... :L

[HeroesAndCons]

Today while cleaning my room i went in my first aid drawer that no one knows about and i saw old bloodstained tissues i used to stop bleeding i hid from my sis and rents
i aldso saw all the bandages and alchlohol padsi had to clean the wound,blade
i started crying
i felt bad
i threw them away byt not the bandage,razor,and pads
i had to put them in a box due to my room getting painted and everything needs to be out of there

also i seen a note of my demented brain that i wrote to my rents but never gave them it was how i was possessed by a demon and i was gonna kill myself cause i didnt want to hurt them
i didnt remember me being that bad but it all kicked in after reading that
i remember always being suicidal... i dont know...


i wish i hadent started cutting cause i miss it too
i mean the enjoyable pain that it used to give me
the releif
the guilt
the release

i feel like a psyco but rome wasent built in a day so why should i?

im just stupid

[Bath]

You're not at all stupid because I can relate. Cutting is very personal, very emotional. If it's a big part of your life at some point, it's going to be difficult to remember and not feel any guilt, regret, or in your case, even a bit of happiness. It hurts to recall what it was like. Words can't really explain, but I know exactly what you mean.

Try to forget about it. That's the only advice I can give. If you think about it too much, the wanting is going to become bigger and bigger.

[HeroesAndCons]

i feel stupid its like that note hit me today
._.

[Mike321]

I have found notes I used to write in one of my drawers a few weeks ago, and I sort of know what you mean, by the way it hits you, I dont even remember writing half of it.
But no matter how much you miss it, you've been doing really really well, you dont want to slip back into cutting.
Like Bethany said, try to forget it, its in the past and although it really hits you and reminds you of what you used to be like.
You want to look towards the future, you can beat this.
Hope this helps

[Charleigh]

Your never crazy hun.
You might just be very sesitive to your past, and find it hard to face what you tried to leave behind you.
If you ever do need to talk, im alway's here for you ^^
Keep strong!

[HeroesAndCons]

I just wish that life was easy

[drcookie]

you will be ok! seeing the past is sometimes good for you. its the past, and keep it that way. im sure you will overcome this, and virtualteen is here to help, and its good that you're posting for help. stay strong and stay positive.