Threatened

[Nevermore]

So my friend has threatened the next time I cut, he's going to smoke. He's been smoking cigs for a few years, and just got off of them for a few months. He was seriously addicted, smoking a few packs a day. He knows how much smoking hurts me. However he knows how often I cut. He knows I can't go two weeks without cutting. Now he says any form of self harm he will smoke. I can't lie to him. I promised him I wouldn't. He's planning on checking me for cuts as well. If I forget what he said he'd do, but it's probably more smoking. :( I don't know what to do. I've spoken to him about it, but he's not willing to compromise, he says it's been going on too long. How can I convince him not to smoke if I cut. Please help me!

[HeroesAndCons]

if u made a promise u have to stick
but this cn be motivation not to cut

[georgiamay]

this could be motivation for you to not cut. But I do think it was unfair of him to say that. Maybe try and say to him, "If I'd stopped cutting and you were smoking, I don't think you'd like it if I said if you smoke again I'll cut." Or something like that. I think maybe you should try and not cut for him, but making you feel responsible for his relapse is very unfair if you ask me.

[Nevermore]

It will be motivation, but it's going to be hard not to cut. I know I'll give in, in the future. I don't want him to start his addiction again due to my mistake. I will stick with his promise, and I shall talk to him about it again. I am trying to not cut for him. Thank you both. :)

[Fiction]

You are both coping with addictions. You are in very similar situations. he's probably thinking "I did it, why can't she?". He is only trying to help and you should use it as motivation to stop, but maybe you should compromise with him. Instead of this arangement maybe you could change it to a more two way support system type thing?

[Myrnodin]

Do you really care for him? Like is he a friend from your heart? He IS, else you wouldnt be asking us for help, right? Come on i think ive read enough from you to get to know a bit about you. (for some reason each times a topic calls my atention i later notice its yours) The funny thing is you remind me a lot of someone very close to me, and thats why i know there is strength in you. He is not only "wanting to help you" he is also asking for your help; he is asking you to help him quit smoking too. Its an equivalent exchange, and you want to let it go? I know you dont, come on, dont prove me wrong. I know you can quit on it, your words tell me more than what you think (a skill i gained as a writer) be strong, take his hand and vow to your promise, at the end both of you will be smiling. It doesnt matter if you slip at first, keep in mind that you HAVE to stop, for him, and each time it will be easier for you to resist the need of cutting. Its time to take your life back from the razor's steel-cold hands. Come on girl! Dont let me down.

Regards,

- Josh.

[Nevermore]

Very true Kathy. :) He is trying to help. I've spoken to him last night about it. He's no longer going to smoke if I cut, or self injure in general.

Josh- I really do care for him. <3 Wow, Josh that actually made me tear up. You're right he is asking help with his addiction as well. I'm trying to help him in anyway I can. You are right though, I don't want to let it go. :/ I do want to get better. However there is a part of me who is full of so much self hatred and won't let me let it go. It seems like a part of me feels like I can never stop, no matter how hard I try, and it doesn't want to stop. Of course I want to stop, I love him as a friend, and I'm sure it hurts him. I hate hurting him. It truly kills me inside. However, I know I'm going to fail, and I can' let him fall back into his addiction because I'm so weak. I hate to think that way. The most I've gone is 4 weeks in months. I'm trying, it's not like I'm not. Perhaps recently, I haven't been honestly trying as hard as I should, I've given up, lost hope, but I'm trying to try again. :/ He's gone months without a cig, he has on cig, I know he wont' be able to stop chain smoking again, and that kills me, because I can't see him hurt like that. :'( Last night on the phone we talked. He said he was going to give me a certain amount I couldn't go over a week. If I did he'd smoke, and if I don't use my amount, it doens't carry over into the next week. But I still have to try, and be honest. So I thought that was better. Because I know if I do fail I still have to have some control. When I fail, I'm used to going at least 30+. So it'll be hard, he hasn't given me a number yet though. I do have to stop for him. I've been trying. I really don't want this to control my life forever, however part of me thinks that's all I deserve, is a bunch of ugly cuts and scars, and a permanent eventual stay at the psych ward.
Thank you Josh for helping me out through everything. :)

[spfreak]

Everything has pretty much said. I just want to wish you good luck with everything!! I hope your friend stops smoking, and I hope you can ease off the cutting too!! :)