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View Full Version : I hate being dragged around.


Tenkotsu
January 14th, 2011, 01:29 PM
I'm mad at how I am. I always indulge people on what they want, be it school or at my home I let people do what they want. I'm sorry it's a long ranting.

When I was at school, I spent time with friends that were kind of reclusive and "smart". They didn't like the "cool stuff" or the trends and fads that people had, they were the smart people and all. I admit I don't like most fads and mainstream stuff but there are things that I like and would like to do.

My "friends" would stop talking to people that went to others, that wanted to have those new stuff and all. I was afraid of not being accepted by other people so I abstained myself from doing other stuff since they could've stopped talking to me and I would be alone (And it happened once, in 7th grade, for a month and a half I was completely alone, I can't remember why, my "friends" made fun of me and decided to stop talking to me, and I didn't have anyone else, I was too shy to go make new friends or know better my classmates).

Anyway, during high school I kept most of those friends, but I actually met new ones that I liked and were cool. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but I could feel how they saw me when we talked or when I was near and how they were "disapproving" me for being with other people and I felt sometimes guilty for that, like I was abandoning them for better people, because I don't want people to do me the same thing. I liked other people because they were cool or nice and friendly, but I felt that I shouldn't hang out with them or befriend them, even if I wanted, because "it was not approved by them" or " I shouldn't were not alike" in a way, not that they said that literally, but I felt that coming from them and I felt guilty for that, I cut short lots of friendships for the same people that could easily leave me when I stepped on their way.

In my house something similar happens, my dad and my brother always think what they want and try to get whatever without asking and they don't like being questioned.

Recently I told my father that my electronic keyboard was broken and I couldn't play it, didn't want a new one though, I stopped playing about 9 months ago. This week he told me that we would go to some places to see some keyboards, I thought it was ok since we would only see them, but he ended up buying one yesterday, a bigger and more expensive keyboard. I never said that I "wanted" a new one, but he bought me one, he decided it by himself. He even told me that he didn't wanted to hear my mom say stuff like "why do you want to buy it" or "that's too expensive" because it "annoys him". There's no space at all at home and I actually told my parents that we should get rid of stuff because we have too much and that's why the house always look messy, because we barely have space! I couldn't tell him not to buy it because he would get mad and say that "I needed a new keyboard and why didn't you told me?" even though whenever we tell him no to any of his ideas he gets mad. All the time.

I hate being dragged around on other people's projects or tastes, dreams, things that they like, I don't know how to put it, but I hate it, because I don't do what I like, and if I say something, they get mad with me if I don't do what they want, or if get mad at them I'm the bad guy for making them feel bad with themselves, and I have to just be there for other people. I have to support people for some reason, people that like to be reclusive or something, it's like if I have to be there for them or else I'm some sort of traitor, I'm their stepping stone to the things they like and if it doesn't come out as they want it's my fault.

I'm sorry for it being to long.

Ambrosia
January 14th, 2011, 02:33 PM
Well honestly only you can change something like that. It's their fault for not considering your feelings and your fault for not considering you own feelings! You have to take a stand and stop it from happening. You only live once. Their anger is silly in comparison to your unhappiness.

Perseus
January 14th, 2011, 02:34 PM
You should befriend these people that you actually like. Because the way you put it, these "friends" of yours you don't seem to like. If these other people make you happy and aren't dicks to you, you should be friends with them because it seems like you want to. Do what you want, not what your friends do.

As for your family situation, I can't think of anything to say for advice, etc.

MrZero
January 14th, 2011, 03:21 PM
I tend to have the same problem... i think you need to make sure you know what and why is bothering you so you can be firm and clear about it, if it's important enough. Putting it off usually doesn't fix anything.

Also i think a lot of the friendships in school are about what use people have for each other - like prison, so you shouldn't take it to heart if they disapprove you being with other people.

I do this thing every now and then with a friend, where he acts like an asshole to me on something and I'm silently angry at him for a while, cause i don't feel like arguing with him. Eventually i man up and tell him exactly why i feel he's wrong calmly, even if he gets pissed off at first.

Well he's really a great guy and we always work it out, which might now work with others - but it's the principle of the thing. About your dad
don't do anything rash if you know he won't listen - you can't really get a new dad;) pick your battles

Tenkotsu
January 16th, 2011, 11:57 PM
Well, I don't know, I feel "unsafe" being with those other people, it's like if I'm already accostumed to being with those friends even though I want to be with other people. I've tried sometimes to hang out with other people but I always feel uneasy and awkard with them, like if I don't fit or shouldn't be there, and "go back to my friends" to feel like "i'm were I'm supposed to be" :s

When I'm other people enjoying and being part of the group like any other I have a warm fuzzy feeling in me :) but I also feel it kind of unfair, enjoying with other people rather than my "friends" with which I don't enjoy their company a lot but it's like I should be there :@

MrZero
January 17th, 2011, 02:07 PM
Force of habit, like you said you've been "going back to your friends" for a long time, new things tend to feel awkward at first - like this new mouse i have, but it feels a little more natural each day.
There's nothing unfair about you hanging out with people whose company you enjoy.

Tenkotsu
January 18th, 2011, 12:32 AM
Force of habit, like you said you've been "going back to your friends" for a long time, new things tend to feel awkward at first - like this new mouse i have, but it feels a little more natural each day.
There's nothing unfair about you hanging out with people whose company you enjoy.

Oh I thought you said a new house for a moment, which would be awkard moving and all that :P.

I still feel weird because I behave differently (or so I feel). With my "friends" I pretend a lot, with stuff that I don't like or think, with other people I'm more open, not a lot since I still feel weird. I feel that if my "friends" see me with other people acting differently they'll "know" that I would rather be with them, and they would not like it, and if the people I like to be with see me as the boring/negative-ish person I'm with my "friends" they will think I'm lying to them :S

I feel very awkard what people will think about me if they see me in such different behaviors :@

VerizoniPhone
January 18th, 2011, 12:34 AM
Well honestly only you can change something like that. It's their fault for not considering your feelings and your fault for not considering you own feelings! You have to take a stand and stop it from happening. You only live once. Their anger is silly in comparison to your unhappiness.

Your rite!! I have the same problem. I'm gonna listen to ur advice. Thankss