I need sex!

[James94]

Right, I'm 16, never really had a girl friend, and never even kissed a girl on the lips. I know I'm a loser, etc etc, but I'm not really the personality to go "out there" and look for a girl friend - I don't like parties or discos or anything like that. I don't think I'm ugly, but not noticeably attractive. I need help! How can I try and get a girl friend, or even a boy friend, I'm a little unsure sexually. I know I basically need to meet more people, because everyone at school either infuriates me or is way out of my league. I scuba dive and play tennis, but divers are all old(er) people, and my tennis club is very small. What can I do? I just really need some sort of contact with another person in more than just a friendship.

[Sage]

If everyone is out of your league then you need to up your game chico.

[James94]

If everyone is out of your league then you need to up your game chico.

That's the thing though, I'm no good at 'chatting up' girls or anything like that. I think that's my problem really, I'm too shy.

[Sage]

That's the thing though, I'm no hood at 'chatting up' girls or anything like that. I think that's my problem really, I'm too shy.

Then you need to deal with that and overcome it.

[PJay]

Well thats your choice. Wait for some girl (or guy) to come chat you up, or as Sage told you, come out of your shell and make an effort. Not easy, but thems your choices.

[Donkey]

Where are you from mate? Attitudes toward this change with different regions/cultures, and it's kind of a thing of mine to know someone's location before giving advice.

[James94]

Where are you from mate? Attitudes toward this change with different regions/cultures, and it's kind of a thing of mine to know someone's location before giving advice.

Cheshire, UK. But not really in a populated area - my dad is a farmer and my mum lives in a small village.

[Sage]

I'm still going to insist that you need to get over your shyness and become more confident, James. Being sure of yourself and your ability to pursue the things you want is a valuable skill in life, not just in relationships. A lot of people here might try to spare your feelings and tell you that the right girl will come along and fall for you no matter who you are, but I'm going to cut that rubbish.

If you want an excellent girlfriend, you need to become excellent yourself.

[James94]

I'm still going to insist that you need to get over your shyness and become more confident, James. Being sure of yourself and your ability to pursue the things you want is a valuable skill in life, not just in relationships. A lot of people here might try to spare your feelings and tell you that the right girl will come along and fall for you no matter who you are, but I'm going to cut that rubbish.

If you want an excellent girlfriend, you need to become excellent yourself.

Thank you for the honest advice :)

[Sage]

You may want to consider moving when you're older too, though. City girls tend to be less conservative than country girls and will put out more easily.

[Weeping]

Just saying, it's a huge fucking difference between I need sex and I need a relationship.
But basically what the others said, I guess.

[Kitten]

Just saying, it's a huge fucking difference between I need sex and I need a relationship.
But basically what the others said, I guess.

i agree. :yes:

you dont really sound like you want a relationship as much as you just want to screw.
so i guess you have to choose between those.
and i guess if you just want to screw, dont be so picky? (:

[Donkey]

Cheshire, UK. But not really in a populated area - my dad is a farmer and my mum lives in a small village.
Ah, another Briton. Good to hear :D Well, essentially what Sage is saying is right and I would agree with. You're coming to the point in time where perhaps you are used to the idea of physical sexual urges and accept them but are more seeking now of emotional romantic relationships, which is a sign of maturity. Albeit, you still want the sex as the "raging" hormones are still there. All of this is likely intensified by the fact you have been lacking of all of it in the past, which perhaps also leads to anger which in turn may lead to you demanding things like you are here. You can get what you want, we just need to be diplomatic (obviously, rape is bad) and clever about it.

Here are a few traits of your personality I have picked up on, they may not be 100% accurate but they probably are there to a degree.


You don't necessarily conform to the social "norm" as your peers might, ergo you "don't like parties or discos or anything like that"
You either look down or up at people, there is no middle - ergo, "everyone at school either infuriates me or is way out of my league"
You limit yourself to your comfort zone - ergo, you could try other clubs with more people of your type but don't and you don't get over your shyness


As a result of not conforming to the social "norm," the girls that you think look at you as possibilities are perhaps considering you as an outsider, or someone who is abnormal to them. As a result of you looking either down or up at people, you don't find anyone to be an "ideal partner" (there is actually no ideal) and as a result of not leaving your comfort zone you can't find people or talk to people you take an interest in.

