"It's complicated..."

[Fiction]

Ok, so me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and 2 months. We've always been really close, ever since this whole thing started a year and a half ago.

Our problem is, we always get stuck on the same arguement. He's really insecure. He always feels like I don't want to talk to him, or i'm bored of him, or i've got another guy that I like. We have this arguement recurring every few weeks or so, and we have since the start. he accuses me of things, but then refuses to talk about them, saying he doesn't want to argue. Basically he accuses me of stuff and then won't let me defend myself. When I then try to defend myself he leaves. It's meant i've had my doubts with him for a while.

Yesterday he started to accuse me of ignoring him when I was with him on saturday. He said I ignored him and and just talked to my friends. I'd seen him everyday for the last 3 weeks, and I hadn't seen my friends in over 3 weeks, and even people who where there said I didn't ignore him.

He went off on his usual "i'm not discussing it thing". I got annoyed, and I just told him everything. About all my doubts for him, how I wasn't sure I wanted to be together anymore. We are offically still going out at the moment, but we are just friends until tomorrow, when i'm meeting up with him and we are deciding once and for all what to do.

He's being really nice to me since this happened. He was texting me all day today and it's really confusing me. He keeps telling me he still loves me, and that he doesn't want to give up on "us" yet.

It feels like i'll regret whatever decision i'll make. If i leave him I know i'll miss him. If i stay together I know next time we argue i'll regret staying with him, as i'd have missed my chance- we are already half broken up.

What do i do? :/

Sorry for long post. Thanks to anyone who reads :)

[Sage]

Dump him. You shouldn't have to put up with his insecurities, and regardless of how much you think you'll miss the relationship, you're only fifteen and there'll be plenty more opportunities in the near and distant future.

[Fiction]

Thanks for the reply. I'm going to see him tomorrow and just see what happens :/

[Daniel_]

Sounds like hes not worth your time. If he just whines and complains about how he thinks hes not good enough for you, then maybe hes not.

Or he could be good enough for you, but not good enough for himself.

Either way I'd see how it goes. If you end up getting back together with him, tell him one more time and it's over. It sounds like you have put up with this on multiple occasions, and you should tell him your done with it.

[ShatteredWings]

Dump him. You shouldn't have to put up with his insecurities, and regardless of how much you think you'll miss the relationship, you're only fifteen and there'll be plenty more opportunities in the near and distant future.

Kathy, this is what i've been trying to tell you for awhile now.
Leave Him

[KylieEatWorld]

I'm sorry but you're getting really bad advice right now. It sounds as if you have a good relationship going if you've been with him for over a year already. Unless your feelings for him have changed you really don't want to throw all that away because of a fault he has. Really the only problem is he feels inadequate. His insecurity arises in an accusatory manner sometimes because her finds it hard to believe that somebody like you could be happy with someone like him.

Instead of ending a good relationship and possibly hurting both yourself and him you should work with him on making him feel as if he is worthy. Build his self esteem and make sure he knows he deserves you. If you dump him now, in his mind you're only proving him right when he thinks he doesn't deserve you.

[Daniel_]

I'm sorry but you're getting really bad advice right now. It sounds as if you have a good relationship going if you've been with him for over a year already.

A good relationship, i'm afraid, time does not make.

[Jenna.]

Leave him. It sounds like he's creating all of this unnecessary drama that you shouldn't have to deal with. All relationships have their up's and down's, but for the most part they should be enjoyable, not stressful and full of petty fights.
A year and 2 months is a long time for a teenage relationship so it's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it in the end when you're happier.

[Myrnodin]

Whats up with all the "dump him" advise? >.> I do think it sounds like a nice relationship worth saving. However you are gonna have to put some effort into him (not the relationship; him) You see, insecurities often come from some other source than the actual matter. What i mean is: It is probable that hes insecure, not because of you or him, but because some other aspect of his life. Have you tried to sit with him and talk? (not about you two, but about his life)

You have to be careful when doing this tho, from personal experience i can tell you, that he may become "dependant" on you if you are not careful with "helping" him. Also, I got curious, is he younger than you? (i've noticed this happens often in couples where the girl is older)

I cant really recommend a way of aproaching him, since i dont know him. But sometimes asking things bluntly like: "Tell me, why are you so insecure?" gives you a lead foot. (Notice that the answer may not be true at first, if you know him, you will know where to go from there) Make him feel like unless he answers you, your relationship is over. (Dont push him to much either, thats not something nice to do)

Sorry for the long post, i think i understand whats going on, but its hard to explain. XD I believe there are few "good" men out there, and if your boyfriend is one of them (if you think he is) i believe your relationship is worth trying to save. Make it a last chance tho, it not good to hurt you both trying to save and already sunk boat either.

I really hope this helps. :) Let me know if it confuses you, ill try to rewrite it in a simplier way.

Regards, Josh.

[Fiction]

Thanks all of you for your replies.
he is younger than me but only by about a month.
I've tried talking to him about his life before but he just shuts me out of that :/

[DarkHorses]

I think what you need to decide is; do you really love him? If you love him, you'll stick with him despite his insecurities. If you don't love him, or you're simply fed up with him, then you'll leave him.

There's no use being in a relationship unless you honestly love someone. If you're dating him not to hurt him, or because you're afraid that you'll miss him, that's not a valid reason to date someone. The only reason you should be dating him is because you love him.

If "but I really love him" does not cross your mind when you're thinking about dumping him, then why are you even considering this? If you don't love him, you shouldn't be with him. But if you do, you have to be willing to work things out.

Just my opinion, anyway. Hope everything turns out okay. :)

[Kaius]

I'll admit Kathy I'm a lot like him. But one thing he has to understand is his insecurities are going to result in losing you completely if he doesn't get any help with it or let you in. Thats what happened with my ex and i.. Well, i think. I was always jealous and worried she'd find someone better which meant whenever i felt as though she was spending more time with other people than me it made me worse and it resulted in arguments. While i didn't ever mean it to be like that, she felt as though i was controlling her. My reasoning of being like i am was because my previous girlfriends have all cheated on me or left me for someone else. This made me really weak in trusting other people and made having a fully trusting relationship difficult. I wish i could take it all back but i know now i can't, and believe me its the worst feeling i can imagine emotionally.

But in saying this if he isn't going to tell you about any previous history as to why he might be acting like it i think tbh you'd be better off as friends. After a year of a relationship he should at least be letting you in somewhere about stuff in the past. And it shows to me his trust is lacking greatly (Not on purpose necessarily.). In saying this if you do choose to remain only friends with him he's gonna need you a lot in terms of getting any help with his insecuries if he so chooses.

Tbh i think you've gotta do whats best for you in this. I'm not going with everyone else and telling you to leave him because i don't personally know him, but like i said above if he's not willing to help himself then i think you need to do whats best for you instead. You know i'm always here if you need to talk.

[Myrnodin]

Thanks all of you for your replies.
he is younger than me but only by about a month.
I've tried talking to him about his life before but he just shuts me out of that :/

I think thats the problem. :( If you guys cant really chat about everything; then i would agree saying that you are better off split. As cheesy as it sounds, relationships are based on communication, if he cant open his life to you, then you both are gonna end up hurting each other. Maybe you should try getting him to talk? Sorry i cant be of more help for now :(

[Fiction]

Thanks everyone who replied, I saw him earlier and we decided to stay together for now. He says he's changed and that things will change between us if I just give him a chance... so i'm giving him his chance.

[Maverick]

Does he have his own friends too?

[Fiction]

Yeah he does, i've only ever met two of them though.