Malcolm Tucker
January 4th, 2011, 08:07 PM
Everything just seems to be getting worse. No matter what I do. Worse. Worse. Worse. Every night I have lay in bed struggling to stop myself from screaming from the sheer pain of it all. It just is unreal that a person can experience this.
My visions are still there
I can't focus on anything anymore
my moods are flucctuating worse and worse. Going fro
euphoric to extreme depression in a second
I am fighting myself so I hide it all away, that has resulted in me wanting to get sick and headaches. (actually that I have no problem with so ling as I can help others as a result)
I am panicking over my appointment on Monday
Just everything is building up and up and up to the pont where it has nowhere to go. It got to the worst it can be earlier. I turned on myself. Nothing was ok. Everything I like about myself wasn't good. I became suicidal but quickly snapped out of it. I won't talk about it. I don't know why Im writing this. I should just delete it all to be honest.
The mad thing is that when something makes me happy then I won't have any real memory of how bad this feels - like I was dreaming. I haven't cut yet. I don't plan on it tonight so no worries there. Until then I just have to find some way to live with myself. But it's a lot to live with. I am not confdent at all.
Now that my pointless and stupid rant is over, your time is no longer being wasted and I guess thanks for reading.
My visions are still there
I can't focus on anything anymore
my moods are flucctuating worse and worse. Going fro
euphoric to extreme depression in a second
I am fighting myself so I hide it all away, that has resulted in me wanting to get sick and headaches. (actually that I have no problem with so ling as I can help others as a result)
I am panicking over my appointment on Monday
Just everything is building up and up and up to the pont where it has nowhere to go. It got to the worst it can be earlier. I turned on myself. Nothing was ok. Everything I like about myself wasn't good. I became suicidal but quickly snapped out of it. I won't talk about it. I don't know why Im writing this. I should just delete it all to be honest.
The mad thing is that when something makes me happy then I won't have any real memory of how bad this feels - like I was dreaming. I haven't cut yet. I don't plan on it tonight so no worries there. Until then I just have to find some way to live with myself. But it's a lot to live with. I am not confdent at all.
Now that my pointless and stupid rant is over, your time is no longer being wasted and I guess thanks for reading.