Read my story and tell me how to recover..

[Guitar Boy]

Sorry for my bad english

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Hi all i just want to ask you some questions about recovering from a depression..

So, until July last year all my life i always been a very very happy boy...I have a very good life...I play sports, play in a big band, I can get girls with easy, my family loves me, etc

But for the last six months, i've been depressed in most of my times....


Idk what's happened to me i'm just so confused about all of this...
I cry most of the times.....I have very bad grades, i left my band, i'm not playing sports anymore, i left my religion....
Luckily i had figured out what causes my depression....

So, I'm the oldest kid in my family.....So, i have to keep my attitude all the time so i can be a good example for my li'l brothers.....

In june, i graduated from my midschool and enter highschool....and my li'l brother graduated from elementary to midschool.....At that time he just turned 12 and i'm still 14.......

We both are teenagers....When he turned 12 and enter midschool he became a very different person.....he became a real teenager......not a kid anymore.

So, we fight a lot and debating on the stupidest things.....Sometimes we hit or punch each other...(i'm not punching him hard of course)......But after a fight or debate, we usually laugh and forgive each other....

But one night, we are fighting when my dad came home from work.....when he saw it, he was really mad at me......he said a lot of things like "you've failed being the oldest kids"...

That "FAILED" word sounds like a blade crushing through my chest.....And since than, i cry every other day coz i'm confused what to do next......I rarely talk to my dad like i used to....

I feel like i lost my dad....we used to perceive each other as friends...we used to tell stories, we used to motivate each other.....but since that, it's all seems lost.....

First months in highschool was a sh**t....I just slept in classes or playing video games on my phone......My grades are very bad......
I'm trying out for the basketball team but i'm not picked up and i know i was playing like SH*T....

In December my parents received my report card and they shocked.....
That was the worst grades in my life....

They said that i am lazy, to much going outside, etc...
In my heart i'm never became lazy.....i just think my depression was more important to fix than all that F***in grades..... It's all feels like sh*t

A couple weeks ago another shit happen.....I accidentally met my "dream girl" in midshcool......During our midshcool time, i had some feelings for her and i think she had the same feelings to....but until now none of us said that feelings....

When she saw me, she looked confused....coz i'm in a very bad physical condition at that time.....
She tried to open some conversation but i cut her and say "sorry i have to go" DAMN !!!!!!! Actually i really wanted to talk with her...but at that time idk what to say.....I'm scared i will be "awkward" at that time........

Those shit and sadness kept happening until december.......

At new year's eve, i said to myself that i MUST recover both mentally and physycally.....

Since new year, i'm getting better but at some times, i still cry and mad......

Yesterday, i'm really mad and i kicked my football and the ball broked up my mom's vase.....After that accident, i ran from home and cry.......When i went home at night, my mother asked me what happen...i just tell her that idk what to do......and i said to her that i'm in a deep stress.....

My mom made an apoinment for me to see a therapist tomorrow......
I never went there before.....I just hope that it will make me feels better.....

Actually, i started to gettin over this....and hopefully i'll recover in few weeks....mentaly of course...

Physycaly i'm never know i can recover or not.....coz right now i'm really thin like a S**T..i wen't from 160 to 140 lbs..... but my bf % went from about 15% to a disastrous above 20%.......Also i'm not that good anymore in physycal activity or even in sports......


At Last, I want to ask you few questions....:

* How can I tell my dad that i lost him ???
* If i'm recover, can i fully recover and get a better life.
* What is a therapist ?? My Mom will bring me there tommorow...
* Can I actually recover my physycal condition ???

I hope you will give some answers to my questions......
I don't know where else to turn so i post this problem here in VT.....

THX

[Guitar Boy]

bump...

[Charleigh]

* How can I tell my dad that i lost him ???
You can't really tell a parent that you feel like you have lost them, might hurt him. Just ask him to spend some quality time with you, that you want Father & Son time. Try and create a better bond between you both. He doesnt mean it, he might have thing's going on and he might feel your the closest person, and that he can take it out on you.
* If i'm recover, can i fully recover and get a better life.
Yes of course you can. Only you can change your life. You might not be able to change the past, but you can change the present and the future. You can get a better life, you just might need an extra "nudge" and help you through. Good luck hun.
* What is a therapist ?? My Mom will bring me there tommorow...
A therapist can go through different thing's with you. He/she will try and discuss how your feeling, what your thinking, what's the good, what's the bad. They will try and help you figure out your problem's and they will try to help you to go down the right path. Again, good luck.
* Can I actually recover my physycal condition ???
Im not sure what your physical condition is, but I wish you the best and I really do hope you find the right way to go. Im here if you ever want to talk about thing's. Good luck hun.
:hug: