer to the time to move along! As I said, learn from the mistakes you make, because throughout life we're gonna make a TON of them! :) It's best to look at the good that comes out of everything, because the bad only keeps us down!

Best of luck in FUTURE endeavors :)

[Skeptical Bear]

Thanks for the help everyone.

[Apple iShart]

Anytime bud! If you ever need to talk, you can pm me, and we can chit chat about whatever you feel you need to!

:)

[Cryofthewolf]

Hey, we all have pasts and mistakes that we regret. Believe me, there are many things I would like to go back and fix. The bad (or sometimes good) news is that we can't do so, and have to move on with our lives with that mistake.

Realize, though, that it IS in the past, and that it isn't you today. I would recommend telling somebody though. Try somebody on here who you know won't judge you. I for one will listen and not judge. It's kinda-sorta something I'm good at. If you don't want to tell me that's fine, but let it go to somebody, even if it is just your dog/cat/stuffed animal/etc. It might do some good to speak it outloud. :-)

Here, read one of my favorite Oscar Wilde quotes:

"Every saint as a past, and every sinner has a future."

Think on that. Message me if you need it. <3

[Skeptical Bear]

I would tell someone to take it off my chest but in my perspective, what I did was pretty big. I might be over reacting but I don't know. I'd have to be pretty close with someone to tell, even here. I'm just confused.

[Ambrosia]

Shall I quote something I posted on a very very similar thread earlier in the week?
You have to realize that holding something that you find so horrifying like that inside and not telling anyone will make it even worse. Take it from me, it's not something you want to keep on doing. Holding your secrets and feelings inside can result in some horrible consequences (I.E, a very early death). You can tell a counsoler (Er..), a parent, or choose a very close friend. I once told a complete stranger a secret. The fact is, no matter how horrible you think it is, it might not be something the other person finds "sickening". You can't forget something without acknowledging it first and even then you probably won't forget it, only lessen the pain of remembering it.
It's very true.

[Skeptical Bear]

Shall I quote something I posted on a very very similar thread earlier in the week?

It's very true.

Thank You. I have no one that's that close to me to tell them my secret.

[Cryofthewolf]

I would tell someone to take it off my chest but in my perspective, what I did was pretty big. I might be over reacting but I don't know. I'd have to be pretty close with someone to tell, even here. I'm just confused.

Just hang in there buddy. Tell somebody when you feel up to it. Will be thinking of you.

[Skeptical Bear]

Just hang in there buddy. Tell somebody when you feel up to it. Will be thinking of you.

Thank you.:)

[Apple iShart]

Thank you.:)

Feelin' better yet my friend? =]

[Skeptical Bear]

Feelin' better yet my friend? =]
I guess. The memory haunts me here and there, but I'm fine.

[Apple iShart]

I guess. The memory haunts me here and there, but I'm fine.

Well, see! Look, you've already began your steps toward moving on! =]
I am proud!

[Skeptical Bear]

Well, see! Look, you've already began your steps toward moving on! =]
I am proud!

Yeaa. It's much better than before, and Thanks.:D

[Apple iShart]

Yeaa. It's much better than before, and Thanks.:D

No problemo! Keep it up! =]