ehhh. rant. >.<

[georgiamay]

I'm getting so much worse.

One tiny little thing sets me off. One snide text from my dad, and I spend the majority of my day laying on the sofa, wondering whether or not it's worth getting up. I can't be bothered to do anything anymore. I couldn't even be bothered to get up and change the channel. I either feel really...sad isn't even the word for it. I don't what the right word it. Or numb. I haven't felt happy in a long time. I've faked it a lot when I'm around people. I've laughed and joked around. But I haven't felt happy in a long time.

I don't know why. There's nothing majorly wrong with my life.

This happens every now and then. I get to this point. Then I snap and either start a huge argument with my parents that involves me screaming at the top of my lungs until my throat is soar, just because I reach the stage where I'm angry all the time. Or I'll just get a blade and go completely fucking crazy on my legs. Wouldn't be the first time.

I'm a total mess right now, I just don't feel like doing anything. I'll still fake it. I'll make myself do stuff because I have to function to get somewhere.

But I'm tired of faking. It takes up too much effort. And getting worn out makes me tired, but then sleep never fucking comes.

I'm done now, I've finished ranting.

[Magenta]

I know the feeling. It was what drove me to the point of a suicide attempt on Friday. I just didn't want to pretend anymore. There's still issues in my life but I'm learning to just ignore them... but I'm still not happy and I'm still screwing up.

I can empathize with just not wanting to get up. Often... then pretending is more exhausting than the depression. You don't remember how to truly be happy and it just takes away all your energy.

Wish I knew how to help. But if I find anything that works for me, I will let you know. :) *big hugs*

[1_21Guns]

Calm down you, most people probably get to this point sometimes, its frustrating which in turn makes it even worse because you get annoyed for being annoyed for no apparant reason and so on, I've been through this a few times and I know it's not pretty.
But it does pass, and I think you know that yourself too.
Listen to music, do anything other than cutting and things of that nature to try and vent your feelings out. Sometimes we feel down and we don't know why, but so long as we can pick ourselves up and carry on, that's all that matters.
:hug3: you know where I am yeah?

[georgiamay]

thanks guys. :)

[Dunce]

I know the feeling, wondering why it's even worth it everytime something small goes wrong. I feel the same :/ it does get better though :) hang on :)

[Syvelocin]

Story of my life -_-

Often, instead of your normal emotions like upset or sad, I'll be in this state I call "oblivion." Like you said, it's this numbness. When lying in bed and staring at the patterns in the ceiling plaster sounds so much more appealing that getting up and being productive. Every second that goes by makes you feel even more entertained and comfortable doing nothing for hours.

I try to not let myself do that though. I at least tell myself to get on the computer or go for a walk. Something instead of indulging myself by giving in to that urge.