Depression & anxiety as a result of being gay.

[ShiningEmotion]

Hey there, (first thread, so excuse any inappropriate syntax for this site :S).
Hmm.. I'll throw out some personal info. to see if I can express this clearly..

Well, I live in Ireland, a country whose mindset, (no matter how liberal or accepting as it MAY appear in media/popular culture), is heavily influenced by years of being under the thumb of the Catholic Church *cue boo :rolleyes:*
Therefore, being gay/lesbian/bi etc. is HEAVILY frowned upon at the best of times by most Irish people.... (unfortunately :confused:).

I've known I was gay since I was about 12/13.. (I'm 16 now, btw) and it never really bothered me too much, I wasn't fulfilling any nasty stereotypes and I just kept quiet about it. I never confided in anyone nor do I plan to come out to my family/a member of the local community, for the reason I stated above.^

In the last year my life changed. An ever growing loneliness & self-hatred has emerged. I attempted suicide twice..(I'll not go into it here.. I'm more stable now anyway), all because I am gay. My self-esteem is non-existent at this stage. I often feel alone and isolated and I can't see things changing, at least until I go to college.. Also, my grades have slipped in school as I simply don't care as much as I used to.. And I used to be pretty good at school. It's all a bit messed up..
Anyway! I wondered what you people thought about the evident and obvious link between depression & sexuality? Frankly I have found very little accessible support online.. or from friends. They just think I've become distant and don't go out much.. since they don't realize the true cause behind it..
Have any others out there experienced anything along these lines as well? Feedback on the issue is appreciated. :)
Anyway, thanks for reading and I look forward to your replies.
Thank you..~

[DarkHorses]

Hey :) Welcome to VT.

From the time that we're born many of us are taught that being homosexual is wrong. Even if no one directly tells us it's immoral, we don't exactly see it as being 'normal.' So when you find out that you're homosexual, it's hard to accept yourself.

I'm not gay myself, but I do not what it's like to go through this self hate that you refer to. I feel that every day, and it's something that's extremely hard to get through. Regardless if you're gay or not, a lot of people struggle with accepting themselves for different reasons.

The way I see it is that you're longing for acceptance from your family and your peers and the rest of the world, and you don't feel you'll ever have it, which is why you aren't planning on coming out to anyone in your life. I think if you stop thinking about what the rest of the world thinks, and focus only on what you think of yourself, then it will be a lot easier for you.

Not everyone is going to be accepting of you. That goes for gay people, bisexual people, and straight people. Regardless of your sexuality, you're going to face discrimination for one reason or another. It's simply part of life.

But you can't let what other people think affect your self esteem. Instead of thinking "I wonder what they would think..." tell yourself "I think it's totally okay."

If you're not planning on coming out anytime soon, it shouldn't even matter what others think. Focus on what YOU think. If you're gay, chances are you're going to think being gay is okay. ;)