Psychologist Jon has now left the room, and instead of naming the problems we will now try to solve them which is what you really came here for. Firstly, you don't need to conform to the social norm - you need to look for girls that might like you for who you are, rather than what you are or what social clique you are in. Don't just go for the clichéd girls who obsess over Justin Bieber and Hello magazine, but perhaps set your sights on the girls that while remain physically attractive are interested in personality rather than fashion and such. If you are in a small school, this might not be easy so as I would always say, you might need to make comprimise. Just make sure they view you as their romantic partner, not just an object boyfriend.

Secondly, you need to adjust your psychology as best you can. You look down at people who annoy you, or up at people who are out of your league. Everyone gets pissed at some people, but it's unlikely that the only people that don't piss you off are those that are "out of your league" (and they might not think that you are below their 'league'). Try to adjust yourself and try your best to accept those who currently annoy you, maybe there's something there that you aren't seeing. Similarly, don't assume that the people who are "out of your league" obsess over wildly good looking boys - they are still human and if you try hard enough you can still make it with them. I've learned in time that girls care less about appearance than we might think, and that confidence and personality are both naturally attractive traits. Broaden your horisons, man.

You limit yourself to your comfort zone - this all comes down to the whole shy thing. We can all sit here and tell you to break out of your shell but essentially it won't do no good unless you have reason, motivation, or passion, to do it. You have to like someone, or "fancy" someone, enough to break out of your shell. And there is someone out there for you, just go looking even around your school and you will find a good match. Don't expect it to be perfect, but pretty damn good. Make the effort, force yourself if anything. While girls like confidence, by just making a move you've shown you have it and lots of them find that acting shy around them is actually cute, and they might like it. You'll eventually grow more confident around them as you grow closer, it all comes with time.

Good luck, I hope I've helped bud!

[James94]

i agree. :yes:

you dont really sound like you want a relationship as much as you just want to screw.
so i guess you have to choose between those.
and i guess if you just want to screw, dont be so picky? (:

To be honest, I don't really mind which. But the thing is it's not me being picky, it's the other way around :D

[James94]

Ah, another Briton. Good to hear :D Well, essentially what Sage is saying is right and I would agree with. You're coming to the point in time where perhaps you are used to the idea of physical sexual urges and accept them but are more seeking now of emotional romantic relationships, which is a sign of maturity. Albeit, you still want the sex as the "raging" hormones are still there. All of this is likely intensified by the fact you have been lacking of all of it in the past, which perhaps also leads to anger which in turn may lead to you demanding things like you are here. You can get what you want, we just need to be diplomatic (obviously, rape is bad) and clever about it.

Here are a few traits of your personality I have picked up on, they may not be 100% accurate but they probably are there to a degree.


You don't necessarily conform to the social "norm" as your peers might, ergo you "don't like parties or discos or anything like that"
You either look down or up at people, there is no middle - ergo, "everyone at school either infuriates me or is way out of my league"
You limit yourself to your comfort zone - ergo, you could try other clubs with more people of your type but don't and you don't get over your shyness


As a result of not conforming to the social "norm," the girls that you think look at you as possibilities are perhaps considering you as an outsider, or someone who is abnormal to them. As a result of you looking either down or up at people, you don't find anyone to be an "ideal partner" (there is actually no ideal) and as a result of not leaving your comfort zone you can't find people or talk to people you take an interest in.

Psychologist Jon has now left the room, and instead of naming the problems we will now try to solve them which is what you really came here for. Firstly, you don't need to conform to the social norm - you need to look for girls that might like you for who you are, rather than what you are or what social clique you are in. Don't just go for the clichéd girls who obsess over Justin Bieber and Hello magazine, but perhaps set your sights on the girls that while remain physically attractive are interested in personality rather than fashion and such. If you are in a small school, this might not be easy so as I would always say, you might need to make comprimise. Just make sure they view you as their romantic partner, not just an object boyfriend.

