Beginning of a book?

[Bath]

After some inspiration from my therapist, I decided to start writing a book. This beginning few paragraphs I've worked hard on, but I can always improve it. I think the beginning is the most important part of a book.

Just tell me what you think.

" Dear Journal, (or whatever you'll be used as,)
Let’s get down to business. I’m not here to write fairytales, disguising myself in flowery words to falsely remember how poetic I was at such a young age. I’m not pouring out hopes and wishes, like stupid dreamers do, in attempt to escape from my own mind. No. I’m here to record my reality. I bought this journal to share my story. I’m not killing my heart to impress you, reader.
Lucy Lynn is my name, and I’ve been breathing for fifteen years. I originally walked into Wal-Mart to buy a soda, or maybe new shampoo, or whatever the ten dollars on my debit card could afford. This notebook was only two dollars, small and black with an azure floral design. I could write my life in here, right? Spilling out what’s trapped inside my head.
I used to be a dreamer, now the sad thing is my emotions have faded. No, the real sad thing is, I can’t even cry anymore.
Oh, look, secrets already."

I used to write poetry and short stories all the time but I haven't written anything in a while so obviously I'm going to need some constructive criticism. I'm hoping to have this done by my 16th birthday.

[JunkBondTrader]

After some inspiration from my therapist, I decided to start writing a book. This beginning few paragraphs I've worked hard on, but I can always improve it. I think the beginning is the most important part of a book.

Just tell me what you think.

" Dear Journal, (or whatever you'll be used as,)
Let’s get down to business. I’m not here to write fairytales, disguising myself in flowery words to falsely remember how poetic I was at such a young age. I’m not pouring out hopes and wishes, like stupid dreamers do, in attempt to escape from my own mind. No. I’m here to record my reality. I bought this journal to share my story. I’m not killing my heart to impress you, reader.
Lucy Lynn is my name, and I’ve been breathing for fifteen years. I originally walked into Wal-Mart to buy a soda, or maybe new shampoo, or whatever the ten dollars on my debit card could afford. This notebook was only two dollars, small and black with an azure floral design. I could write my life in here, right? Spilling out what’s trapped inside my head.
I used to be a dreamer, now the sad thing is my emotions have faded. No, the real sad thing is, I can’t even cry anymore.
Oh, look, secrets already."

I used to write poetry and short stories all the time but I haven't written anything in a while so obviously I'm going to need some constructive criticism. I'm hoping to have this done by my 16th birthday.

That's nice, and a great start. I can really get a feel a for the character too.

I guess I'd reccomend making the narrative a tiny bit more natural if this is going to be written in the first person. Just try saying every sentence before you put it down, sometimes an odd connective or a single comma can make all the difference and make every sentence flow.

In my exeperience, the first person always feels like it's going to be the easiest thing to write in but it's surprisingly hard once you get down to it. Personally, my attempts to write in such a way also tend to result in me focussing too much on a single character, but this might not be the case with you.

Seems like a great start! Keep at it!

I must ask how old you are though because if you're fifteen, you'll have one hell of a time getting this finished before your sixteenth birthday (unless of course, this story becomes your life :P). Then again though, it varies from person to person.