Gone for two years

[SilenceForSilence]

Tomorrow is the second anniversary of my sister's death. I'm shaking so much. Reality is sinking in. I'm waiting, hunkered down. I can see this. Everything is hazy. I'm so perplexed with everything. Probably failing semester finals this week. My dog whom my sister loved very much is near dying now as well. I keep seeing train tracks. A high, narrow bridge with train tracks. If I stand on it forever, a train will crush me. If I grow frightened when I see the train, I will have to jump off the bridge and fall into a very rock and shallow river almost 70 meters below. I'd have to walk to this bridge for hours through a very cold winter storm. Very confused I guess. Perhaps I can be safe in the arms of angels who would catch me if I fell, or if I hit the ground I would wake up a little boy again and all of my adolescence would have been a dream. Surely this can't be real. I don't know why I'm posting. I guess we're all waiting for our train. Memories are fading. It seems that I've forgotten myself. Maybe I've posted to see if anyone who answers is real anymore. A trusting boy died once. I'm not going to say I'm his shell. There was a lot more to him, but that withers away. I don't know what so say. Self-Harm sounds good right now. It's been so long. Red is the color of the blood of angry men. What about the blood of common people? I have no anger. I feel nothing. It is heavy yet weightless at the same time. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't even know if I'm talking to people anymore. Has is become my job to join those stretched out underground? Those that are saying nothing. Those that are never kissing. They give silence for silence. Love is a mystery to me anymore. I can no longer go rowing in Eden. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for making you read this. Maybe the world is real and I'm not. I may learn the truth tomorrow. I'm so dizzy. So weightless. Don't want to die an old man with no family or loved ones. I want to welcome death now. I'm really dizzy. I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm saying.

[deadpie]

Tomorrow is the second anniversary of my sister's death. I'm shaking so much. Reality is sinking in. I'm waiting, hunkered down. I can see this. Everything is hazy. I'm so perplexed with everything. Probably failing semester finals this week.

Anniversaries for events like this can be very tough and triggering, so I'm saying instead of mourning her death tomorrow, look back on the things you've done together and celebrate that. Yeah, it could be a hard day, but try and look back on the positive times, knowing that she was of great value to you. It's important to have your family close to you.


My dog whom my sister loved very much is near dying now as well. I keep seeing train tracks. A high, narrow bridge with train tracks. If I stand on it forever, a train will crush me. If I grow frightened when I see the train, I will have to jump off the bridge and fall into a very rock and shallow river almost 70 meters below. I'd have to walk to this bridge for hours through a very cold winter storm. Very confused I guess. Perhaps I can be safe in the arms of angels who would catch me if I fell, or if I hit the ground I would wake up a little boy again and all of my adolescence would have been a dream.

Maybe you need to find a person to be that angel for you; have someone like a friend or family member you can trust with things. You need someone that can understand you, maybe someone here even that you can find and relate to - If you're looking for someone to catch you before you fall off that bridge or get hit by that train.


Surely this can't be real. I don't know why I'm posting. I guess we're all waiting for our train. Memories are fading. It seems that I've forgotten myself.

You're posting because you're looking for help. That means you do have some hope in yourself or that there is something there that can help you, so don't feel bad for posting this. You're looking for an answer of help. There's very good reasons to why you posted it, but you probably don't realize that yet. It's brave of you to come on here and talk.


Maybe I've posted to see if anyone who answers is real anymore. A trusting boy died once. I'm not going to say I'm his shell. There was a lot more to him, but that withers away. I don't know what so say. Self-Harm sounds good right now. It's been so long. Red is the color of the blood of angry men. What about the blood of common people? I have no anger. I feel nothing. It is heavy yet weightless at the same time.

I think you do feel, but you just don't want to accept that. Mourning your sister proves that you're human and that you have emotion - understand that. You don't need self harm to prove that you're real. All your sadness, anger, and even happiness is proof that you're real and you have emotions.


I don't know what I'm saying. I don't even know if I'm talking to people anymore. Has is become my job to join those stretched out underground? Those that are saying nothing. Those that are never kissing. They give silence for silence. Love is a mystery to me anymore. I can no longer go rowing in Eden. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for making you read this. Maybe the world is real and I'm not. I may learn the truth tomorrow. I'm so dizzy. So weightless. Don't want to die an old man with no family or loved ones. I want to welcome death now. I'm really dizzy. I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm saying.


I'm hoping that you read this sometime soon and maybe we could talk more. Don't give up hope, because according to what you've said you do have some left, even if it isn't that much, I don't know whether it is much or not sense I'm not you, but I can promise that hope isn't gone yet.

[SilenceForSilence]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I understand what you're saying, and it was very nice of you to take the time to comment, which means a lot. I'm trying not to give up, but things weigh down over time. I'm doing my best, and I hope you're doing well. Thank you again.