Secondly, you need to adjust your psychology as best you can. You look down at people who annoy you, or up at people who are out of your league. Everyone gets pissed at some people, but it's unlikely that the only people that don't piss you off are those that are "out of your league" (and they might not think that you are below their 'league'). Try to adjust yourself and try your best to accept those who currently annoy you, maybe there's something there that you aren't seeing. Similarly, don't assume that the people who are "out of your league" obsess over wildly good looking boys - they are still human and if you try hard enough you can still make it with them. I've learned in time that girls care less about appearance than we might think, and that confidence and personality are both naturally attractive traits. Broaden your horisons, man.

You limit yourself to your comfort zone - this all comes down to the whole shy thing. We can all sit here and tell you to break out of your shell but essentially it won't do no good unless you have reason, motivation, or passion, to do it. You have to like someone, or "fancy" someone, enough to break out of your shell. And there is someone out there for you, just go looking even around your school and you will find a good match. Don't expect it to be perfect, but pretty damn good. Make the effort, force yourself if anything. While girls like confidence, by just making a move you've shown you have it and lots of them find that acting shy around them is actually cute, and they might like it. You'll eventually grow more confident around them as you grow closer, it all comes with time.

Good luck, I hope I've helped bud!

Thanks for the reply. I'd say spot on with points 1 and 3, but I think that I may have generalised a bit when I said everyone either infuriates me or is out of my league. There are some girls who I like in my year, as a friend, but they're not the type of people who I'd want to have a relationship with. I do view some people as just people, but there is quite a big group of stereotypical girls, all obsessed with Jack Wills, listen to modern shite dance music and are also very good looking. In a way, the people who are out of my league are the people who infuriate me... I also think that part of it (well, probably a big part of it) is that people seem to have labelled me as gay. Although that probably isn't far from the truth - the only person I've had feelings more than just lust for is a guy who used to be a good friend a few years ago, but we've spoke less and less. And he has a girlfriend anyway. Come to think of it, the only people that I can ever remember feeling more than just lust for have been guys... I don't know, but anyway, thanks for the advice, I'll bear it in mind :)

[Weeping]

To be honest, I don't really mind which. But the thing is it's not me being picky, it's the other way around :D

So... You want a.. Fuckbuddy?

[Number02]

Cheshire, UK.

Likewise, dude. Whereabouts? I'm in Middlewich :D

OT, pretty much what the others have said.. Although be patient with the sex thing, it'll come, in time (hey lookit that, a pun!)

[James94]

So... You want a.. Fuckbuddy?

Well, beggars can't be choosers ;)

[James94]

Likewise, dude. Whereabouts? I'm in Middlewich :D

OT, pretty much what the others have said.. Although be patient with the sex thing, it'll come, in time (hey lookit that, a pun!)

Probably about a 10 minute drive away... :)

[Daniel_]

If you want to have sex, pay for a whore.

If you want a relationship, suck it up and talk to girls. No matter what anyone here tells you, it wont mean shit if you don't have the ability to speak to them.

[Sage]

If you want to have sex, pay for a whore.

If you want a relationship, suck it up and talk to girls. No matter what anyone here tells you, it wont mean shit if you don't have the ability to speak to them.

Or go out with a slutty girl.

[Daniel_]

Or go out with a slutty girl.

Slutty girls are still girls, and according to him, he can't talk to girls.

[Sage]

Slutty girls are still girls, and according to him, he can't talk to girls.

Yeah, but they're easy.

[James94]

I didn't really spend long on the title, it should probably have been I need a relation ship to be honest.

[Charleigh]

Dont date someone for sex or anything.
Just keep your Johnny on a leash ^^

[UnknownError]

I didn't really spend long on the title, it should probably have been I need a relation ship to be honest.

There's a big difference between a relationship and ust wanting sex. :rolleyes:

[Charleigh]

There's a big difference between a relationship and ust wanting sex. :rolleyes:

Confusing Love for Lust.:wub: