MadManWithaBox
January 7th, 2011, 08:04 AM
To give this background , I am 17 years old.I am currently on a psych ward, with a condition that makes someone I hate appear. His name is Martin. And he is always there, every second of every day. He tells me what I already know, that I'm scum, I should have been able to know that the bad things that happened would happen, and how I'm so low, he doesn't even like to look at me, and its is job to punish me. Among other things. These punishments make me hate him. But if I don't do them, he hurts me. So badly.He won't let me kill myself. He has the power. Even in this hospital now, on 5 different drugs, he can still appear. He's come 3 times this week, since I came in on monday. They restrained me on the bed here, for my own safety, but even so, on tuesday night he appeared. I had a pencil sharpener blade in the lining of my jacket, and if I hadn't had some important peoples help, and called the doctor, I would have broken my arm getting it. But this is what went on last night. This may not be the best place for it, but its get easier to think about, if I tell people. if that makes sense.
It was 7am, or thereabouts. I was lying there, asleep. He'd be already been that night, so I didn't think when I took the sleeping injection, he'd come again, but he did. I was awoken, by a bad pain, in my stomach. And he was standing there. He was looking always the same, he rarely looks panicked or even bothered. 4 years, and he's never aged a day, or changed his clothes.
He began to tell me, the old truths, what a screw up I am, how much of a shit I am, how, my dad did that, or the teacher did it, cos I deserved it, and it was my punishment, and now it was his turn. He said because I called the doctor before, I had forfeited my chance to kill myself, and now it was just pain.
I called the doctor, I pressed the button. I was tired, and I knew he'd be back to punish me later, so I may as well go the whole hog and let him have double punishments later.
The doctr arrived very quickly, but before he could inject me, Martin hurt me, like he's never hurt me before. Not pain, like he usually does, but sickness, like I've never known before. It hurt so much it made me blind, and I started being sick everywhere, on the floor, on myself, on the bed, on my restraints. So sick it was just blood coming up. They injected it, and he left. The doctor shouted for clean up, and they undid me from the straps. They let me take a supervised shower, and put some different clothes, now I'm sitting in the lounge while they clean my room. The doctor came, and I told him more than I told before. He said it's just going to get a lot worse before it gets better, and if they can't find the right drugs combination, which they haven't yet, he doesn't know long it will take.
So thats it really. Needed to vent, thanks for reading if you did.
It was 7am, or thereabouts. I was lying there, asleep. He'd be already been that night, so I didn't think when I took the sleeping injection, he'd come again, but he did. I was awoken, by a bad pain, in my stomach. And he was standing there. He was looking always the same, he rarely looks panicked or even bothered. 4 years, and he's never aged a day, or changed his clothes.
He began to tell me, the old truths, what a screw up I am, how much of a shit I am, how, my dad did that, or the teacher did it, cos I deserved it, and it was my punishment, and now it was his turn. He said because I called the doctor before, I had forfeited my chance to kill myself, and now it was just pain.
I called the doctor, I pressed the button. I was tired, and I knew he'd be back to punish me later, so I may as well go the whole hog and let him have double punishments later.
The doctr arrived very quickly, but before he could inject me, Martin hurt me, like he's never hurt me before. Not pain, like he usually does, but sickness, like I've never known before. It hurt so much it made me blind, and I started being sick everywhere, on the floor, on myself, on the bed, on my restraints. So sick it was just blood coming up. They injected it, and he left. The doctor shouted for clean up, and they undid me from the straps. They let me take a supervised shower, and put some different clothes, now I'm sitting in the lounge while they clean my room. The doctor came, and I told him more than I told before. He said it's just going to get a lot worse before it gets better, and if they can't find the right drugs combination, which they haven't yet, he doesn't know long it will take.
So thats it really. Needed to vent, thanks for reading if you did.